A Smashy Amazing Race
by Hoogiman
Summary: COMPLETE! With all teams neckandneck, quick fire from Falcon and Donkey Kong takes them to the lead. However, Peach and Bowser manage to creep to second place, and with a dead heat at the last clue, it will be closer than ever. Who will win?
1. Leg One: Saffron City

A Smashy Amazing Race  
Leg one- Guest authored by tikitikirevenge

Disclaimer: n00b lol plz reviews!!!11111

**A SMASHY AMAZING RACE  
**  
"Welcome to the Smashy Amazing Race! Of course, this is not a copyright infringement of 'The Amazing Race'; it is also a spin-off off other shows as well!" announced Master Hand, the host of this show. "Of course, we don't need to tell you how they got into this, because the author is lazy! If you don't want to watch this, go to hundreds of other boring fanfics involving tournaments!"  
A big title appeared.  
**LEG ONE  
**Master Hand announced, "Each team will depart at six AM."

The teams are (don't worry, this is the only list in the **whole chapter**):  
Nana and Popo (dating)  
Pichu and Pikachu (friends)  
Kirby and Yoshi (eating natter)  
Mario and Luigi (partners)**  
**Peach and Bowser (hostage and captor)**  
**Ganondorf and Young Link (old enemies)  
Ness and Mewtwo (geniuses/psychics)  
Zelda and Samus (friends)  
Link and Jigglypuff (same pyramid scheme)  
Falcon and DK (definitely NOT dating)**  
**Fox and Falco (work colleagues)  
Marth and Roy (we'll tell you later)**  
**  
Jigglypuff opened a yellow envelope and showed it to Link.  
"You must make your way to Texas airport and book a flight to Saffron City! You must then find your way to Disseyland, where you will find your next clue!" read Link.  
"Jig, Jiggly Jig!"  
_"Yay! Saffron!"_

"You must make your way to Texas airport and book a flight to Saffron City! You must then find your way to Disseyland, where you will find your next clue!" read Kirby. "Saffron? Isn't that the place with the fancy cake shop?"  
"Yoshi!" exclaimed Yoshi.  
_"Mmm… Cake…"  
_  
"You must make your way to Texas airport and book a flight to Saffron City! You must then find your way to Disseyland, where you will find your next clue!" read Falcon.  
"C'mon!" yelled DK, and they ran off, pushing Mario and Luigi. Mario and Luigi then threw DK into a signpost and pinned Falcon onto a wall.

Pichu and Pikachu ran to the airport. They weaved their way around a lot of posts and then jumped onto a desk.  
"Chansey?" asked Chansey, who was manning, or, if you prefer, Pokemanning (get it?)) the terminal desk.  
_"Hello, what do you want?"  
_"Pika Pika Pik Pika Pika Chu Piika Pika Pii Chu!" shouted Pikachu.  
_"We would like a 3rd Class flight to Saffron City."  
_"Chansey!" replied Chansey.  
_"Sure, I can book you a flight to De Island De Bowser."  
_"Chu, Chu Pichu!" whispered Pichu to Pikachu.  
_"Have you brought your Chansey translation book?"  
_"Chu, Chu Pika, Pika Chu Piika Chu Ika Pika Chu, Chu Chuu Chu!" replied Pikachu.  
_"Yes."  
_"Chansey, Chansey, Chansey?" asked Pikachu.  
_"Actually, can you divert me to De Island De Bowser, then Honolulu?"  
_"Chansey!" replied Chansey.  
_"That's fine, Pikachu."  
_"Pichu Chu?" asked Pichu.  
_"What did you ask her? And what did she reply?"  
_"Chu!" replied Pikachu.  
_"I said, 'Can you make it the earliest flight possible?' She replied, 'If so, you need to broccoli redirect to Dreamland'."  
_"Chansey, Chansey!"  
_"Sorry, but I think I'll have to put you on a flight to Saffron City."  
_"Chansey, Pichu Chansey!" replied Pikachu.  
_"De Island De Bowser? No, Saffron!"  
_"Chansey!" replied Chansey.  
_"Yes, fifth class is 12 dollars."  
_Pichu gave Chansey a 100 dollar note, took the tickets and ran to the terminal.

Zelda and Samus walked through security.  
"I'm sorry, but no weapons are allowed," a Koopa told Samus, who wasn't wearing her suit, but was carrying a giant king-sized-bed-sized beam gun.  
"But, Mr. Koopa, I need to kill my ex," replied Samus.  
"No exceptions," replied the Koopa.  
"He's Captain Falcon," replied Samus.  
"Exception," replied the Koopa, letting Samus through.

Falcon and DK ran into the airport, spotting Samus and Zelda.  
"Hey baby," flirted Falcon.

Samus walked past security, spotting DK and Falcon.

Falcon and DK ran towards the flight gates, trying to catch up.  
"Hey, look!" said Captain Falcon brightly. "It's a speeding bullet!"

Samus turned around and smiled, seeing Falcon writhing in pain. Samus gave her weapons back to the Koopa, and stepped on her flight. Samus ran back to the Koopa.  
"And by the way, he's not my ex," told Samus, before going on her flight.

Fox and Falco phaser gunned their way past security and got on their flight, no one noticing.

"Everyone is booked on the same flight to Saffron City, which arrives at 11 AM," announced Master Hand. "They must hire a taxi to Disseyland! The only problem is that, all the drivers are pokemon, and they must have good translating skills to help the drivers get there."

The plane landed in Saffron City. All of the smashers scrambled their way, and tried to get a taxi.

_Jigglypuff and Link:  
Same Pyramid Scheme  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Taxi!" screamed Link, barely taking hold of his baggage. A taxi screeched in front of them. The driver was a Clefairy.

_Nana and Popo  
Dating  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Taxi!" shouted Popo as Nana put back the luggage trolley. They got a Poliwhirl.

_Fox and Falco  
Work Colleagues  
Currently in Last Place  
_"I think we're last," exclaimed Falco.  
"We still don't have to come last though!" replied Fox, half calling for a taxi, half talking.

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
Old enemies  
Currently in 10th Place  
_"Ganondorf, how did we end up together?" asked Young Link.  
"Ask the author," replied Ganondorf. "The author knows all and he'll…"  
**"STFU N00B!!!"** replied the author, who then didn't concentrate on Ganondorf for the next few thousand words.

_Falcon and DK  
Definitely NOT dating  
Currently in 8th Place  
_"Oh yeah! Keep on going fast! We just passed Marth and Roy!" shouted Falcon to an English speaking Meowth.  
"Woo!" replied Falcon.

_Zelda and Samus  
Friends  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Yeah! We passed Mario and Luigi!" cheered Samus.  
"Oh yeah! Keep on speeding Hitmonlee!" cheered on Zelda.  
"Goodbye Nana and Popo!" shouted Zelda as she wound down the window and passed the Ice Climbers.  
Hitmonlee rammed into Mario and Luigi's car, and Mario and Luigi's car went spinning into the Ice Climbers' car.  
"Come on!" shouted Samus. "We passed Jigglypuff and Link!"  
Zelda and Samus gave a high-five to each other. _Kirby and Yoshi  
Eating Natter  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Oh yeah!" screamed Kirby, as Clefable, their driver drove past Ness and Mewtwo.

_Falcon and DK  
Definitely NOT dating  
Currently in 6th place  
_"Oh yeah! We're doing better!" exclaimed DK. "There's Kirby and Yoshi!"  
"They're taking off! Faster! Faster!"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Geniuses/Psychics  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"We're doing way better!" shouted Mewtwo. "Go faster, Electrabuzz!"

_Samus and Zelda  
Friends  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Yield!" shouted Zelda.

"A Yield can force any other Teams to stop racing for a predetermined length of time. However, Teams can exercise their Yield power o­nly o­nce during the Race," explained Master Hand.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Hey, according to our first clue, there's a yield right ahead," said DK.  
"I hope we don't get yielded," replied Falcon.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"I choose to yield Falcon and DK," pronounced Zelda. Samus took out a photo and quickly stapled it to the (metal) sign.

_Bowser and Peach  
Hostage and Captor  
Currently in 9th Place  
_Bowser and Peach got pulled over by the police.  
"What did I do wrong?" asked Bowser.  
"Well, it's a rule for taxi drivers to go over 150 mph minimum. Otherwise, we'd have accidents!" said the police officer.  
"But doesn't going fast make more accidents?" asked Peach.  
"But if we had a speed limit, some people would go fast, and some people would go slow, so we'll just make everyone go fast lest we have slow moving and fast moving people which would slow traffic as opposed to fastening it and make fast people collide with slow people with is a fast way to cause slow or fast accidents which slow down the fast traffic even more!"  
"Right," said Peach. "So we have to go slow?"  
"You weren't listening!" exclaimed the police officer.  
"Yes we were," persisted Peach. "So… Uh…" continued Peach, loosening a cage, "Uh… Um… GO TOAD!"  
Toad the Toadstool appeared, and began his infamous Super-Soprano Torture Move. "Hello," he said in a **super high squeaky voice which upon hearing was a sure bet to cause insanity**. "How are you today? I'm very good. I know that Bowser is supposed to be evil, but he's on our side right now. We need to win this race so that we're all really, really happy! Do you want some tea? Loo dee loo da dee? I'm singing happily-ee! So don't give them a ticket! Ooh!"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHCHANSEYREIJNKMJIGGLYPUFFJNIH$EGHHHHH! STOP IT!" screamed all of the police officers, covering their ears and rolling around on the ground.

_Zelda and Samus  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Disseyland!" shouted Samus!  
"Hey Samus!" shouted Zelda. "I think we're in 1st place!"  
"How do you know that?"  
"You know those big letters that keep on appearing in front of me whenever the camera's focused upon us!"  
Zelda grabbed an envelope.  
"Detour!" read Zelda.

Master Hand gave a voiceover: "Wet or dirty? In this detour, each team must choose between one of two tasks. In Wet, the team members must pan for gold in an everyday swimming pool. Once they find gold, they give it to a greedy Diglett, and then receive their next clue. It's not strenuous, but it will take almost forever.  
"In Dirty, the team members must sponge bath an old guy who is stuck in a Rickey Mouse costume all day long. Once they've finished, they may take the next clue from a certain area of the guy's anatomy. It's disgusting and requires lots of physical exertion, but it should only take half a minute, because the old guy is about half a metre tall."

"Let's go dirty," said Samus.  
"But that's disgusting," replied Zelda.  
"Don't worry, I've got a plan!"  
Samus shoved the lens over the camera, and what could be heard was a phaser gun going off, screaming noises, boiling water, and an old guy screaming "Okay! Okay! I'll give you the clue! But only because that phaser evaporated all of the gunk and **raspberry **juice off my skin!"

_Nana and Popo  
Dating  
Currently in 2nd place  
_Nana and Popo looked at the yield sign, saw who had yielded who, chuckled, and then ran off to get their clue.  
"Hmm…" decided Popo.  
"Let's do wet!"

_Jigglypuff and Link  
Acquaintances  
Currently in 3rd place  
_"Disseyland!" said Link to Jigglypuff. They raced in, laughed as they passed the sign, and reached the next race marker.  
"Jigglypuff pig pil," read Jigglypuff. _"Wet or Dirty."_  
"Dirty. Definitely dirty," said Link at once. "How the hell is anyone supposed to find gold in a _swimming pool_, for goodness' sake?"  
Jigglypuff shrugged, and they ran for cover as the golden clouds of gold began to rain.

_Falcon and DK  
Definitely NOT Dating  
Currently in 7th Place  
_Captain Falcon and Donkey Kong ran into the Disseyland entrance. "Where is it?" said C. Falcon frantically.  
"There!" said DK.  
They rushed over to the next race marker.  
"Oh no!" said DK. "We've been yielded!"  
"Grr," said Captain Falcon whimsically. "When I find out who did it, I am going to crush his neck and cut him in half with a racer!"  
They scanned the sign. "What!?" said Captain Falcon. "We yielded ourselves!?"

Master Hand explained: "Captain Falcon and Donkey Kong have decided to use their yield privilege on the first leg of the race. If they get through to subsequent rounds, they will no longer be able to yield anyone."

"UNFAIR!" shouted Donkey Kong. "There must be some mistake. How could we have yielded ourselves?"  
"Don't worry," said Captain Falcon. "I'm sure that no one will pass us."  
Everyone else passed them, including Mario and Luigi who seemed to be in crutches and a coma, respectively.  
"I stand corrected," said Captain Falcon.  
Donkey Kong started crying. "Not fair! Me no happy! ME NO FRIGGING HAPPY!"

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Same pyramid scheme  
Currently in 2nd place  
_"Look!" said Link.  
"Jiggly?"  
"There's gold at the bottom of this pool. Come on, help me get it out!"  
Jigglypuff leaned over the edge of the 10m deep pool, but her arms weren't long enough to reach the gold at the bottom. Which is surprising. Because her arms should be long enough to reach the bottom of a 10m pool. Really.  
Link thought. "Maybe," he said, "I can fashion SCUBA gear out of this conveniently placed log, and dive down to the bottom of the pool and get the gold." He immediately began work.  
Jigglypuff went across the road, took a 15 minute elevator ride to a first storey shopping mall, and bought SCUBA gear. She then walked back to the pool.  
"Halfway there," mumbled Link. He suddenly noticed what Jigglypuff was carrying. "Brilliant idea, Jigglypuff!"  
He put on the equipment and prepared to dive.

_Samus and Zelda  
Friends  
Currently in 1st place  
_Samus and Zelda were going so fast that they had only managed to open the envelope by the time they were out of the building.  
"Go back into the building you just left, and get your next clue," read Samus.  
"Curses!" said Zelda.  
They ran back into the building and got their next clue. Walking out again, Samus read: "Go back into that same building, and then walk up one flight of stairs to get your next clue."  
Several minutes later, after it was safe to leave the building (a clue had instructed them to cross the road), Samus and Zelda opened their next clue.  
"Go to the Laundri-Anne Erjoans Pokemon battle centre," read Zelda.

Master Hand said: "This relatively unknown (and non-existent) casual Pokemon battle area is located twelve point four miles (that's one king-sized bottle of Cokepsi™), south of the teams' current position. Upon arrival, teams will discover that they must engage in and win a one-Pokemon battle. They may battle against this good trainer" – a picture appeared onscreen – "or against each other. Fighting the other teams is a good idea because teams may only rent level oh point five Pokemon, whereas the trainer has level Googol (like Gookle . com, just not as super-efficient. Use Gookle!) Pokemon who will kill your rental mercilessly. However, the last team left will _not_ be able to play another team, as everyone else will have gone off to some other planet by then. Oops! I gave it away. Pretend I said nothing.  
"After winning, each team will receive their next clue, which will lead them to – I've said too much. Back to the interesting bits."

_DK and Falcon  
Definitely NOT dating, and never will. And never have.  
Currently in last place  
_"This hourglass is taking forever to empty!" moaned Falcon.  
Donkey Kong realised that they hadn't turned it over. "Forget this!" he said angrily. "I'll just smash the hourglass and say that we weren't sure if time had run out!"  
Donkey Kong smashed the hourglass and said that they weren't sure if time had run out.  
"**WARNING!**" said a hidden loudspeaker. "**HOURGLASS BROKEN. EVACUATE! EVACUATE!**"  
Hoping that nobody had noticed, Captain Falcon and Donkey Kong quietly sneaked to the clue.

_Peach and Bowser  
Hostage and Captor  
Currently in 8th place_  
"Wet or dirty? Ooh, dirty sounds icky! Definitely not for me! I mean, can you image **_touching an old guy_**? That would be **soooooooooooo disgusting**! We are **not** doing dirty, do you understand? **Not. Doing. Dirty.**"  
"Okay, Bowser," said Peach.  
They reached the pool.  
**--2.5 hours later--  
**"There's no gold in this pool!" said Bowser in disgust.  
"Well, you didn't want to do the 'dirty' task," said Peach.  
"Did you?"  
"Ew! Of course not!" replied Peach.  
"Peach," said Bowser thoughtfully. "I have an idea. Could you lend me one of your golden bangles?"  
"The last time I lent you something, I had to pay three and four hundred and two thousandths billion dollars to get my toaster back," said Peach dubiously.  
"Please," said Bowser.  
"Okay," said Peach trustingly.  
Bowser gave the bangle to the Diglett by the pool. "I know it's cheating, but this bangle is worth three and four hundred and two thousandths billion dollars."  
The Diglett shrugged and gave them the clue.  
"Let's move!" said Peach, ripping over the envelope. "It looks as if Roy and his girlfriend have gotten the next clue too!"  
"Girlfriend?" said Bowser.  
"Only _girls_ are allowed to be princesses," explained Peach.  
"Marth's a prince," said Bowser.  
"Oh… right," said Peach. "That explains why Marth looks like a man beneath-"  
"LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU AND LOOK WE'VE GOT TO GO TO THIS WEIRD POKEMON TRAINING CENTRE!"

_Roy and Marth  
We'll tell you later  
Currently in 9th place  
_"All right! Pokemon battle!" said Marth.  
Roy and Marth called for a taxi.

_Zelda and Samus  
Friends  
Currently in 1st place  
_"Let's take on Nana and Popo!" said Samus, spying the Ice Climbers running into the building.  
Nana and Popo ran into the building and saw Samus and Zelda. "Wanna fight?" said Popo.  
Nana slapped him. "I've told you, Popo! It's not 'wanna', it's '_want to_'! Sheesh! You've **gotta learn** to talk properly one of these days, right?"  
"You're on," said Zelda.  
They stared at each other for a minute or so.  
"So…" said Popo.  
"I think we're supposed to rent a Pokemon," said Samus.  
"Well," said Zelda, "I want to rent this… er… level 1 Raichu, because it's cute!"  
"Hey!" said Nana. "_I_ wanted it!"  
"Don't worry," said some guy manning the rentals counter. "You _both_ can have one!"  
"Both?" said Zelda.  
"It's a pronoun," explained Samus. "It means 'two together'."  
"Oh, both!" said Zelda. "I thought you said 'pineapple'."  
Er… so they both got ready and… er… let's just cut to the Pokemon fight.  
Samus and Zelda's Raichu (we'll call it Raichu 1) and the Ice Climbers' Raichu (we'll call it Raichu One) went off to battle.  
"Raichu, use your electricity attack!" screamed Zelda.  
"Chu chu raichu?" _"Which one? Practically all of my attacks are electric."_  
"The best one!"  
"Chu!" _"Okay."_  
The Raichus both leaped into the air and fought. Very hard. And they… er… well, leave it to your imagination.  
A junior assistant ran in, shouting: "Hey! You're supposed to fight in the **fighting rooms**! This is the **argument room**!"  
The Raichus struck down the assistant.  
The trainer, who had been watching, said: "Well, I guess you… _defeated_ an unarmed pre-adult junior assistant, so I'll give you the next clue now."  
"All right!" said… er… who were the teams again? Oh yeah, that's right. "All right!" said Popo, Nana, Zelda and Samus.

Master Hand appeared. "Teams must now make their way to the Drunken Chansey Hotel, which will be the pit stop for the next leg of the race."

The two teams made their way off, while Jigglypuff and Link, and Kirby and Yoshi entered.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Eating Natter  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Hey Link! If you work with us together, we'll finish quicker!" said Kirby.  
"Whatever," replied Link.  
Kirby grabbed Jigglypuff and placed her in front of the junior assistant.  
**JIGGLYPUFF WILL GIVE THE NICE MAN LOTS OF LOVELY LOVELY LOVE-FULL LOVELY LOVELY LOVE WHICH IS VERY LOVELY!  
**"AAH! OKAY! HEERE'S YOUR CLUES! JUST LEMME GO!" screamed the assistant.  
The two teams ran off.

_Fox and Falco  
Work Colleagues  
Currently in 5th Place  
_Fox and Falco dashed into the Pokemon training centre, and looked around wildly. "There!" said Fox. "We're in luck! It's Mewzero!" (Mewzero is kind of like Mew and Mewtwo, except completely unimportant. Sorry. Where was I?)  
They quickly rented Mewzero. "Ha! Mewzero will easily beat whoever the next team rent!"

_Pikachu and Pichu  
Evolution at work  
Currently in 6th Place  
_Pikachu and Pichu rushed in. They ran up to the rental counter and scrambled around, looking for a good Pokemon.  
"Hey, Pichu," said Falco, completely unsuspiciously (he he). "We've chosen such a _bad Pokemon_ that if you fight us, we'll _definitely lose_."  
Pikachu narrowed his eyes. "Pika kachu ki!" _"I sense a trap!"_  
Not having heard, Pichu eagerly nodded.  
"Kai! Pikachu chupiki!" _"Hey! They've probably got Mewzero or something!"  
_"Pichu!" said Pichu, aghast. _"We'd better find a good Pokemon to rent, then!"_  
"Pika ka chu…" said Pikachu. _"Let me see that race card again…"_

_Fox and Falco  
Predator and Prey  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"I bet they'll choose an electric Pokemon," said Fox.  
"Why do ya figure that?" said Falco.  
"Well, they're electric Pokemon, right? If they chose any other type, it would mean that they thought that they were lousy fighters. And trust me, nobody who entered this race thinks that they're bad in any way."  
"I should have thought of that," said Falco mournfully. "I'm so stupid."  
The two electric Pokemon rushed in.  
"Let's fight!" said Fox. "Mewnothing, I choose you!"  
Mewnothing – sorry, er, Mewzero, jumped out of a Pokeball.  
"Pi chi chu chu!" _"Pikachu, I choose you!"_  
Pikachu, who Pichu had stuffed into a Pokeball, emerged.  
Mewzero, who had never seen a Pikachu before, laughed at how cute and harmless Pikachu looked.  
Pikachu **--censored censored not suitable for viewing by sane audiences censored censored--**, making Mewzero faint.  
"No!" screamed Fox or Falco, it doesn't really matter, as the two electric Pokemon ran out of the building.  
Falco pulled out his blaster and knocked out the trainer who held all the clues. "Quick!" he said, running over and grabbing a card. "We need to get to the Drunken Chansey Hotel – pronto!"

_Zelda and Samus  
Friends  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Quick! There it is!" said Zelda to the taxi driver.  
Zelda and Samus jumped out of the taxi. Just right next to them, Ness and Mewtwo jumped out of a taxi next to them.  
"How did you get here so fast?" asked Samus.  
"We read the author's mind," replied Mewtwo.  
The two teams sprinted into the hotel, and tried to find Master Hand. Master Hand waved at the two teams up a flight of stairs and they both sprinted up the stairs. Ness realised that him and Mewtwo weren't going to make it, so he whacked his baseball bat at Zelda and pushed Samus into a wall, then Ness and Mewtwo ran next to Master Hand.

"Chansey!" a Chansey spoke. _"Welcome to the drunken Chansey!"  
_"Ness and Mewtwo, you're team number one! Because you came first, you get a holiday to sunny Ripple Star, courtesy of DeDe Airlines!"  
Ness and Mewtwo high-fived each other and then ran and helped Samus and Zelda up.  
"Sorry about that," said Ness, helping Samus up.  
"Don't worry," replied Samus. "Just expect to be phaser gunned a bit later."  
Samus and Zelda ran to Master Hand.  
"Samus and Zelda, you're team number two!" announced Master Hand.  
"Yeah!" cheered Samus and Zelda.

Nana and Popo ran into the Drunken Chansey and then saw Master Hand up a pair of stairs. They ran up, when suddenly, Sonic attacked them for no apparent reason other than that the author had no other ideas in his head.  
Sonic: OMFG!!!!!111 STFU NANA POPO N00B!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!1111  
Master Hand threw Sonic into a nearby ocean and flew back to Nana and Popo.  
"Nana and Popo, you're team number three!" announced Master Hand.  
Nana kissed Popo on the cheek and they went to their designated hotel room.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Eating Natter  
Currently in 4th Place  
_Kirby and Yoshi ran into the Drunken Chansey, ran up a flight of stairs to get to Master Hand.  
"Kirby and Yoshi… you're team number four!"  
Kirby and Yoshi zoomed downstairs and definitely did not go to the buffet.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Same Pyramid Scheme  
Currently in 5th Place  
_Link and Jigglypuff entered the hotel, noticing the empty buffet. They ran up the stairs, when they noticed Young Link and Ganondorf running into the hotel.  
"Come on Jigglypuff, let's go!" screamed Link, running up the stairs.  
**BUT THEY ARE JIGGLYPUFF'S FRIENDS!!!!  
**Jigglypuff hugged Young Link and Ganondorf, pushing them back a few hundred metres. Link and Jigglypuff then ran up the stairs, and ran up to Master Hand.  
"Link and Jigglypuff… you're team number five!"  
"Yeah!" screamed Link.

_Fox and Falco  
Work colleagues  
Currently in 6th Place  
_Fox and Falco, Pikachu and Pichu entered the building at about the same time. Pikachu and Pichu attacked Fox and Falco from behind, and then they ran up the stairs.  
"Pichu and Pikachu… you're team number six!"  
"Piika!" said Pichu.  
Fox and Falco stood up again, to be trampled by Ganondorf and Young Link.  
"Young Link and Ganondorf… you're team number seven!"  
"Falco, the next person that tries to run over us, we'll phaser gun them to death!" whispered Fox.  
Fox and Falco stood up, and Mario dropped a crutch on both of them. Fox and Falco phaser gunned them to death, realised it was Mario and Luigi, and then ran up to Master Hand.  
"Fox and Falco, you're team number eight!"  
"Oh yeah!" shouted Falco.

_Marth and Roy  
We'll tell you later  
Currently in 10th Place  
_Marth and Roy ran over Mario and Luigi, and then ran upstairs to Master Hand.  
"Marth and Roy, you're team number nine!"  
"Oh yeah!" shouted Marth.

_Peach and Bowser  
Hostage and Captor  
Currently in 11th Place  
_Peach and Bowser ran in, and then helped a phaser gunned Bowser and Luigi. They then ran upstairs.  
"Peach and Bowser, you're team number ten!"

_Mario and Luigi  
Mario Brothers  
Currently in 11th Place  
_Mario and Luigi placed their crutches slowly up the stairs, when suddenly, Falcon and DK ran in!  
"Luigi! Four steps to go!" encouraged Mario.  
Falcon and DK sprinted up the stairs, trying to get to Master Hand first!  
"Three steps!" shouted Luigi.  
Falcon and DK were halfway up the stairs.  
"Two steps!" shouted Mario.  
Falcon and DK were rapidly gaining.  
"One step-a!" shouted Luigi.  
Falcon and Donkey Kong caught up! Donkey Kong ran to Master Hand, but Falcon looked at Mario's leg.  
"Oh dear Mario. If you apply my lipstick onto there, it should be much better!" comforted Falcon.  
"Wait! You have lipstick?" asked DK.  
"No, it's just lip balm!" replied Falcon.  
"Then why's it red?" asked DK.  
"Look, Mario and Luigi are about to get there!"

DK and Falcon sprinted to Master Hand.  
"DK and Falcon, you are team number eleven!"  
"Woo!" shouted Donkey Kong.  
"That makes Mario and Luigi ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ eliminated."

"We had our experiences," cried Luigi, "But the jealousy-a of the other people just won't-a let-us-a win!"

**Next Week: **Language problems, Tough choices, Team rivalries, more shocking statements, Next week! (or when we feel like it).

Here are the finishing times for your curiosity: (so we lied)  
Ness and Mewtwo: 17:33 PM  
Samus and Zelda: 17:34 PM  
Nana and Popo: 17:40 PM  
Kirby and Yoshi: 17:48 PM  
Link and Jigglypuff: 17:51 PM  
Pichu and Pikachu: 17:56 PM  
Young Link and Ganondorf: 17:58 PM  
Fox and Falco: 18:00 PM  
Marth and Roy 18:04 PM  
Peach and Bowser: 18:10 PM  
DK and Falcon: 18:25 PM  
Mario and Luigi: 18:25 PM

Please R/R and tell us who you want to win!


	2. Leg Two: Mushroom Kingdom

A Smashy Amazing Race  
Leg two- Guest authored by tikitikirevenge

Disclaimer: WHEEL… OF… FORTUNE!

**A SMASHY AMAZING RACE  
**  
"Welcome to the Smashy Amazing Race! Of course, this is not a copyright infringement of 'The Amazing Race'; our pizza is infringing copyright too!" announced Master Hand, the host of this show. "If you don't want to watch this, why not eat some KFO (Kentucky Fried Ostrich)?"

The teams are (don't worry, this is the only list in the **whole chapter**):  
Nana and Popo (the beast and the beauty)  
Pichu and Pikachu (2 letters difference)  
Kirby and Yoshi (carnivorous)  
Peach and Bowser (the beauty and the beast)  
Ganondorf and Young Link (old enemies)  
Ness and Mewtwo (monopoly champions)  
Zelda and Samus (friends)  
Link and Jigglypuff (ex-pancake factory workers)  
Falcon and DK (yeah, they're straight)  
Fox and Falco (work colleagues)  
Marth and Roy (you'll know after)

"After every pit stop each team gets a mandatory rest period, where teams have the chance to eat, sleep and mingle with the other teams.  
A brawl between Ness and Mewtwo, and Samus and Zelda gave the two teams a slight grudge, almost finishing back to back.  
Fox and Falco, and the Mario brothers experienced lots of problems.  
A close call between on-crutches Mario and Luigi, and DK and Falcon made the Mario Brothers become eliminated," said Master Hand.

A big title appeared.  
**LEG TWO  
**"Ness and Mewtwo arrived at 5.33 PM, they will depart at 5.33 AM."

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Monopoly Champions  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Ness opened the envelope.  
"You must go to Saffron airport and book a flight to Mushroom Kingdom! You must then go and find your way to The Bronze starman!!" read Ness.  
"Yeah!" replied Mewtwo.

A voiceover from Master Hand: "The Bronze Starman was erected fifteen years ago thanks to the generosity of the Mario Brothers Plumbing Company. It stands in the middle of a busy road, celebrating the annoying yet humorous presence of the Starman (plural, schmural), and remaining there as a tribute to the everlastingness, invincibility, timelessness, fadelessness and immortality of the Starman. The statue was washed away after a light shower fourteen years eleven months and thirty days ago, but you can still kind of make out where it once stood. In the middle of that same busy intersection, teams will find their next clue located in the centre of a tiny traffic island."

_Zelda and Samus  
Friends  
Currently in 2nd Place  
5:35 AM  
_Zelda and Samus ran to get to a taxi.  
"Psyduck!" the driver said. _"Where do you want to go?"  
_"Take us to the airport!"  
"Psyduck!"

_Nana and Popo  
The beast and the beauty  
Currently in 3rd place  
_Nana and Popo booked their flight, and then waited at their gate.  
"Oh, hi Samus!" said Nana in a cheerful way.  
"Hi beast and the beauty!" replied Samus.  
"Oh yeah?" replied Nana, "At least we don't shoot old guys!"  
"How did you know?" replied Zelda.  
"Haha," replied Popo, "Nana's a beast!"  
"And you're a beauty? You can obviously see that I am not a beast!" said Nana.  
"So you're in protection of an old guy?" replied Samus.  
"No, I'm in protection of Master Hand, because if you can arouse him, he'll let you win!" said Nana in a not so cheerful way.  
"Ha! So you secretly want to do Master Hand?" replied Zelda.  
"No! And you want to do that nerdy assistant in the pokemon centre!" screamed Nana.  
"No I don't!" replied Zelda. "Anyway, I think the trainer was hotter!" replied Zelda.  
"So you secretly want to do the trainer?" replied Nana.  
"The flight's been delayed an hour," exclaimed Popo.  
"Look," replied Samus, "The only people that Zelda wants to do are: Link, and Donkey Kong."  
"DONKEY KONG??! THAT FANTASY WAS YEARS AGO! IF YOU EVEN DARE TALK ABOUT ME THE PRINCESS OF HYRULE LIKE THAT AGAIN I WILL PERSONALLY RIP OUT YOUR ()()(&$ AND I KNOW YOU HAVE SOME NANA OTHERWISE YOU'D BE FEMALE!" replied Zelda calmly.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Monopoly champions  
Currently in 1st place  
_"C'mon, this is taking forever!" complained Ness.  
"Ness, can you fly a plane?" replied Mewtwo.  
"Yeah," replied Ness. "But I don't think that it's legal," he added.  
"Don't worry," said Mewtwo. "After all, we're in Saffron City! You can get away with **anything** here."  
Three aliens abducted a shopping trolley nearby, and didn't receive a fine.  
"See?" said Mewtwo.  
"Wow! Back in Eagleland, if an alien did that, it could end up having to pay for the cost of an entire ice cream!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Carnivorous  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Hey Kirby!" called Ness.  
"Poyo?" replied Kirby.  
"Do you want a 15 minute head start?" asked Ness.  
"Yoshi!" replied Yoshi.  
"I can fly a plane, so we can get there faster than most of the other teams!"  
_"Plus, there's a loophole in the law that will make you responsible if there's an accident," thought Ness.  
_"Pardon?" replied Kirby.  
"Uh… nothing, replied Ness.  
_"Damn."  
_  
_Link and Jigglypuff  
Ex-pancake factory workers  
Currently in 5th place  
_Jigglypuff and Link walked into the airport.  
"Jiggly?" _"Is the bee bottomless?"  
_"Hey Link, do you want to fly in an illegal- er… legal plane? Heh heh," asked Ness.  
"No Ness, I don't support the dark arts!" replied Link.  
Link and Jigglypuff went away laughing.  
"Hilarious," replied Mewtwo.

_Pichu and Pikachu  
2 letters difference  
Currently in 6th place  
_"Pika pika?" _"Do you want to join Ness and Mewtwo and go on their illegal plane?"  
_"Pichu!" replied Pichu. _"Whatever."  
_"Do you want to join me and Mewtwo and go on our legal plane?"  
"Pichu?" replied Pichu. _"How many minutes do you cut off?"  
_"If we leave soon, about 15 minutes," replied Ness.  
"Piika Pika Piika!" _"Sure!"  
_"But for our plane to be semi-legal, we need two more."  
"Hey Ganondorf!" shouted Ness.  
"No, that's illegal, that's evil, and I'm certainly for one not evil," replied Ganondorf.  
"Hey Fox and Falco!" shouted Ness.  
"No way!" replied Fox.  
"Roy and Ma…"  
"No," replied Marth.  
"Ness, you human fool, you'll never get anyone to board a stolen piece of junk," laughed Mewtwo. "Especially not P-"  
"Peach and Bowser?" asked Ness.  
"Of course we'll ride your perfectly legal vehicle!" replied Bowser. "But if it's illegal, we refuse to pay anything to Cokepsi™ Incorporated."  
"Fine by me," said Ness.  
"I WILL KILL YOU ALL" said Mewtwo, who happened to just have bought Cokepsi™ stock seven milliseconds beforehand.

_DK and Falcon  
Yeah, they're straight  
Currently in Last Place  
_"C'mon, let's hurry!" replied DK, running down a lot of walkways into their gate.  
"We made it!" cheered Falcon.  
"GUESS WHAT SAMUS? YOU'RE PROBABLY THE BIGGEST B!(1-1 THAT WAS EVER BORN ON THIS PLANET!" screamed Nana.  
"Hey, don't bag my baby!" replied Falcon.  
"I'M NOT YOUR BABY!" shrieked Samus.  
"Well Donkey Kong's your big fantasy!" replied Nana.  
"HE IS NOT!" shouted Zelda.  
"Well you said he was about 10 minutes ago!" replied Nana.  
"YEAH, BUT THAT WAS YEARS AGO!" shouted Zelda.  
"But, I thought you still liked him yesterday," exclaimed Ganondorf. "You told DK you liked him when you were doing that drunken lap-"  
"LALALALALA CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALA!" sang Zelda.  
"First call for plane to Mushroom Kingdom, via De Island De Bowser!" called a speaker.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Monopoly Champions  
Currently in last place  
_"Good news!" announced Ness. "There's an unmanned aircraft on runway nine! It should fit us all!"

Master Hand took over. "All the teams except for Ness and Mewtwo, Kirby and Yoshi, Pichu and Pikachu, and Peach and Bowser are on a flight that is scheduled to leave at 08:30 AM, stopover at the Koopa Airlines hub, De Island De Bowser, at 12:00 PM, and arrives at 2.45 PM. The others will fly straightforward, and without the stopover, they'll have at least an hour head start. However, the smaller aircraft may not be as reliable, so there is a risk that Ness' stolen plane may crash and burn, scarring the survivors permanently. This **may** cause them to **lose their advantage**."

_Samus and Zelda  
"Friends"  
Currently in 6th place  
_"Come on Zelda, let's go!" shouted Samus. Zelda and Samus ran off to the plane which had been stolen by Ness and Mewtwo, which was taking off (hence the flames), grabbed on it while it was taxi-ing and then hopped onboard.  
"Wait up baby!" screamed Falcon who jumped onto the plane with Donkey Kong, making it twist in a way that the jet streams behind it spelt: "DRINK COKEPSI™".

_Jigglypuff and Link  
Ex-pancake factory workers  
Currently in 9th place  
_"Drinks?" asked a Koopa Air flight attendant.  
"Jig jiggly jig?"_ "What should I have?"  
_"Jigglypuff, have Dr. Salt!" replied Link. "It's good for the brain!"  
_"Hey!"_ thought Jigglypuff. _"Jigglypuff isn't stupid or naïve. She won't fall for your evil advertising tricks!"_  
A piece of paper flew by, bearing the word "Cokepsi™". Jigglypuff knew! She'd buy this brand of vacuum cleaner or whatever it was instead! She tried to run through Link to reach it, but it didn't work too well.

_Falcon and DK  
Yeah, they're straight  
Currently in 4th place  
_"Careful!" said C. Falcon, crawling deeper underneath the tarp which he was hiding under. "Donkey Kong, where did Samus and that other good looking she-prince with her go?"  
"I'm Samus!" said Samus, who was about three millimetres in front of him.  
"Oh!" he said.  
They all heard footsteps coming up towards them. "Shh! Somebody's coming!" said Donkey Kong. For the record, I'll state that it was obvious that he was stating the statedly instated obviously obvious.  
Everyone huddled up really close. "Don't you dare," whispered Zelda as Donkey Kong's left eyeball pressed into her nose.  
"This hurts me more than it hurts you," DK whispered back.  
"Good," said Zelda, digging her fingernails into DK's face.  
"Ow!" said Donkey Kong, possibly in pain.  
The footsteps dies away.  
"I don't think anyone noticed us," said Captain Falcon, reaching forward. "Now give me a kiss, baby," he continued, wrapping his arm around at waist level seductively.  
"I'm behind you," said Samus.  
"Oh!" said Captain Falcon. "Sorry 'bout that, Zelda."  
"You're sorry about what?" said Zelda.  
"You're not Zelda? Oh, then you must be – Donkey Kong? It was an accident! I didn't mean to fondle you!" he said, trying to move his hands away but instead caressing gently. And smoothly. And lovingly. In an undeliberate manner.  
"Nobody's fondling me," said Donkey Kong. "Nobody loves me! I'm a reject! A **reject!**"  
"Wait!" said Captain Falcon. "I'm not holding Samus, or Zelda, or Donkey Kong, and I don't feel anyone holding me, so I'm not holding myself. So who is it?"  
**--that music from _Psycho_ by Hitchcock--**

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Carnivorous  
Currently in 5th place  
_"ARURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURU!" cried Yoshi, pulling his head out from under the tarp.  
_"Argh! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me!"  
_"What?" replied Kirby, eating cake.  
"THAT'S IT, FALCON!" shouted Samus, "Goodbye."  
Samus pushed Falcon out of the moving aircraft.  
"Wait up, Falcon!" shouted Donkey Kong. "You could have told me that you were leaving!" And in a flash of rare intelligence, he jumped out of the plane.  
_  
Falcon and DK  
Yeah, they're straight  
Currently in 5th place  
_"AAH!"  
Falcon grabbed onto a wing of another nearby taking off plane. Donkey Kong rotated his arms fast and managed to get a grip on the left wing, that at the same time, Marth and Roy were grabbing.  
(inside the cockpit)  
"John, we've got extra weight on the left wing!" cried a pilot.  
"We'll have to go to extreme measures…" replied John, another pilot, "Drop the left wing!"  
They all fell down onto an auto-piloting motorboat.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Monopoly Champions  
Currently in first place  
_"Okay, let's land this baby!" shouted Ness.  
Ness and Mewtwo forced the gears down and landed the aircraft in the national monument, the bronze starman. Ness, thinking quickly pulled himself out of the aircraft and locked the others in.  
"WHA?" screamed Bowser, "THEY'VE LOCKED US IN?!"  
Ness and Mewtwo pulled an envelope out of an envelope and looked at what was inside it.  
"Fast Forward or Road Block?" asked Ness.

Master Hand had a voice-over. "In the road block, one person from each team must unclog one of 11 nearby public toilets until they reach their clue.  
In Fast Forward, teams must drive to Moo Moo Farm, 1 hour out from here, and try to complete one lap of the go-kart track in 35 seconds. They have 2 tries to do this, and if they both don't do it in one try, they have to go back to the other tasks. It's a risk, but if they succeed it saves lots of time."

"Road Block," said Ness. "I don't have any go-kart experience and it will be a waste."  
Ness and Mewtwo ran over to a cubicle, and started plumbing.

_Peach and Bowser  
The Beauty and the Beast  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Pikachu," screamed Peach, "We need to go to desperate measures!"  
"Pika?" replied Pikachu.  
Peach rammed Pikachu into the door and then ran out, followed by Bowser and Zelda and Samus, Kirby and Yoshi, and then the electric pokemon.

_Nana and Popo  
The Beast and the Beauty  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Oh great, our pilot lost our left wing, they had to stop at Koop Island just to get a Mountain Dew, and now they have to stopover for three hours because the pilot needs to get aspirin, now what?" asked Popo.  
Just then, the right wing of the plane fell off.  
"THAT'S IT!" screamed Nana. Nana ran into the cockpit and put her voice over the intercom. "DO-YOU-WANT-TO-GO-TO-THE-MUSHROOM-KINGDOM?" continued Nana in an alarmingly nice voice.  
"Yes," all the passengers churned almost at the same time.  
"WELL, WE-ARE-GOING-TO-GET-THERE!" screamed Nana, and she started to taxi the plane into the water.  
"Are you crazy?" asked Popo.  
"YES!" screamed Nana as she drove the vehicle at high speeds without the wings.  
"How much more have we got to go?"  
"8 Miles," replied Nana, steering past flocks of birds, large clouds, and highly explosive oil tankers.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Monopoly Champions  
Currently in 1st place  
_"Got it!" shouted Ness, and Ness and Mewtwo read their clue.  
"Scamper or Pamper?"

Master Hand said: "In Scamper, like in some Mario Party Games, members of each team must try and escape from Boo in his Mansion on skateboards. If they get through, they will get their next clue, but if they don't, they'll have to start again. If one person gets to the clue in time, they get to keep it. To do this you need a lot of physical exertion, but if you get it right in the first few tries, it will pay off.  
In Pamper, teams must drive to Daisy's expensive hairdressers. They must give a patient a makeover, and when the customer is satisfied, they will give the teams their next clue. It is not physically hard, but it may take a while."

"Scamper," said Ness.  
"Scamper," replied Mewtwo.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Carnivorous  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_Yoshi held Kirby down with his tongue, and then Kirby reached for the clue. Kirby jumped up and read the clue.  
"Yoshi her Yoshi?" _"Scamper or Pamper?"  
_"Scamper," replied Kirby.

_Peach and Bowser  
Beauty and the Beast  
Currently in First Place  
_"So we're going to Moo Moo farm?" asked Peach.  
"Yep," replied Bowser.  
"There it is!" screamed Peach.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Carnivorous  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Go!" shouted Boo.  
Kirby and Yoshi, Zelda and Samus, Ness and Mewtwo, and Pichu and Pikachu tried to escape on skateboards from Boo. Zelda tripped over Pikachu, who then fell behind. After that, Pichu pushed Zelda off her board onto Yoshi, making them both be caught. Samus jumped, and in midair kicked Mewtwo, but Mewtwo managed to teleport, but Ness fell behind. About halfway, Samus tried to kick Kirby, but Kirby ate Samus, thus making them both fall over. Mewtwo and Pichu tried to make it to the end, but Pichu fell over, and Mewtwo just managed to get the clue.  
"Yes!" shouted Ness, and Ness and Mewtwo ran out of Boo's mansion and read the clue.

_Peach and Bowser  
Beauty and the beast  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Damn!" shouted Bowser, as he didn't make the end of the go-kart for his first try.  
"If you catch me, I'll let you kidnap me!" said Peach.  
"Ready…" said a Koopa, "Set… Go!"  
Peach and Bowser set out on their go-karts.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Carnivorous  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Yes!" shouted Kirby.  
Kirby and Yoshi finally got past Boo and set out to their next destination.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Monopoly champions  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"We need to make our way to Peach's castle!"

"Teams must now make their way to Peach's Castle, and navigate Peach's bedroom, which will be the 2nd pit stop. The last person to arrive may get eliminated!" announced Master Hand.

_Peach and Bowser  
Beauty and the beast  
Currently in first place  
_"It's my house! This should be easy!" shouted Peach.  
"Do you know where your bedroom is?" joked Bowser.  
"Uh… Er… No," replied Peach.  
"What?" replied Bowser.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Monopoly champions  
Currently in 2nd Plcae  
_"Peach's castle!" said Ness.  
Ness and Mewtwo ran in, read the authors mind, and went into Peach's bedroom, all in front of Peach and Bowser.  
"We-welcome to Mushroom Kingdom!" said a Koopa.  
"Ness and Mewtwo, you are team number one! And for that, you get a trip to sunny Koop Island!" announced Master Hand.  
"Woohoo!" shouted Ness.  
"Peach, don't you think we should go in there?" asked Bowser.  
"No, it's a trap!" screamed Peach.  
"But that's your bedroom!" replied Bowser.  
"I know!" replied Peach.  
"Have you trapped your bedroom?"  
"No, I haven't!"  
"Then why don't we go into your bedroom?" asked Bowser.  
"It's a trap!"  
Bowser sighed.

_Zelda and Samus  
Friends  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Zelda and Samus ran into Peach's house, looked into a few rooms, and then found Master Hand.  
"Zelda and Samus, you are team number two!"  
"Yay!" shouted Zelda.  
"Come on, Peach!" said Bowser, grabbing her.  
"Okay!" replied Peach.  
Bowser and Peach walked to the doorway and then were about to open the door, when Peach dropped her lipstick.  
"My lipstick!" cried Peach. "Where is it? I can't see it!"  
Bowser picked the lipstick, but the cap fell off.  
"You broke it!" cried Peach. "YOU BROKE MY LIPSTICK!"  
"No, the cap just fell off!"  
"But you hurt her feelings! Are you okay, lippy?"  
Bowser sighed.

Kirby and Yoshi ran in, followed by Pichu and Pikachu.  
"Kirby and Yoshi, you are team number three. Pichu and Pikcahu, you're team number four!"  
"Yoshi!" shouted Yoshi.  
"Oh that's it…" shouted Bowser.  
Bowser rammed Peach into the door, took a few minutes to calm her down and then stepped on the world map that represented the pit stop.  
"Bowser and Peach… You're team number five!"

_Nana and Popo  
The Beast and the beauty  
Currently in 6th Place  
_After Nana hijacking the plane and driving underwater, putting serious damage to the plane, and after a serious argument with Boo, they found their way to Peach's castle.  
"Nana and Popo, you're team number six."  
"Yeah!" shouted a wet Nana who was soaked after they had to evacuate the plane before reaching land.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Ex-pancake factory workers  
Currently in 7th Place  
_Jigglypuff and Link ran in 10 minutes later, Jigglypuff holding her 23rd Cokepsi.  
"Jigglypuff and Link… you're team number seven!"

_Fox and Falco  
Work colleagues  
Currently in 8th place  
_Fox and Falco ran in, gave a dirty look to Nana and Popo and then ran into Peach's bedroom.  
"Fox and Falco… You're team number eight," said Master Hand.  
Fox and Falco sighed in relief and then went off.

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
Ye Olde enemies  
Currently in 9th place  
_Ganondorf and Young Link ran into Peach's castle about 30 minutes later looking disappointed.  
"Ganondorf and Young Link… Unfortunately you are in… 9TH PLACE!"  
Ganondorf and Young Link celebrated, and a voiceover came from Young Link.  
"We seriously thought we were going out, because we failed our Fast Forward miserably and no one was behind us. I seriously thought we were gone, long gone."

_DK and Falcon  
Yeah, they're straight  
Currently in 10th Place  
_"Oh $(-)!T!" shouted Falcon. "No one's there!"  
Falcon and Donkey Kong, Marth and Roy were looking for Peach's castle but they were at the wrong building.  
"THERE IT IS!" shouted Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong and Falcon ran into Peach's castle but then were over-taken by Marth and Roy. They saw only one room with a lot of noise. They both ran for it, Marth ran ahead while Donkey Kong and Falcon were equal. All of them four ran into the room at the same time, but Falcon whipped Roy with a handbag.  
"You have a HANDBAG?!!" asked Donkey Kong.  
"It's just a backpack!" screamed Falcon. "Really!"  
"Then why has it only got one…"  
"There's the finish line!"  
Falcon and Donkey Kong ran onto the finish line.  
"Falcon and DK, you are team number ten! And that means Marth and Roy, you are unfortunately eliminated."

A voiceover of Marth appeared. "Well, we knew we were going soon, we were very close to last and we knew something would happen. If it weren't for Mr. Ever-So-Straights' handbag, we would've caned them."

**Next time: **(in more than a month) Congo Jungle! Lyrics and Mallets!

-------------------------------------  
Times: (Okay, so we're liars)  
Ness and Mewtwo: 15:20  
Zelda and Samus: 15:24  
Kirby and Yoshi: 15:30  
Pichu and Pikachu: 15:30  
Bowser and Peach: 15:35  
Nana and Popo: 16:18  
Link and Jigglypuff: 16:27  
Fox and Falco: 16: 31  
Young Link and Ganondorf: 17:03  
Falcon and DK: 17:09

Please R/R and tell us who you want to win!


	3. Leg three: Shiver Star

﻿ 

A Smashy Amazing Race  
Leg three  
Thanks to tikitikirevenge for helping me. Yeah.

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from Nintendo, but I am currently drinking a nice tasty can of good ol' Wscheppes™!

**A SMASHY AMAZING RACE  
**  
"Welcome to the Smashy Amazing Race! Of course, last week, this episode's destination was a secret, so we put Congo Jungle there to confuse you! If you don't like watching this show, then sit down and have a Pepscike™ family fun drink!"

The teams are (don't worry, this is the only list in this **whole page**):  
Nana and Popo (Dr. Salt™)  
Pichu and Pikachu (Pepscike™)  
Kirby and Yoshi (Cokepsi™)  
Peach and Bowser (Dountain Mew™)  
Ganondorf and Young Link (Spite™)  
Ness and Mewtwo (Boral C™)  
Zelda and Samus (Baco Tell™)  
Link and Jigglypuff (E. Coli™)  
Falcon and DK (Ragnier™)  
Fox and Falco (Too weird to get any sponsors)

"Last episode, we visited Mushroom Kingdom! Nana and Popo, and Samus and Zelda had a huge fight. Ness and Mewtwo stole a plane and went off with Kirby and Yoshi, Pikachu and Pichu, Falcon and DK and Bowser and Peach! Falcon and Donkey Kong well… accidentally fell out of the plane and almost risked elimination, but with a close call with Marth and Roy, they didn't face elimination!" said Master Hand.  
"After every pit stop each team gets a mandatory rest period, where teams have the chance to eat, sleep and mingle with the other teams."

**LEG THREE**

"Ness and Mewtwo arrived at 3:20 PM, they will depart at 3:20 AM," announced Master Hand.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Boral C™  
Currently in 1st Place_

Ness opened the envelope and read.

"Contestants must now make their way to Mushroom Airport and book a flight to Utopreah, in Shiver Star. They then must make their way to Island Iceburg (bad spelling on purpose), where they will find their next clue buried under 20 feet of snow," said a voiceover from Master Hand.

Suddenly, Fox and Falco burst through the door.  
"Shiver Star!" screamed Falco, as he ran through the hallway. "Let's…"  
CRACKKKK! PLOOM! The floorboards underneath Fox and Falco broke near the front door, and Fox and Falco fell into a cave full of mouse traps, cobras, and Koopas running in circles. At this same time, a sign came down from the ceiling, with the words, "You've been **booby trapped by Bowser**!". Ness and Mewtwo looked down, and then joyfully skipped down holding hands into a taxi.

_Zelda and Samus  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 3rd place  
_Zelda and Samus ran out of the room, around the big hole in the floor and then ran into the front courtyard.  
"Taxi!" screamed Zelda.  
A taxi screeched on the curb.  
"Get ready…" said the Koopa taxi driver as Zelda and Samus walked in, "To meet your fate…"  
"Pardon?" replied Samus.  
"Oh… Nothing…" replied the Koopa.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Cokepsi™  
Currently in 4th place  
_"Yoshi!" shouted Yoshi, motioning to Kirby, who was stealing Peach's apples. _"Hurry up, Kirby, we're going to Shiver Star!"  
_"Okay," replied Kirby, "Let's go!" He quickly grabbed a minibar.  
Kirby and Yoshi ran out and then stopped near a large hole in the ground.  
"Yoshi?" replied Yoshi. _"I hope you spat out your seeds."  
_"Whoops," replied Kirby, spitting them into the hole.  
"Ow!"

_Pichu and Pikachu  
Pepscike™  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Piika?" asked Pikachu. _"Why don't you put down those granite bowling balls somewhere?"  
_Pichu dropped them into a rather large hole near them.  
"Pich!" replied Pichu. _"I'm sure glad there's no one down there!"_  
Pichu and Pikachu laughed and walked out of the door.

_Peach and Bowser  
Dountain Mew™  
Currently in 5th Place  
_Peach and Bowser strolled through the hallway, until Peach noticed a sign.  
"Booby trapped by Bowser…" read Peach. "I'm sure glad you wouldn't do something like that, Bowser!"  
Bowser laughed nervously and then walked out.  
"Oh…" murmured Peach.  
"Yes?" replied Bowser.  
"Oh nothing… I just need to drop 500 tonnes worth of anvils into this convenient hole, that's all."  
"Oh, okay."

_Nana and Popo  
Dr Salt™  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Come on Popo! The leaders are almost an hour ahead of us!" screamed Nana.  
"Sorry, I was just trying to be part of the running joke," replied Popo.  
"Running joke?" said Nana. "It's not like there are two anthropomorphic space pilots trapped in there or anything. I can safely throw these used surgical needles in there."

_Link and Jigglypuff  
E. Coli™  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Jigglypuff!" screamed Link.  
But the Jigglypuff only wanted to eat these mutated Hippo eggs! Eggs? Jigglypuff stuffed them straight into her mouth.  
"Jigglypuff, I hope you please don't eat anymore hippo eggs, they're the first thing that leads to someone trying to stab an endangered… Jigglypuff… are you still there with me?" asked Link.  
But all she heard was "Jigglypuff… please… stab… me…"

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Too Weird to get any sponsors  
Currently in 8th Place  
_"Hey Ganondorf, you elegantly quite very nice not evil nice non-drugging person, why do you keep on feeding me these suspiciously delightful snacks when you don't have any at all?" asked Young Link.  
"Shut up and keep eating those chips," replied Ganondorf pouring liquids onto Young Link's snack.

_Falcon and DK  
Ragnier™  
Currently in 8th place  
_"Taxi!" shouted Falcon.  
"Hop on in…" replied an overweight Koopa.  
"Take us to the airport!" told DK.  
"Yes… I see you've brought your handbag… Falcon…" replied the Koopa menacingly.

_Samus and Zelda  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"I hope you haven't got any sharp items…" said the Koopa.  
"Oh… No… We don't…" replied Samus, in a kind voice.  
"Great, Samus," replied the Koopa.

_Falcon and DK  
Ragnier™  
Currently in 8th Place  
_"Do you guys have any weapons or sharp things?" asked M… I mean… the Koopa taxi driver.  
"No," replied DK and Falcon.  
"Good," replied Ma… the Koopa.  
The Koopa took out his walkie talkie and started to talk.  
"Operation 'stop the smashers' is underway," spoke the Koopa. Yeah, really, the Koopa.  
"Why do Koopas have zips?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"I don't know," replied the Koopa. "Let's speed up."  
"Why are you going 230 kilometres an hour?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"Don't you want to win the race?" asked the Koopa taxi driver.  
"Not really, actually, I did this to make up with Samus," explained Falcon.  
"And my (forced) wife Peach is kind of giving me a hard time at home, I wanted to be with a close friend," replied Donkey Kong.

_Fox and Falco  
Currently in Last Place  
Too weird to get any sponsors  
_Fox removed the doorknob from his ears and they climbed up out of the deep hole in Peach's castle.  
"How are we going to get to the airport?" asked Falco.  
"I'll hold on to you," replied Fox.  
Fox squinted his eyes, pushed hard, and a streaming ball of fire came out of Fox's butt.  
"HIYA!" screamed Fox.  
"Isn't your butt going to be sore after this?" asked Falco.  
"HIYA!" screamed Fox, flying another ten metres. "Okay, I'm all warmed up!"

_Jigglypuff and Link  
Currently in 8th Place  
E Coli™  
_"Why have Fox and Falco passed us?" asked Link.  
"Jig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Maybe because that pot plant you stole ate our taxi driver?"  
_"I guess you're right!" replied Link.  
"Jig Ig Jig!" _"I guess we'll have to walk into the sunset!"  
_Jigglypuff and Link trotted and galloped along, holding hands, but because Link was taller than Jigglypuff, every two seconds Jigglypuff got smashed into the ground.

_Falcon and DK  
Ragnier™  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Yes! Go taxi driver!" shouted DK, at the taxi driver passing Nana and Popo.  
"Pichu and Pichu we passed!" announced Falcon.  
"Kirby and Yoshi!" screamed DK.  
"Ness and Mewtwo!" shouted Falcon.  
"Only one more to pass, and, for the first time, we'll be first!" celebrated Falcon.  
"Oh… there'll be one short detour after this!" laughed the Koopa, taking off his mask, pulling over.

_Samus and Zelda  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"I'm sorry Samus," said the Koopa, taking off his mask. "But I'm going to have to kill you!"  
"Really, Roy?" asked Zelda, jabbing a knife into Roy's neck.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"What will that be?" asked Donkey Kong.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Samus and Zelda opened the door, and ran back to Falcon and Donkey Kong's taxi.

_Fox and Falco  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"HIYA! HIYA!"

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Well Falcon, you see after you hit me with your handbag…"

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Get out of the taxi, Falcon!" screamed Samus.

_Fox and Falco  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"HIYA! HIYA!"

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"…I really hated it, so we kind of set you all up, and we're trying to murder everyone, me, Marth."  
"Do you know who he is?" asked Falcon, whispering.

_Fox and Falco  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"HIYA! HIYA!"

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Get out, Donkey Kong!" said Samus.

_Fox and Falco  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"HIYA! HIYA!"

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Marth put two guns up at Donkey Kong and Falcon's necks.  
"Bye Falcon and Donkey Kong!" laughed Marth.

_Yoshi  
Very Hungry_  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi.

_Fox and Falco  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hey Falco, let's rob this crazy guy dressed as a Koopa!" said Falco.  
Fox threw a mallet at Marth.  
"Where are we going?" asked a very confused Donkey Kong.  
"The airport," replied Fox, taking control of the taxi.

_Samus and Zelda  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Samus, get in the car!" shouted Zelda.

_Kirby  
Not so very hungry  
_"I shouldn't have eaten the driver."

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Cokepsi™  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Yoshi?" asked Yoshi in an angry tone. _"Are you sure you can drive?"  
_Kirby had bundled together the 'Koopa pages', sat on them, and put auto-pilot on the car.  
"Yoshi!" screamed Yoshi. _"Watch out for that red light!"  
_Kirby turned auto off and then about 12 cars crashed into the back of them.  
"Look, it's the airport!" said Kirby. Kirby and Yoshi got out and walked into the airport.

_Fox and Falco  
Too weird to get any sponsors  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"What was all that about?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"Someone dressed up as a Koopa and then tried to kill you," replied Fox.  
"Oh, so that's why we were held up at gunpoint…" said Falcon, "It's starting to loop together now…"  
"You'd have to be someone really crazy, like Marth," replied Donkey Kong.  
_Samus and Zelda  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 4th Place  
_Samus gained control of the wheel, and started to steer. Suddenly, Mario and Luigi pulled up next to them, and then started ramming into Samus and Zelda's taxi.  
"Whoops, sorry…" laughed Mario.  
"Yeah, sorry…" laughed Luigi, steering into the girls' taxi.  
"How are we going to get rid of them?" asked Zelda.  
"Don't worry Samus, we'll get this sorted out, in a verbal, non-violent way…" replied Samus.

_Peach and Bowser  
Dountain Mew™  
Currently in 5th Place  
_Peach and Bowser overtook Samus and Zelda's taxi.  
"Oh, it's so nice to see Samus and Zelda, and Mario and Luigi playing so nicely!" cheered Peach.  
"DON'T…" shouted Samus, forcing a crowbar into the front window of Mario and Luigi's convertible.  
"RAM…" continued Samus, throwing a brick forcing Mario's cap off.  
"YOUR CAR…" continued Samus, lighting a stick of dynamite and throwing it into Mario's car.  
"INTO…" growled Samus, ramming the taxi into the other car.  
"OUR…" continued Samus, while hitting Luigi with a saucepan.  
"CAR!" shrieked Samus. Mario and Luigi's car blew up, and fell into a river right near the road.  
"You're a very good talker you know, Samus," complimented Zelda.  
"Thank you," said Samus.  
"May I try?" said Zelda.  
They swapped around in the middle of the highway.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Spite™  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Ooh," said Young Link. "I hear machine guns!"  
"Are you still drugged?" asked Ganondorf.  
"Why would you drug me, you attractive nice young kind man?" replied Young Link.  
"Yeah, why would I?" laughed Ganondorf nervously. "Oh, here's the airport!"  
Ganondorf forced the door open with a crowbar and they walked to the airport.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Cokepsi™  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"What's that?" asked Kirby, in a gift shop.  
"Yoshi hur Yoshi!" replied Yoshi. _"Oh, I'm so glad you're interested in this quantum physics book. Maybe this will draw our friendship closer!"  
_"It's a universal remote control!" shouted Kirby, pointing to the remote control near the quantum physics book.  
"Yoshi," cried a disappointed Yoshi. _"Oh darn."  
_"What does this do?" asked Kirby, pressing a button.  
A spaceship crash landed right in the centre of the shop, with lots of sirens going off and singers singing: "Badoop doop buh!"  
"Yeah…" said Kirby.  
Kirby and Yoshi boarded their 7:30 flight, and took off.  
"What does this button do?" asked Kirby, pressing a button. Suddenly, the airport started to rotate in random sequences and a thousand pigeons started to sing: "Badoop doop buh!"

_Link and Jigglypuff  
E Coli™  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"It looks like the airport is rotating in random sequences!" said Link.  
"Jig Ig Jig!" explained Jigglypuff _"I guess we'll have to walk into the sunset!"  
_"But Jigglypuff, its sunrise!" replied Link.  
"Jig Ig Jig!" replied Jigglypuff. _"I guess we'll have to settle with walking into the sunrise!"  
_  
Master Hand had a voiceover. "Kirby and Yoshi took off first with Koopa Air and they will be arriving in Shiver Star at 15:30, Shiver Star time!  
Peach and Bowser, Ganondorf and Young Link, Ness and Mewtwo, Samus and Zelda, Pichu and Pikachu, Falcon and DK and Nana and Popo are taking the 07:50 flight and will arrive at Shiver Star at 15:45, local time!  
Link and Jigglypuff are walking into the sunset, but we don't know when they'll get there!  
Fox and Falco will be getting their own transport, but their ship is quite unreliable! Once again, their next clue will be buried under 20 feet of snow on a marked area in Island Iceburg."

_Fox and Falco  
Too weird to get sponsors  
Currently in last place  
_Falco and Fox downed the methane/cabbage salad.  
They waited.  
"So…" said Falco, "Have you read any good movies lately?"  
"No," replied Fox. "Have you watched any good books lately?"  
"Yes," said Falco. "It was amazing. In the fi-"  
They took off.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
E Coli™  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"How does walking into the sunset help us get to Shiver Star?" asked Link.  
Jigglypuff pointed to the sky.  
"Yes, so- what the? This isn't the Mushroom Kingdom! This is Shiver Star!"  
Jigglypuff did a happy dance. Stupid coincidence wins again!  
"Look, there's the airport, Jigglypuff, and our clue is dug under one of these marked areas!" explained Link. "Come on, let's dig! I hope we will, and I'm… oops, we are going to find it! It would be stupid if we didn't find it first, Jigglypuff. Come on!"  
_"Look… Jigglypuff… I'm… stupid…"_ heard Jigglypuff.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Cokepsi™  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Look, there's Island Iceburg!" shouted Kirby. SUUUUUCK! Kirby ran over and then sucked about 20 feet of snow out, and took the clue.  
"Thanks Kirby," said a Cappy, who was buried deep under the snow. "You saved my life! My mother and father, my wi…" Kirby ate him, too.  
"Yoshi Yoshi shi?" _"Why did you eat him?"_  
Kirby looked at Yoshi and started drooling.  
"Yoshi." _"Never mind."_

_Fox and Falco  
Too weird to get any sponsors  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Jigglypuff, we're near the edge of the sea!" said Link to Jigglypuff.  
"Jig Ig!" shouted Jigglypuff, grabbing the clues.  
"I'll be taking that," said Fox, snatching the clue. "You see Link, all your 'we're near the edge of the sea stuff' isn't good for Jigglypuff. You see we are far more superior to you and we will be the people who push you around. You see, the next time you'll see us you'll be way off at the back, and probably will be eliminated. Bye!"  
_"Jigglypuff… push… us… off…"  
_"Jig!" shouted Jigglypuff. _"Okay!"_ Jigglypuff pushed Fox and Falco off the iceberg into the sea, but managed to catch the clue.  
"Thank goodness you stopped them!" said Link. "Let's go!"  
Captain Falcon and Donkey Kong stopped next to them. "Where do we dig?" asked C. Falcon.  
Jigglypuff, stopping to catch her breath, leaned on Captain Falcon for (physical) support.  
"What's that pushing my leg?" he asked.  
Jigglypuff accidentally rolled into Falcon, sending both of them falling off the iceberg.  
"Noooooo!" cried Donkey Kong, looking at his partner fall into the abyss (I finally have an excuse to use that word!).  
"No!" shouted Link, pulling out his patented hookshot and letting it rappel down the face of the iceburg.  
Just as Jigglypuff was about to hit the frozen sea, the hookshot snatched her back up again.  
"Quick!" yelled Donkey Kong to Link. "Use your pointy thingy to get Falcon off!"  
"Uh… Master Hand… you have stuff to say… right?" quickly asked Link.

"Um… the frozen sea that Falcon just got splattered on? I could talk about that for hours- oh, the show. Right! Er… the contestants have to go to Technicolour Mall, the mall with the lowest prices and the highest quality! …where they will find their next clue.  
"Technicolour Mall is renowned by designers galaxy-wide for being the building which most misuses cute kiddie pastel colours, closely beating the Death Death room in Neo Star, which is painted in pink and beige. The mall is popular with people interested in buying technological goods, hand-crafted goods, cute fuzzy toys, and dead pop idols. That's why everybody says:  
"_If you're after really cheap, fun goods  
Don't try to buy in the Whispy Woods,  
No, come to Technicolour Mall today,  
And shop in a happy joyful playful funny cute popular recommended liability-free way!_"

_Peach and Bowser  
Dountain Mew™  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Wow, thank you for that informative information Master Hand," said Peach, facing the camera.  
"Yeah, thank you sooo much," said Bowser.  
"I'm not going to help you cheat," said Master Hand.  
"Curses," said Peach, still smiling.  
"That speech was truly terrible," said Bowser.

_Nana and Popo  
Dr. Salt  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Hey Nana, I found this giant granite thing covered in seaweed," shouted Popo.  
"Well, we'll have to put it back where it came from… the SEA!" shouted Nana. Nana grabbed the granite object and threw it off the side.  
"I'm glad no two animals with their names starting with 'F' were down there," said Popo.  
"What about Falcon, he's an animal!" laughed Nana.

_Samus and Zelda  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"I don't have the heart to push Donkey Kong off," said Zelda.  
"Me too," replied Samus, boiling some salt water with her phaser and pouring it underneath Donkey Kong.

_Pichu and Pikachu  
Pepscike™  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Iika Pika Chu!" said Pikachu. _"Hey Pichu, don't dump that rubbish on the ice, dump it where it belongs…"  
_"Pi?" asked Pichu. _"The dump?"  
_"Pi Pika Chu!" replied Pikachu. _"No, the sea!"  
_  
_Falcon and DK  
Ragnier™  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Oh look!" pointed out Donkey Kong, "A lifeboat!"  
"Not that you're climbing on it," shouted Fox, helping Falco on, leaving Donkey Kong and Falcon to tread water until help came. Suddenly, 243 surgical needles simultaneously jabbed into Fox's arm. Suddenly, aliens abducted Donkey Kong and Falcon and dropped them off on the iceberg. Suddenly, Donkey Kong felt like singing: "Badoop doop buh!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Cokepsi™  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Kirby opened an envelope and looked in.  
"Detour!" shouted Kirby. "Buy or… sell? Those words don't rhyme. They have nothing to do with each other!"

"In Buy, teams must find their way around the mall and obtain a golden tennis racquet, and then obtain their next clue by going to the information desk. The task seems easy, but since the mall is so hard to navigate, the contestants will have to use all their wits, threats, and random dumb luck to find one.  
"In Sell, teams must head to the kiosk on the third floor to pick up twenty bottles of New Water Flavoured Cokepsi™! They then must head outside the mall and sell them for a profit of at least one hundred dollars! (For those of you who are bad at math, that's 100 minus 20: eighty dollars each.)"

"Let's do sell!" announced Kirby. Kirby pressed a button and then the kiosk from the third floor jumped into the centre of the ground floor. "That was convenient."

_Samus and Zelda  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Let's do sell!" said Zelda.  
"We won't even have to sell anything!" said Samus.  
"What do y…" asked Zelda.  
Samus walked up to a nearby shopper.  
"Hi shopper, would you like to donate me 100 dollars?" asked Samus, who was about thirteen times as tall as any Shiver Starian. "_Please?_"  
"No thank you," said a scared shopper.  
"OBEY THE PHASER!" screamed Samus. "Thank you, and thank you for shopping at Samus's."  
Samus and Zelda ran to the kiosk, gave 100 dollars to the owner and then ran out with the clue.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
E Coli™  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Jig?" asked Jigglypuff, standing in the casino section of the Gambling Awareness stall. _"Can I gamble?"  
_"Well Jigglypuff, gambling is the thing that leads to emotional and family breakdowns," explained Link.  
"Jig?" replied Jigglypuff. _"Just one try!"  
_"Okay."  
Jigglypuff put a quarter in, and then 30 quarters came out.  
"Jigglypuff, you won! But after that, you'll start losing!" explained Link.  
"That's right," said George, the non-gambler. "After a while you'd lose all the coins, so give me 29 coins, and I'll give you one."  
Jigglypuff ran off, got a gumball, and started blowing.  
"And Link, for being so responsible, I'm giving you this clue!"  
"Thanks, George!" shouted Link.  
Jigglypuff kept on blowing.  
"I'll take that!" said Fox, snatching the clue.  
Jigglypuff kept on blowing.  
"You see, you are so darn annoying, I mean, why did you choose Jigglypuff? I spit in your face! You're like the gum she's blowing, easy to pop! I laugh into your face. Falco and I will be going now. I mean… you suck!"  
_"Jigglypuff… spit… the gum… into… me…"  
_Jig! Jigglypuff spat the gum into Fox's face and then Fox flew up into the ceiling with the large gum pushing him up.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Spite™  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Buy or sell?" asked Ganondorf.  
"I like… words… connecting words… she like…" replied Young Link.

_Peach and Bowser  
Dountain Mew™  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Cokepsi? Who wants Cokepsi?" asked Bowser.  
"Donkey Kong and Falcon, would, you like, some Cokepsi, water?" asked Peach ungrammatically.  
"Oh, definitely," replied Falcon, taking all 20 bottles.  
"Wait, aren't we supposed to sell them, not buy them?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"GRR!" screamed Falcon.

_Pichu and Pikachu  
Pepscike™  
Currently in 8th Place  
_"Pi Pichu?" asked Pichu to a shopper. _"Do you want some Cokepsi?"  
_"Yes, I'll adopt you," replied a big blue bird, giving 100 dollars to Pikachu and taking Pichu away.  
Pichu looked nervously and then zapped the big blue bird.  
"You hurt the king!" announced a shopper.  
"Yay!" cried another shopper.  
"For that, I'll give you a clue," said a guy nearby.

_Samus and Zelda  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Yeah, the next clue!" shouted Zelda.  
"Head to the factory," read Samus.

"The Shiver Star factory," said Master Hand, master of the hands, "is the largest factory in the entire solar system, and is renowned for quality products such as Waddle-Dee-In-A-Box, Small-Packaged-Henchcreature, Waddle-Dees-In-Several-Boxes, and randomly dropping spikes, cog wheels, weights, balconies, and Waddle-Dee-In-A-Boxes.  
"Contestants will have to create five Waddle-Dee-In-A-Boxes, which is harder than it looks, as Waddle Dees are notoriously easy to implode, combust, or occasionally disappear. How do the factory workers do it, you ask? They don't! Giant high-precision robots locate Waddle Dees and ask them to walk into open boxes."

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Cokepsi™  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hi little Waddle Dee…" said Kirby, leaning down to a Waddle Dee waving its arms very really very fast. "Would you like some **New Cokepsi™ Water Flavour**?"  
The Waddle Dee blew up, sending money flying everywhere.  
"Good enough," said Kirby. "Yoshi, you get the clue inside the mall, while I dri- _guard_ the Water Cokepsi™."

_Link and Jigglypuff  
E Coli™  
Currently in 3rd place  
_"Okay!" said Link. "Where's the factory?"  
Jigglypuff shrugged. She was too busy admiring the big factory and all the signs pointing to the factory and all the factory robots factoring in the necessary factor to factorize the defactored fractical factorical factory to worry about Link and his silly old "factory".  
Link shifted his gaze by about 0.5 degrees and 30 minutes and immediately noticed the factory.  
"Let's go!" he said.  
_No!_ thought Jigglypuff. _Jiggypuff wants to walk into the sunset! Which is in the general direction of the factory!_

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Spite™  
Currently in 4th place  
_"LISTEN YE ALL!" commanded Ganondorf through a megaphone he had bought in the golden tennis racquet-selling shoe shop. "I COMMAND YOU ALL TO TELL ME WHERE THE GOLDEN TENNIS RACQUET CAN BE PURCHASED, OR YOU ALL SHALL FACE A PAINFUL DEATH BY NEW AGE MUSIC!"  
Everyone remained silent.  
"I don't believe this," said Ganondorf. "If only Young Link hadn't gone and drugged himself. Or did I drug him?"  
"You drugged me…" said Young Link, waking up from his drug-induced trance at a coincidental moment.  
"Young Link!" said Ganondorf. "I know that we're supposed to be enemies and everything, but we have to **work together**. You hear me?"  
"Yep," said Young Link, testing out the earmuffs.  
"Okay, then. I need you to help me find the golden tennis racquet."  
"Worry about your conquests later. Let's finish the race!"  
"You **mrtl fool!** This IS what we need to get through to the final leg!"  
"Oh," said Young Link.  
"I've tried megaphoning crowds, I've tried killing random people, I even tried using the map to find the right shop! Do you have any ideas?"  
"Hmm…" said Young Link, stroking his beard.

_Nana and Popo  
Dr. Salt™  
Currently in 5th place  
_Nana and Popo abseiled up the walls of the Shiver Star Mall, crawled into the air ducts, and landed in the shop. They grabbed the bounty, and did an amazing dive out of the window, landing gently in the snow.  
"That was too easy," said Popo.  
"We were supposed to get a golden _tennis racquet,_ not a golden ice cream, you idiot!" said Nana.  
"See? There's always a catch."  
Nana and Popo abseiled up the walls of the Shiver Star Mall, crawled into the air ducts, and landed in the shop. They grabbed their target, and did an amazing dive out of the window, landing gently in the snow.  
"We got it!" said Nana.  
"That's a home run bat."  
While Popo went flying through the air, Nana abseiled up the walls of the Shiver Star Mall, crawled into the air ducts, and landed in the shop. She grabbed the golden tennis racquet, and did an amazing dive out of the window, landing gently in the snow.  
"Let's go, Popo," said Nana.  
"Popo?" said Nana.

_Peach and Bowser  
Dountain Mew™  
Currently in 6th place  
_Peach was sitting in a leather chair, talking to the camera. "Well, when Bowser dropped the Bob-Omb in the parking lot, I thought he was joking. I was like, 'Hey, Bowser, what are you going to do now? Hit it?' I didn't realise that he was open to suggestions. It was all his fault. I never did anything. He was the one who thought it would help us find the racquet!"  
"Peach!" called Bowser. "I've found the racquet!"  
"Got to go," said Peach, hastily doing her two-minute complex ballet curtsey.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Boral C™  
Currently in P(n+18/18-ab/ba)th place  
_"Isn't it cheating when you read the organizer's mind to find out where the pit stop is?" said Ness.  
"_Why would you care?_" thought Mewtwo.  
"You're too stupid to know about caring," said Ness. "I bet your IQ is barely over the square of 19."  
"_I'll take that as a compliment,_" said Mewtwo warningly. "_Not that you'd know anything about IQ's, mister three-hundred-and-sixteen._"  
"Hey!" said Ness. "You know that's untrue. And I still beat those two weirdo kids."  
"_Wait. If 316 314, x : x 314, x stuff?_" wondered Mewtwo.  
"n – 78 shuttheheckup – b," replied Ness.  
Jigglypuff went running past them, dragging Link along.  
"Ouch," said Ness.  
"_Hey! The cameraman's still there. I thought we lost them!_"  
"PK… er… what was that word for visible heat?"  
"_Fire._"  
"PK Fire!"  
"Nooo!" screamed the cameraman.  
Static.  
White noise.  
Static.  
And other such inferior brands.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Spite™  
Currently in 6th place  
_"Pardon me, mister," said Young Link innocently.  
The person sleeping on the Information Desk woke up. "Yes?"  
"Well…" Young Link started to cry. "My parents were… taken away… by a storm… no, evil wizard… evil wizard storm… and the only way to free them… is to find… the…" he broke into tears. "THE GO- GO- golden tennis racquet…" he finished anticlimactically.  
"Oh, you poor child," said the guy. "I'll tell you, but **only because** you're not Ganondorf. It's in the shoe shop."  
"Where's that?"  
"You're standing in it."  
"Where in the shoe shop?"  
"In the non-metal non-sporting goods section," replied the guy, dozing off again.  
"Where?"  
"Right here," said the guy.  
"What aisle?"  
"The educational shoes aisle."  
"Where?"  
"You're standing right in the middle of it."  
"And where's the racquet?"  
"You're standing on it."  
"Right!" said Young Link, grabbing the racquet and running off with it.  
The helper pulled off the mask, revealing himself to be – Marth! "Ha!" he said. "Now those two will neve… did I just tell him where it is?"

_Falcon and DK  
Ragnier™  
Currently in 7th place  
_Falcon, Donkey Kong, Pichu and Pikachu ran to the information counter in the middle of the shoe store only to find Marth and Roy hitting themselves in the head with golden tennis racquets.  
"Can we have these?" asked Captain Falcon.  
"Sure," said Marth. Roy handed one to DK and one to Pichu. "Good luck!"  
The four contestants ran off.  
Marth and Roy looked at each other.  
They both started crying.

_Fox and Falco  
Foxandfalco™  
No, not really.  
Currently in 9th place  
_"Let's blow this joint," said Falco as he finally managed to pull Fox free from the gum.  
"I'd better use this conveniently placed golden tennis racquet to knock out these incoming gunners!" said Fox.  
He did.  
"Now," said Falco. "Let's find that racquet, quick!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Cokepsi™  
_"Come on," came Zelda's voice from just around the corridor. "How hard can this be?"  
Kirby and Yoshi raced into the Waddle-Dee-In-A-Box Manual Labour Room.  
"You know the plan!" said Kirby.  
"Yosh oshi Yoshi!" said Yoshi. He ran over to a conveyor belt and placed five open boxes on the ground, then herded a few Waddle Dees over.  
The Waddle Dees looked at the expression on Kirby's face and ran to the boxes.  
Kirby inhaled them.  
"Yosh Yoshi Yoshi!" _"No, no, no! You're supposed to **let** them get into the boxes!"  
_"Ooooh," said Kirby. "I see."  
Kirby jumped into a crate full of Waddle Dees. A few flew out and ran into the boxes.  
Kirby and Yoshi grabbed the boxes and ran to the inspector (a Waddle Dee) and gave it the boxes. They got the clue and ran out.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
E Coli™  
Currently in 3rd place_  
They raced into the factory and started shoving Waddle Dees into boxes.  
Each time Link tried, the Waddle Dee waved its arms and vanished in a puff of smoke.  
Each time Jigglypuff tried, the Waddle Dee ran out of the box again.

_Samus and Zelda  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 2nd place  
_"I ORDER YOU TO GO INTO THE BOXES AND STAY THERE!" yelled Samus.  
"May I have a turn?" asked Zelda.  
"Anything for royalty," joked Samus.  
"I, PRINCESS ZELDA, HEREBY COMMAND YOU TO DO WHAT SHE SAID!" yelled Zelda.  
Samus whispered something to Zelda. "That just might work," said Zelda.  
She tried again: "I CALL YOU TO GO FORTHWITH AND DO WHAT I JUST TOLD YOU TO! Please?"  
The Waddle Dees sorted the boxes into even rows and jumped in.  
"Wow!" said Zelda. "How did you know it would work?"  
"I didn't tell you to be polite. I told you to use that Link whip you carry around with you."  
"Then who told me?" wondered Zelda.  
Its work done, the floating air particle sneaked away.

Fox and Falco ran into the gift shop of the factory, grabbed a handful of Waddle-Dee-in-a-Boxes, and ran to the work room where they presented it to the supervisor.  
"We did it!" said Fox, ripping the clue open. "Go to Red Poppy Hotel."

"Red Poppy Hotel," said Master Hand, "is a hotel run by the red Poppy Brothers. They… er… yeah. Contestants will be given keys to two rooms. One room has a tough deadlock on it, and one does not. The one with the deadlock is the pitstop. Er… buy stuff.  
"Is the camera off?"

_Samus and Zelda  
Baco Tell™  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Samus and Zelda exited their taxi, ran into an elevator, and then waited.  
DING! Samus and Zelda ran out, and ran out to the door, labelled, "A Smashy Amazing Race!"  
Zelda read a long piece of instructions.  
"How to operate the Waddle Lock™

Materials needed:  
Hammer  
Screwdriver  
Key  
Flamethrower  
And a Waddle Dee

Instructions:  
Get hammer  
Hit Waddle Dee with hammer  
Get Key  
Grind Key into Waddle Dee's eye  
Get screwdriver  
Say loud words and threaten Waddle Dee with screwdriver  
Get flamethrower  
Ask Waddle Dee to open door  
If Waddle Dee can't open door, ram door with Waddle Dee  
That should work

© Waddle Lock 2004, 'The Waddle Dee friendly lock'"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Kirby and Yoshi ran out of the elevator and looked at the door.  
Kirby asked "What do-"  
"I'll be taking that!" said Falco menacingly. "You see, you and Yoshi and Jigglypuff and Link are the ones I push around. Me, and of course, Fox will go out with a million dollars. Of all of the people, we are the strongest and we window-"  
_"Jigglypuff, push… me… out… of the… window…"  
_Jigglypuff pushed Fox and Falco out of the window.  
"What does this button do?" asked Kirby. Suddenly, all the contestants appeared in the same hallway and got hit by hammers and screwdrivers and flamethrowers and Waddle Dees. Yeah.

Kirby and Yoshi won a holiday to Dreamland and Yoshi's Island.

-(8-(8-(8-(8-(8-(8(8(8(8(8(8 

Finish times:

18:02- Kirby and Yoshi  
18:09- Samus and Zelda  
18:14- Ness and Mewtwo  
18:16- Jigglypuff and Link  
18:19- Nana and Popo  
18:23- Peach and Bowser  
18:23- Young Link and Ganondorf **_(read tikitikirevenge's stuff)_**  
18:25- Pichu and Pikachu  
18:26- Falcon and DK  
**18:30- Fox and Falco- ELMINATED**

That is all. 


	4. Leg Four: Dream Land

A Smashy Amazing Race  
Leg Four  
Thanks to tikitikirevenge

"Last time, on a Smashy Amazing Race: Teams visited Shiver Star! Fox and Falco started of early at the front, but facing a lot of obstacles, became eliminated.  
"Will front runners Kirby and Yoshi, and Samus and Zelda stay in the top, or drop out?  
"And will Falcon and Donkey Kong recover from coming 2nd last three times in a row?  
"And will the race be affected by those eliminated before? Well… Watch. Or read. Whatever."

**Teams:  
**Peach and Bowser (Pop)  
Nana and Popo (R & B)  
Pichu and Pikachu (Techno)  
Link and Jigglypuff (Blues)  
Kirby and Yoshi (Rock)  
Ganondorf and Young Link (Easy listening)  
Ness and Mewtwo (Hard Rock)  
Zelda and Samus (Heavy Metal)  
Falcon and DK (Dandruff?)

**LEG FOUR**

"Kirby and Yoshi arrived at 6:02 PM; they will depart at 6:02 AM."

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"You must make your way to Shiver Star Airport, and book a flight to Dream Land, Pop Star!" read Kirby.  
"You will find your next clue outside the airport, but before you depart, you must both eat a piece of Waddle Dee pork."  
Kirby sucked up the piece of pork, but all the gravy spilt over his lips.  
"Hur Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"I know a non-messy way to eat Waddle pork!"  
_"What could it be?" asked Kirby in a fake tone smiling at the camera.  
"Yoshi!" _"The Spork! It's not a spoon, it's not a fork, it's a spork! Eating will never be not negatively not fun again!"  
_Yoshi ate up his pork and ran off with Kirby.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"I'm not eating Waddle Dee," said Samus.  
"Neither am… MMRGH!" shouted Zelda, trying to resist the colourful packaging.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Will you eat that pork?" asked Mewtwo.  
"I (Arnet's™) don't (Celingmart™) know, but there are no (Cladbury™) subliminal (Gelette™) messages in my (Fat Sucker™) words! (Spork™)" replied Ness.

_Jigglypuff and Link  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Ig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"What would make eating pork more fun?"_  
"The Automatic Spork™! It runs with a motor so it might screw up your gums!" explained Link.  
"Ig Jig!" _"Well I've got a fun-sized spork! Extra small, extra sting!"  
_Jigglypuff stabbed Link.  
"Ow! Heh heh heh heh heh heh! Ow! Heh heh heh heh heh heh!" screamed Link.

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"I know what I'll do! I read past the script of the show, and apparently I poisoned everyone!" said Ganondorf, chewing on Waddle Dee skin.  
"Oh, cool! Do you know who won?" asked Young Link.  
Then suddenly, Sonic from the Sonic™ category used his super speed combined with super 1337ness to stop Young Link from talking.

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Super spork!" said Popo, eating up the spork.  
"Yeah, I think spork™ is so cool!" replied Nana, although it didn't seem to be coming from Nana, and it was a deep, male voice, and it appeared to be coming out of the corner of the spokesperson for Spork's™ mouth.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"I am not eating pork!" said Peach.  
"Neither am I!" replied Bowser.  
"I know what we can do…" said Peach.  
"What?" asked Bowser.  
"Dump it in the poor people's houses!" said both of them at the same time.

_Pichu and Pikachu  
Currently in 8th Place  
_"Ii Chu!" said Pichu._  
_ Falcon and Donkey Kong came out.  
"Chu!" replied Pikachu, forcing the hedgehog spikes into Falcon's mouth, and ran off.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
On 1st Dream Air Flight  
_"Hello scared little Cappy!" said Kirby. "We'd like to book tickets to Dreamland!"  
"Here are your tickets!" whimpered the Cappy nervously.  
"There's no need to be scared!" said Kirby, patting the Cappy on the head.  
The Cappy blew up.  
"Yes, I think spork™ is so cool!" said Yoshi, coming from a high-pitched female voice.

In the spork™ Spy Cam HQ™…  
"Why did you give Yoshi a high-pitched female voice?" asked the manager of Spork™.  
"Because I've got a shotgun," replied his assistant.  
"Ingenious."

"What's that there?" asked Kirby.  
"Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"You mean that IQ meter? Oh, I'm so glad you sh…"  
_"Stupid-o-meter!" shouted Kirby.  
"Yoshi!" scolded Yoshi. _"Yes, spend all our travel money on shoddy gifts!"  
_"It has all the levels of stupidness! Fairly Stupid, Quite Stupid, Stupid, Very Stupid, and Gwenyth Paltrow stupid!" explained Kirby.  
"Yoshi? Yo Yoshi!" _"Gwenyth Paltrow? Wow, we must buy that!"_

Ness and Mewtwo  
On 1st Dream Air flight  
"Okay, thank you!" cheered Mewtwo to a worker in the airport.  
"Yes, Dountain Mew™, thank you!"

_Nana and Popo  
R & B  
_"Hi, we'd like to book a flight to Dream Land on Dream Air!" said Popo, to a cashier.  
The cashier typed on her computer, and then looked at Popo.  
"We're all booked out!" said the cashier. "Popo…"

_Samus and Zelda  
_Samus ran up to the counter of Dream Air, and then asked the same cashier for tickets.  
"Nope, sorry, we're all booked out!" said the cashier. "Samus…"  
Falcon and Donkey Kong ran up, and pushed Samus and Zelda away. Falcon looked at the cashier.  
"Well, if it isn't Mr. So Ever So Straight? Well, we're booked out." asked Roy, I mean, uh… the cashier guy. Yeah, the cashier guy. Really. Please?  
"No we're not!" exclaimed the worker that gave Kirby and Yoshi tickets.  
Roy got out his gun, and shot the other worker, and then pointed a gun at Falcon.  
"You'll die now Donkey Kong! You'll die now Falcon! Look at Roy! Look, look, see Roy! See Roy hold gun up at Donkey Kong! See Roy hold up gun at Falcon! See Roy load bullets into gun! See…"

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Blues  
_"Jigglypuff, you know it's not safe to smoke!" said Link to Jigglypuff.  
"No!" replied Jigglypuff in a deep voice. "I should smoke!"  
"You can talk?" asked Link.  
"I can talk?" asked Jigglypuff  
"You can talk!"  
"I can talk?"  
"You can talk!"

(introduction melody)

**Link: **You can talk,  
**Jiggly: **I can talk!  
Though my voice is made by Spork™,  
I can walk around happily!  
**Link: **You can walk?  
**Jiggly:**I can walk,  
I can trot around and talk,  
When I sing to a melody,  
**Link:**Even though you do,  
Have a deep voice my friend,  
You can sing,  
Very well,  
**Jiggly:**Well I now,  
Can drive,  
A big yellow car,  
That is powered by Shell™!  
**Link:**You can talk,  
**Jiggly:**I can talk!  
**Link: **Something, something, something balk,  
And something in a hotel lobby,  
**Jiggly:**I can walk,  
I can talk,  
I can really walk and talk,  
Do not cut down, (Link: Tr, Tr, Tr, Tr…)  
**Link:**Do not cut down, (Jiggly: Tr, Tr, Tr, Tr…)  
**Jiggly:**Do not cut down, (Link: Tr, Tr, Tr, Tr…)  
**Link:**Do not cut down, (Jiggly: Tr, Tr, Tr, Tr…)  
**Jiggly:**Do not cut down, (Link: Tr, Tr, Tr, Tr…)  
**Link:**Do not cut down, (Jiggly: Tr, Tr, Tr, Tr…)  
**Jiggly:**G…S…T!**  
**  
(musical ending)

"What were we talking about again?" asked Link.  
"Jig?" asked Jigglypuff, accidentally pressing a button and hurting Roy with 10,000 tonnes of metal.

"Uh… Yeah," said Master Hand. "Ness and Mewtwo, Kirby and Yoshi and Peach and Bowser are on the first flight on Dream Air, and will arrive at 7.00 AM, Dream Land time! Samus and Zelda, Jigglypuff and Link, Ganondorf and Young Link and Nana and Popo are on the second flight, which arrives at 7:20 local time! Falcon and Donkey Kong, and Pichu and Pikachu are on the last flight on Shiver Air, which arrives at 7:30."

_Kirby and Yoshi  
_"Let's turn this stupid-o-meter on!" said Kirby.  
The plane started to spiral straight down.  
"Uh-oh?" asked Yoshi.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Peach stepped out of the plane, brushing her hair behind her ears.  
"How cramming was that flight Bowser?" asked Peach. "I feel sorry for that big, ugly jerk next to me which I threw up on, and then I dropped all the jelly from my tray into his mouth, and then force fed him my fork, and then I forced my tray table into his left eyeball! I kind of feel sorry for him."  
"I wonder who that guy was?" asked Bowser, trying to clean himself with a tiny wet cloth. "Hey, here's the clue!"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Ness!" shouted Mewtwo. "Hurry up! I have the clue!"  
Inside the bathroom, Ness frantically applied soap. "Princess filth – I must – be – clean!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Yoshi!" said Yoshi, wiping the princess bile off his eyes.  
"I don't like food anymore!" said Kirby.

"Teams must now walk across Dream Lake village to Dream Lake. When they reach the lake, each team must draw a number, but only one number from a covered box with only a hole on top. Once three teams have the same number, they must paddle 30,000 Waddle metres across the lake to reach their next clue, which is in Central Dream Land. The numbers will still be important in the next task," said Master Hand.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"According to this conveniently placed travel book, if you see a Waddle Dee 20 times bigger than a normal one with a zipper and a tag, it is usually an enemy trying to kidnap you!" said Peach.  
"What are the odds of that happening?" asked Bowser, accidentally nudging a suspiciously oversized Koopa.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Go!" shouted Zelda.  
"I can't!" replied Samus, "It's too heavy!"  
"Well if that's a problem," replied Zelda in a deep announcer voice, "Then you can make life easier with the new Spork™ luggage wheeler! It can hold up to 10 bags, and has kick-in, kick-out wheels!"  
"-Note," said Samus in a fast presenter voice, "Do not use, operate, or own a Spork™ luggage wheeler at any costs, and stay out of a 50km radius of one in case of spontaneous combustion."

_Jigglypuff and Link  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Jig!" shouted Jigglypuff. _"Don't you just love the atmosphere here?"  
_"No," replied Link.  
"Jig…" _"Oh, that's good, because I think this place is a dump."  
_"Well, actually I like this place!"  
"Jig!" _"Oh, well, then you're a fool."  
_Jigglypuff and Link stared blankly at the camera.  
"Speeeyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooork!" replied Link in a deep voice.

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Okay, so you've got that?" asked Ganondorf.  
"Yep, we poison the other teams so we can win the next task with these delicious scrumptious muffins and…"  
"Scrumptious? Wait, doesn't that mean that you…"  
Plop! Young Link fell down onto a conveniently placed **EXCLUSIVE SPORK TROLLEY™!  
**"Oh, I understand!" replied Ganondorf, pushing the **EXCLUSIVE SPORK TROLLEY™!**

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Let's go!" shouted Popo.  
"But Peach pu…" said Nana.  
"But Peach was on another plane, unless…"  
Popo looked shocked at Nana.

_Pichu and Pikachu  
Currently in 8th Place  
_Pichu rushed out of the plane, dragging along Pikachu scrambling around a lot of passengers, and jumping over Waddle Dees.  
"Ii Pichu!" said Pichu. _"The only way we can stay in is if we can trick Falcon and Donkey Kong!"  
_"Ii Ii Pichu Piika Pika Ika Pika IIka ik Ichu!" said Pikachu. _"Quickly, let's make a pretend Road Block!"  
_Pichu and Pikachu ran in to PoPoPo™ Hardware and bought a box full of tools and wood. They rushed outside of the very small terminal, got their next clue, and then built a small wooden house in 4 seconds, like in the cartoons. Pichu scribbled down on a piece of paper and then built a letterbox, put the piece of paper in then ran in.  
"Pika!" said Pikachu. _"I sure hope they fell for it."  
_

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place  
_Falcon and DK skipped out of the Plane, crossing arms, whistling and humming.  
"What's that, Donkey Kong?" asked Falcon.  
"Hmm… I wonder what that is?" replied DK.  
"It's a letterbox!"  
"And you put letters in letterboxes!"  
"You also put clues in letterboxes!"  
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" said Falcon and Donkey Kong at the same time.  
"Well…" said Falcon,  
"Piika!" screamed Pikachu. _"Just open the clue!"  
_"Stand inside this house, until it collapses, or until someone blows up," read Donkey Kong.  
"Sounds good to me!" said Falcon, opening the door.  
The house collapsed on Pikachu and Pichu.  
"Oh well!"  
Falcon and Donkey Kong crossed arms and skipped over to the real cluebox.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Grab a number!" shouted Bowser.  
"But my hair isn't smooth and silky enough and there's excessive dandruff and…" replied Peach.  
Bowser forced Peach's head into the letterbox, and Peach grabbed a number with her teeth.  
"2!" shouted Peach. "Now let's sit on that boat, until a plane comes over and drops a shampoo product down on me!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Quick, grab a number!" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi!" replied Yoshi. _"But my hair isn't…"  
_"You don't have hair, Yoshi, you don't have hair!" replied Kirby.  
"Yoshi…" _"Oh…"  
_"3!" said Kirby, grabbing a number.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Hello Kirby! What number have you got?" asked Ness.  
"Haha, my Stupid-o-meter says that you're Quite Stupid!" said Kirby.  
"Wow," said Mewtwo. "That's Unfuntastic™!"  
Ness drew a number.  
"3!" shouted Mewtwo.  
"And I think Spork™ is legend!" said Ness, in a female voice.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Come on, get a number!" said Zelda.  
"Okay!" said Samus. Samus picked up a number.  
"3!"

"Kirby and Yoshi, Ness and Mewtwo, and Samus and Zelda can now paddle across Waddle Lake to maintown Dream Land!" said Master Hand.

_Team 3  
Kirby and Yoshi  
Ness and Mewtwo  
Samus and Zelda  
_"Do you have to get on with us?" asked Kirby.  
"Uh… Yes!" said a giant oversized Waddle Dee.  
"Aren't Waddle Dees supposed to Waddle?" asked Zelda.  
"Yes, um… Waddle… Waddle!"  
"But why are you oversized?" asked Ness.  
"Because I am the great Falco and I need to hack the blood out of all of you, and kill you all and decapitate everyone on this boat, so there's nobody left to win a million dollars and the eliminated people get the money by default! I mean… uh… I'm a big Waddle Dee!" said Falco, uh… the Waddle Dee.  
"But the biggest Waddle Dee was one foot, who was 1 ½ times the size of Kirby!" said Mewtwo.  
"Well, I have a condition!" said Falco.  
"Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"A condition that gives you a zipper?"  
_"Well yes! Paddle on!" said the Waddle Dee.  
Everybody paddled.

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Go!" shouted Ganondorf, weaving his way past Link and narrowly missing stepping on Jigglypuff.  
"Draw a number!" shouted Young Link.  
Ganondorf grabbed a number, but didn't look at it.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 6th Place  
_Jigglypuff and Link ran down to the lake, and looked at Ganondorf.  
"Jigglypuff, do you want a muffin?" asked Ganondorf.  
"Jig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Should I, Link?"  
_"Well, Ganondorf hasn't properly prepared the muffins, his hands are dirty, and he hasn't taken out the syringes! This is not a properly prepared treat, Jigglypuff!" said Link.  
"That's right," said Mr. Paa, the spokesman for AFPAA (anti-food poisoning associating of America). "If you get served a meal by someone who hasn't properly prepared, you'll be in a for a digestive system surprise! By the way, that's not good."  
Link grabbed a number.  
"Jig?" whispered Jigglypuff. _"What is it?"  
_"Number two."  
Jigglypuff and Link sneaked over to Peach and Bowser's boat, marked with the number two.

_Nana and Popo  
R & B  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Go go go go go!" shouted Popo.  
"How does that help us?" asked Nana.  
"Well, it just looks like we're rushing!" replied Popo, angrily, stopping near Ganondorf and Young Link.  
"Do you want a muffin?" asked Ganondorf.  
"No way, creep!" said Nana.  
Popo said, "I'd like…"  
Nana dragged Popo off near the letterbox.  
"They have syringes in them!" said Nana.  
"Oh, but I thought they were flu shots," replied Popo.  
"No, they're chicken pox shots, and we know we don't want them!"  
Popo put his hand into the letterbox, and took a number.  
"Two!" shouted Nana, running into the number two boat.

_Team 2  
Peach and Bowser  
Link and Jigglypuff  
Nana and Popo  
_Jigglypuff turned on her wireless stereo, and played some 80's tunes, while everyone else was paddling. But they didn't notice something. What didn't they notice? Find out… **next time**!  
**  
**_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 8th Place  
_"Want a muffin?" asked Ganondorf.  
"Sure!" said Falcon and DK at the same time.  
"Hey, that was funny," said Falcon and Donkey Kong at the exact same time. "Why are we still saying the same thing at the same time as each other?"  
Falcon and Donkey Kong looked at each other.  
"I wear thongs at night and if I'm alone in my room I'll put on women's clothing, and I have a crush on Link because I think he's cute and I also like Zelda!" said Falcon and Donkey Kong at the same time really fast.  
"Well, I'll just be eating a muffin, AAGH! FOOD POISONING!"  
Falcon and Donkey Kong passed out at the same time.

_Pichu and Pikachu  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Pichu!" shouted Pichu. _"Run!"  
_Pichu and Pikachu stopped at Ganondorf, took two muffins and then passed out.  
"Now, since they've passed out, I'll have to draw numbers for them!" said Ganondorf menacingly. "I've got a one… Pichu and Pikachu have a one… and Falcon and Donkey Kong have a one! HAHAHAHA! My evil plan has worked!"  
Young Link woke up. "Wait, doesn't that mean that you'll have to paddle for all of us?"  
"Shut up!" said Ganondorf, hitting Young Link with a spade.

_Team 3- 1st Place  
_"Up, pull! Up, pull! Up, pull!" chanted the three couples.  
Falco got out a knife and lifted it up, pointing at Yoshi.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi, puffed. _"I guess I'll put my paddle behind me because I'm tired."  
_Falco fell off, struggled out of the costume and then flew away.  
"Bye Falco!" said Samus.  
"How did you know it was Falco?" asked Samus.  
"Well, the author gave subtle hints throughout our paragraphs, and I kind of guessed!" said Samus.  
_  
Team 2- 2nd Place  
_They didn't notice that they were in a blue boat! But then, they realised something. What did they realise? Find out **NEXT TIME!**

_Team 1- Last Place  
_"How did I possibly do this? Everyone's asleep and my plan backfired!" said Ganondorf.  
"Bu…" said Young Link.  
Ganondorf hit Young Link with a paddle.

_Team 3- Arrived  
_Kirby and Yoshi jumped out of the boat and ran to the clue box.  
"Road Block!" said Kirby. "Who's ready for a Waddle of fun?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand. "A Road Block is a task that only one team member per couple can perform.  
"In this Road Block, teams must walk to Nago's Tavern in Dreamland, where they will play a game of Waddle Bowling, bowling with a Waddle Dee.  
"Pins are lined up in one straight line horizontally. Teams can only knock down pins with their number on it. If teams knock down pins not with their number, their turn is over. If that doesn't happen then you keep on going, even if you don't hit anything. Once you knock down all your pins in one game, you receive your next clue.  
"If there are people waiting behind you, after your turn, you must go to the back of the line!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Waddle Bowling?" asked Yoshi.  
"I'm great at that!" said Kirby. "It's so nice to be home! It's so nice doing tasks that I would do in my everyday life. I mean, the culture here is so simple, yet amazing, it's nice to be home again. I want to stay here forever."  
Kirby and Yoshi walked past Kirby's hut, and then walked into Nago's Tavern.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Waddle Bowling?" asked Zelda.  
"I suck at that!" said Samus. "It's so awful being here. Why do we have to do tasks that only losers would do? The culture here is so disgusting, yet even more disgusting. Remind me to never go here again."

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Waddle Bowling?" asked Ness.  
"I refuse to be associated with this joke," said Mewtwo.

_Kirby  
Correct pins: 0  
_"How are you Nago?" asked Kirby.  
"I'm f…"  
"Go hit pin one, or you're stew!" screamed Kirby.  
Kirby rolled the Waddle Dee down the lane aggressively, hitting a '3' pin. The Waddle Dee walked back through the gutter.  
"It's so nice to be back here. It would be nice the next time I come back here I'd have the big money!" said Kirby. "What would you do with it?"  
"I'd uh…"  
"Hit the one pin or I'll boil you and eat your guts!" shrieked Kirby, bowling the Waddle Dee into the correct pin.  
_Correct pins: 2  
_"It feels so foreign being back here!" said Kirby.  
"I know what…"  
"GET MOVING WADDLE DEE!" screamed Kirby.  
Kirby bowled the Waddle Dee, and struck the last '3' pin.  
"Here's your clue, Kirby!" said Nago, Kirby's cat friend.  
"Well, I'd love to stay and talk but I need to eat you."  
Nago ran down the bowling lane and crashed into all of the pins and hid there.

"Teams must now walk 200 Waddle Metres to Rick's grocery store, where outside is the next clue."

_Zelda  
Correct pins: 0  
_Zelda pushed a Waddle Dee down the lane, and hit a '2' pin.  
"Darn," shouted Zelda.  
Zelda rolled a Waddle Dee down the lane again, and hit all nine pins.  
"Darn!" shouted Zelda.  
Zelda tried again and missed.  
"DARN!" shouted Zelda, angrily because she was typing in capital letters.  
Zelda tried again and hit a '1' pin and a '2' pin.  
"**DARN!**"shouted Zelda, who was typing in all Caps and Bold.  
Zelda tried again and hit a '1' pin and a '3' pin.  
"**DARN!**" shouted Zelda, who was now underlining her bold and caps darn.  
"My turn!" said Mewtwo, shoving Zelda out of the way.  
_Mewtwo  
Correct pins: 0  
_"Darn," shouted Mewtwo.

_Team 2  
_They realised that they didn't have to paddle anymore! Nana and Popo climbed out, pushed the boat back into the lake, and ran to the cluebox.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"It's a Yield!"  
_"Let's not Yield anyone!" said Kirby.  
Yoshi grabbed an envelope and they both opened it.  
"Detour!" said Kirby.

"Detour!" said Master Hand. "In detours, teams can choose between two tasks each with its own pros and cons.  
"In this detour, teams must choose between Yobble and Gobble.  
"In Yobble, (what the heck does that mean?) Teams must go to 'Rick's grocery store', and translate a local Dream Lander picture book, which is 50 words using a dictionary. It may look hard, but with some language skills, teams can get the task done quickly.  
In Gobble, each member of every team must gobble down 20 chilli coated Apples from Whispy woods each. If you are used to chilli, or have no tongue, this task may be very easy."

"Gobble!" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"Are you sure you want to eat chilli coated apples?"  
_"Well that's why we joined 'A Smashy Amazing Race', for free food!" replied Kirby.

_Team one  
_"Almost there!" said Ganondorf, forced to paddle the boat alone. Ganondorf rowed the boat up to the end of the lake, and then shook Young Link.  
"Psst, Young Link, we're here! Now we can get a head start!" whispered Ganondorf.  
"Let's go," said Young Link. "I bet we can catch up to Samus and Zelda, Link and Jigglypuff and…"  
"Samus?" asked Falcon. "Hey we're here! But you're not Samus! I guess we'll have to settle for you, Young Link, you sleazy dog, you…"  
"RUN!" screamed Ganondorf.  
_  
Mewtwo  
Correct pins: 2  
_"Come on, Mewtwo!" said Ness. "We've almost been here for an hour and a half, and Kirby and Yoshi are the only ones who have done this task!"  
Mewtwo rolled a Waddle Dee down, and it missed.  
"The crowds are so big, more than half of the teams are here that we have to split up into two lanes," said Ness.  
Mewtwo rolled a Waddle Dee down his lane, and then hit a '3' pin, but then spun off onto another pin, but narrowly missed.  
"That must have been the worst description of bowling I've ever heard," commented Ness. "It makes no sense!"  
"Good," said Mewtwo. "Now they'll never know I used my telekinetic powers to cheat!"  
Now you'll never know he **used his telekinetic powers to cheat**.  
_Task Completed!  
Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Ness grabbed the clue from Nago, and they walked up near the detour sign, right outside Nago's Tavern.  
"We have to go to Rick's grocery store," said Ness.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
29/40 apples  
_ "Hey, apparently this apple is as stupid as Gwenyth Palthrow!" laughed Kirby.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Stop it and eat!"  
_"Too much chilli!" said Kirby.

_Samus and Zelda  
3rd to complete Road Block  
_"Yes!" shouted Samus.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
4th to complete Road Block  
_"Yeah!" shouted Link, as Jigglypuff won the road block.

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
5th to complete Road Block  
_"Woohoo!" shouted Ganondorf in his previously unknown high-pitched, girly non-falsetto voice.

_Nana and Popo  
6th to complete Road Block  
_"w00t!" said Nana.  
_  
Falcon and DK  
_"Well, me and Donkey Kong, Peach and Bowser, Pikachu and Pichu have now got our own lanes to ourselves since the others have done it. Everyone's struggling to get the Waddle Dees where they want, and people have been losing concentration and some people barely know who's doing the task!" said Falcon.  
"Falcon, you said you'd do the Road Block! You haven't even tried it yet, and we've been here for an hour!"

_Peach and Bowser  
_"Peach, I can't possibly see how you can accidentally kill so many Waddle Dees in an hour! I mean, some were acknowledgeable accidents, but the one that you rolled out the door and got crushed by a steamroller, well that was just careless! Do you keep on pouring sand on the lanes?" asked Bowser.  
"Oh!" laughed Peach. "I poured the sand into the Waddle Dees! That's why they all suffocated!"

_Pichu and Pikachu  
_"Ii Pichu!" screamed Pichu. _"Do you know how hard it is to lift the Waddle Dees?"  
_"Pika!" shouted Pikachu. _"Here, why don't we both do it together?"_  
They "did it" together.  
**  
Theau Thor's note:** I know that "did it" could mean something completely different from what I'm saying here. Although, come to think of it, it would be completely plausible for two Pokemon to… well, you know. Well, let's talk about something completely unrelated. Like bananas. No, that doesn't- how about the maternity w- no, okay, give me a moment… apples! I'll write about  
Apples  
Apples  
Oh, right. The story.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
38/40 Apples  
_"One more apple each! Can you do it, Yoshi?"  
"Hyark!" said Yoshi, jumping up in the air who was now red and was about to explode and was much disorientated.  
Kirby ate his apple happily and then looked at Yoshi. Yoshi ate his apple, looked nervously, and then…  
"**ARARARARARRUHRUHRUHRUHRUHRUHRUHRARARARARARRUHRUHRURHRURHRUHRARARARARARUHRUHRARA!**" screamed Yoshi.  
Kirby took his clue and read it.

"Teams must now walk 400 Waddle metres to Pitch and Coo seaside hotel, which will be the pit stop for this leg of the race."  
_  
Ness and Mewtwo  
_"This book is in English!" said Ness.  
"I know," said Rick. "It's an excuse to have a laugh at the dumb people! You just have to read it!"  
"Ball. Look at ball. See ball. See funny ball. Ball is fun. Very fun. Very very fun. Look at the very fun ball. Look at the very fun funny ball. Look and see at the funny ball. The ball is your friend. Spork is the best cooking and eating utensil," read Mewtwo. Rick handed Mewtwo the clue, and Ness and Mewtwo ran out.

_Pichu and Pikachu  
7th to complete Road Block  
_"Pichu!" said Pichu. _"We did it together, and I want to do it again!"_

Peach and Bowser  
8th to complete Road Block  
"Yay, We did it! A princess like me can always do things right," in a high-pitched girly voice said Bowser.

_Falcon and DK  
Last to complete Road Block  
_"Looks like we're last again!" said Falcon.  
But then they realised something. What did they realise? Find out next time!

Next time…

They realised that they were last.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Great, what a hard Detour," said Samus, sarcastically.  
"We're 200 metric metres away from the pit stop. Wait, that's Kirby and Yoshi, and Ness and Mewtwo right in front of us!" said Zelda.  
Samus and Zelda sprinted towards Kirby and Yoshi, and then zipped past Ness and Mewtwo.

_Link and Jiggylpuff  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"That was easy, because I have no tongue, so I wouldn't know if there was something exploding in there!"  
_"I guess that means we'll have to skip to the pit stop!" said Link.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Kirby ran over and tackled Samus three metres away from the world map, while Yoshi made Mewtwo into an egg and threw him into a bush. Zelda grabbed onto Yoshi's neck and Samus charged toward Ness, while Mewtwo popped out of the egg and charged toward Kirby. Yoshi then…

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 4th Place  
_Link stared at the brawl occurring between Kirby, Mewtwo, Ness, Samus, Yoshi and Zelda and then looked at Jigglypuff.  
"Jig! Jig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Look, a melee! Can I join in?"  
_"Well, Jig…"  
"Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Look, it's the world map!"  
_Jigglypuff jumped on the world map.  
"Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number one!" said Master Hand. "And you've won a vacation to luxurious Aqua Star for 10 nights, which you can enjoy after the race."

Everyone looked at Master Hand, and Jigglypuff and Link who were very happy. Kirby grabbed Yoshi and ran to the world map.

"Kirby and Yoshi, you are team number two!"

Ness used his psychic beam to knock Zelda away, and he stepped on the world map, and waited 20 seconds for Mewtwo to come.

"Ness and Mewtwo, you are team number three!"

Samus ran over to Zelda, and helped her up and ran to the world map.

"Samus and Zelda, you are team number four!"  
"Four this!" said Zelda, revealing a rocket launcher.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Sprint, Young Link, sprint!" shouted Ganondorf, having a foot race with Nana and Popo.  
Nana threw a stone at Ganondorf, and then managed to gain to come in at 5th place.  
"Nana and Popo, you are team number five, and Ganondorf and Young Link, you are team number six!" said Master Hand.  
"Good!" shouted Nana.

_Pichu and Pikachu  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Help me, Pichu, Pikachu!" screamed Rick. Pikachu and Pichu didn't look back, and sprinted towards the finish.  
"Pichu and Pikcahu, I cannot check you in," said Master Hand. "You did a Road Block together, and you will have a thirty minute penalty for breaking a rule."  
_Time left before Pichu and Pikachu's check-in: 30:00_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 8th Place  
"HAVE! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" shouted Bowser.  
"I don't know!" screamed Peach.  
"Oh, have is like an Ice Cream! Rick, you look much bigger than the last time I saw you!" said Bowser.  
Big Rick handed Peach and Bowser the clue, and then evilly laughed, seeing Falcon and DK coming in.  
_Time left: 18:36_

Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
"So we have to just read books?" asked Falcon.  
"Yes, Mr. Ever So Straight! I see you still have a handbag!" said Rick.

_Peach and Bowser  
_"Peach and Bowser, you are team number seven!" said Master Hand.  
_Time left: 16:02  
_  
_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Once upon a time, there was an idiot called Captain Falcon, who had a despicable friend called Donkey Kong!" read Falcon.  
"Seems like a nice book!" said DK, cheerfully.  
"He eliminated Marth and Roy in the second leg of the race, which made them very angry!" read Falcon.  
"Look! Cool Illustrations!" said DK.  
_Time left: 8:07  
_"So Marth tried to kill Falcon once in a taxi, but failed!" read Falcon. "So when he closed the book, Marth killed Falcon in Rick's grocery store!"  
"Book? What does that mean?" asked Falcon.  
"I think…"

5 minutes later…  
_Time left: 3:00  
_"Close the book!" said Mar… correction: Rick.  
"Okay! Nice book, by the way!" said DK, closing the book, throwing it into Marth's groin area.  
"Argh! Foiled by a book in the groin!" screamed Marth. "Again!"  
_Time left: 2:12  
_Falcon and DK ran out of the grocery and ran out a long strip to get to the finish line, when DK fell over.  
"AAGH! It hurts!" said DK, in pain.  
_Time left: 1:43  
_"Here, let me put a band-aid on. There, that worked!" said Falcon.  
_Time left: 0:58  
_"Now let's go!" said Falcon.  
_Time left: 0:53  
_Falcon and DK ran to the pit stop when Falcon fell over.  
_Time left: 0:44  
_"AAGH! It hurts!" said Falcon, in pain.  
_Time left: 0:30  
_"Here, it's a band-aid! There you go!" said Donkey Kong.  
_Time left: 0:13  
_"Oh look! A quarter!" said Falcon.  
_Time left: 0:10  
_"Oh look! Another quarter!" said DK, bending over.  
_Time left: 0:02  
_"Oh look! Another quarter!" said DK, bending over.  
_Time left: 0:01  
_"Aah, here's the pit stop!" said Falcon.

"Falcon and DK, you are team number eight, which means Pichu and Pikachu are eliminated!"

"Pi!" cried Pikachu. _"Well, we had a good run, but I've become friends with Pichu over this time, this race really has brought us together."  
_  
**Times:  
**Link and Jigglypuff-3:20 PM  
Kirby and Yoshi- 3:21 PM  
Ness and Mewtwo- 3:22 PM  
Samus and Zelda- 3:24 PM  
Nana and Popo- 3:27 PM  
Y Link and Ganondorf- 3:27 PM  
Peach and Bowser- 3:42 PM  
Falcon and DK- 3:59 PM  
**Pichu and Pikachu- 4:00 PM- eliminated  
**


	5. Leg Five: Congo Jungle

"Last time on, A Smashy Amazing race: Teams went to Dream Land!  
On the first tasks, teams had to combine together and row across Waddle Lake, and then complete a very hard road block! Kirby and Yoshi got the task done easily, and had an advantage. With some determination, Pichu and Pikachu finished the hard road block, however, they both did the task together," said Master Hand.  
"Kirby and Yoshi chose a hard detour, which put them back and made the others closer, and before the pit stop, there was a melee, which made Link and Jigglypuff place first.  
Pichu and Pikachu made it to the pit stop in seventh place, but had to face a half-hour penalty for finishing the road block together.  
Peach and Bowser made it, and so did Captain Falcon and Donkey Kong narrowly, making Pichu and Pikachu eliminated.  
Only eight teams remain, who will be eliminated next?"  
**  
Teams:  
**Peach and Bowser (Italian)  
Nana and Popo (Chinese)  
Link and Jigglypuff (Ranch)  
Kirby and Yoshi (Fast Food)  
Ganondorf and Young Link (Indian)  
Ness and Mewtwo (Japanese)  
Zelda and Samus (Arsenics among other things)  
Falcon and DK (YOU'LL NEVER FIND US IN A RESTAURANT TOGETHER BECAUSE IT'S JUST NOT TRUE)

**LEG FIVE**

"Link and Jigglypuff arrived at 3:20 PM, they will depart at 3:20 AM!" said Master Hand.  
**  
**_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"You must now walk 400 Waddle Metres to K, CC and G airway, where you must take a charter plane to DDD Airport! You must then book tickets to Congo Jungle! Your next clue will be outside the airport." read Link.  
"Jig Ig Jig Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff. _"In the next 10 minutes, 5 teams will leave and in 40 minutes, all of the teams would've left, which means that the competition is really tight, and we've got to make the most of every second!"  
_"Quick, there's the other team!" shouted Link.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Quick, catch them, before they get out of our sight!" said Kirby, dragging Yoshi along while running.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Run Jigglypuff!" shouted Link, picking her up and running.  
"Jig, puh!" said Jigglypuff sarcastically. _"Well, I can't run if you're picking me up, can I?"  
_"Where the h& are we?" asked Link, looking at a 3-way diversion in the path.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Yoshi and Kirby sprinted up to a stationary Link, and then looked at Link and Jigglypuff.  
"According to my map, we have to go to the middle one, but I can't see in this light!" said Kirby.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Come on! I see them!" said Ness, shining his long-distance flash light.  
Ness and Mewtwo ran to Kirby and Yoshi, and then started to puff, and tried to squint at Kirby's map.  
"We managed to beat Samus and Zelda again," said Mewtwo. "They are way too sneaky."  
"I've got an idea," said Kirby.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 4th Place  
_Samus grabbed the letter without looking at it, caught sight of the others and ran out to them. Samus being fast ran straight to Kirby and Yoshi, looking at the sign.  
"Hi Samus! Why don't you go that way, to the airway? It's that way!" said Kirby, pointing to a badly spelt sign.  
"SMUS ND ZLDA GO TIS WEY…" read Samus  
"Okay," said Samus.  
"Wait, aren't they trying to trick us?" asked Zelda.  
"Yeah! You're trying to trick us!" said Samus.  
"Okay, be that way," said Ness, walking towards the left path.  
"No!" said Samus, rushing towards the left path.  
Kirby and Yoshi, Ness and Mewtwo and Link and Jigglypuff looked at Samus and Zelda, and then turned back towards the correct path.

_Nana and Popo  
Chinese  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"You must now walk 400 Waddle Metres to K, CC and G airway, where you must take a charter plane to DDD Airport! You must then book tickets to Congo Jungle! Your next clue will be outside the airport." read Popo.  
"Just as well I have my handy-dandy… **map**!" said Popo.  
"Well I can't find Blue! Can you find Blue?" asked Nana, looking at the camera pointing her finger.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"I've got an idea!" said Young Link.  
"What?" asked Ganondorf.  
"Let's trick the two teams behind us by setting up a fake sign!" said Young Link.  
"Yes, finally, your five years of training has paid off!" said Ganondorf.  
Ganondorf set up a fake sign that pointed to the path that was going right.  
"Now let's go to the real path!" said Ganondorf running to the left path.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Look, a diversion that's so hard to decide that we can't look at our map!" shouted Peach.  
"That sign says SMUS ND ZLDA TIS WEY," said Bowser. "But the sign pointing to the right says 'Please go this way'. And to make things even more confusing, our map says 'Ignore the fake signs and take the middle path, idiots'. Hey! It's calling us idiots! Well, I'm not listening to you any more!" He threw the map away.  
"Let's go to the left path!" said Peach.  
"No, let's go to the right path!" said Bowser.  
"Can you decide?" asked Bowser, pointing his finger right in front of the camera.  
Peach dragged Bowser away, still pointing his finger at the camera.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Let's-a go!" said Falcon.  
"Mamma Mia!" said DK. "It's-a diversion!"  
"Let's-a-go!" said Falcon. "…to the left path!"  
"Why are we talking like this?" asked DK.  
"STFU N00B!" said Sonic, in a cameo.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Go!" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"The flight desk opens at 6:00 AM!"  
_"Its 4:10 AM right now, do you think they'll notice they're in the wrong place in 2 hours?" asked Kirby.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Hey Samus, do you think we're going the right way?" asked Peach.  
"Yeah, haven't we been here yesterday?" asked Falcon.  
"OH NOES!11111 WEEEVE BEEEN TRIKKEED!" said Samus.  
"Come on, let's go!" shouted Zelda, leading the others back to the diversion.

_5:58 AM_

Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 4th Place  
"Look, there they are!" said Zelda.  
"And it's opening in two minutes!" said Samus.  
"We're the only ones awake, so let's try to find some food!" said Zelda, looking around.  
Samus took Nana's bag and took out a chicken roll, then accidentally stepped on Popo.  
"AAH!" said Popo. "Hey, that's Nana's roll!"  
Popo shook Nana and woke her up.  
"WHAT? You took my roll! Thieves!" shouted Nana.  
"Well, we're hungry and plus, somebody led us off the track!" said Zelda.  
"It was Ness!" shouted Kirby.  
"No way," said Ness. "It was Link!"  
"No! Mewtwo!" shouted Link.  
"What, it was Kirby's idea!" shouted Mewtwo.  
"It was Yoshi!" said Link.  
"It was Kirby!"  
"Link!"  
"Mewtwo!"  
"Ness!"  
"Kirby!"  
"Ness!"  
"Mewtwo!"  
"Yoshi!"  
"Ness!"  
"Kirby!"  
"Yoshi!"  
"Kirby!"  
"Mewtwo!"  
"Link!"  
"Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff.  
"Well, it was good that somebody led you off the track!" growled Nana.

Pitch, a worker for the airway opened up the front door and waited for flight bookings.  
"Well, I'll be going in!" said Samus.  
"Oh, no you're not b&ch!" shouted Nana, throwing a conveniently placed brick at Samus, who ducked.  
"You wanna have a go at me?" asked Samus, walking up to Nana.  
"I'll run in, Young Link!" shouted Ganondorf.  
"Nobody's getting past us!" screamed Zelda, taking an iron bar out of the plumbing hitting Young Link and Ganondorf.  
"Guess what, you're more evil than me!" said Ganondorf.  
"Yeah!" said Popo.  
"Hey! I'm the only one that can bag Samus and Zelda, not you!" shouted Ganondorf, throwing a piano at Popo.  
"And me too!" said Young Link.  
"No, not you!" said Ganondorf.  
Ganondorf, Young Link, Samus, Zelda, Nana and Popo charged towards each other using weapons of choice to hit each other.  
"Break it up!" said Mewtwo, trying to separate Young Link and Popo from each other.  
"You wanna fight me?" asked Popo, violently placing his hands on his chest.  
"Yeah!" said Ness, throwing bricks at Samus, while using his telepathic powers to set a bomb.  
"Oi! Don't hurt my girl!" said Falcon.  
"I'm not your girl!" shouted Samus, hitting Falcon with 10 tonnes of metal.  
Kirby and Yoshi, Peach and Bowser and Link and Jigglypuff crossed arms and skipped in into the flights desk.  
"Hello, I'd like 2 tickets on the first charter flight!" said Kirby, cheerfully. "Thanks Pitch!"  
"It leaves at 7:15 am!" said Pitch.  
"Hello, I'd like to book 2 tickets for the first flight!" said Link. "Thanks!"  
"Hi, we're dating and you're a small bird!" said Peach.  
Peach smiled at Pitch and then looked at Bowser puzzled.  
"Isn't that bird supposed to say something?" whispered Peach.  
"You've got to ask him for tickets!" said Bowser.  
"Hello, I'm an ungenetical form of cabbage and I'd like to shave your obsolete eyeballs!" said Peach, cheerfully.  
"Was that right?" whispered Peach.  
"No! You have to ask her for tickets!" said Bowser, angrily.  
"With all of your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!" said Peach.  
Bowser smacked his head.  
"Hi, we'd like two tickets on the first charter flight!" said Bowser.  
Bowser took the tickets.  
"Hi, I'd like to stick your red hot beak into my warm inviting v-"  
"Let's go," said Bowser, dragging her away.  
"Vacuum cleaner?" asked Peach.

"Well, I'm going in!" said Nana.  
"No you're not!" said Samus, blasting her away with a phaser gun!  
"Hey, my love! Don't hurt people!" said Falcon.  
"I'm not your love!" said Samus, hurting Falcon.  
Kirby ran in into the desk and ate the small green bird, and then ran out.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff. _"You wouldn't mind if I held the tickets."  
_"I don't!" said Link.  
Young Link walked up to Jigglypuff.  
"Can you give me your tickets? You'll be cool!" said Young Link.  
"Jig? Ig? Iggly?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Can I be a victim of peer pressure? Please? Please?"  
_"Well Jigglypuff," said Link, "When people are subject to peer…"  
Jigglypuff kidnapped Link.  
"WHAT THE HECK? I'M ON YOUR SIDE!" screamed Link.  
"No, you're wrong," said a man, stepping out from the shadows.  
"Dr. Not-Good?" gasped Link.  
"Finally you recognise my evil influence," said Dr. Not-Good.  
"Well, how did you get tickets?" asked Young Link.  
Peach and Bowser, Kirby and Yoshi and Link and Jigglypuff stepped together in a line.

(introduction melody)

**All: **We have manners,  
We have manners,  
**Peach: **We always,  
Say Please,  
**All: **We have manners,  
We have manners,  
**Link: (fast) **We would say thank you,  
If someone would sneeze,  
**Bowser: **We never would gamble,  
**Jigglypuff: **And we hate,  
Avril Lavigne…  
**Kirby: **Cos' we have manners,  
**Yoshi: **You and me!

_1st Charter Plane  
7:15 AM  
_"Me and Yoshi, Jigglypuff and Link, and Peach and Bowser are on the first charter flight, and my friend Gooey, booked the three teams to the earliest flight on Dream Air!" said Kirby.  
"Jig! Ig Jig Iggly!" said Jigglypuff. _"We're not the three most aggressive teams, so we've decided we'll work together for the next few legs, and give us a head start when it counts!"  
_  
_2nd Charter Plane  
7:30 AM  
_"Great, we're stuck on a plane with our biggest enemies, Nana and Popo," said Samus.  
"Once we get off this plane, we're going to run like heck!" said Zelda.  
"There are fourteen legs in this race, and we're kind of already starting to get the feel of it, so we've gotta run!" said Samus.

_3rd Charter Plane  
7:45 AM  
_"Ow!" said Donkey Kong. "Falcon and I, Young Link and Ganondorf and Ness and Mewtwo are on the third and last charter plane. We're only 15 minutes away from the flight before us, but that could be the factor between winning and losing."

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Arrived on 1st Charter Plane  
_"Get off!" said Kirby.  
Kirby and Yoshi ran out of the plane, to get to the airport.

_On a floor above  
_"Look at them go! I hate Kirby and Yoshi," said Marth.  
"Yes, I hate Kirby and Yoshi too. I'll use this grenade now!" replied Roy, menacingly.  
Roy pulled the pin out of a grenade and tried to throw it at Kirby and Yoshi.  
"Hey! Who put this window here?" asked Roy.  
"Uh-oh, that means the grenade bounced back from the window to back here, and if the pin is out…" said Marth.  
"Then there's about to be…"

"…an explosion caused by a grenade in the airport, which means all flights are grounded, and everyone must evacuate the terminal," said a voice over the loudspeaker. "All incoming flights will still land, but there will be no departures until the area is checked."  
Kirby and Yoshi looked at the loudspeaker, and then heard a new message.  
"We have just heard that only two people have been injured and they are from fire emblem. Nobody cares about fire emblem, so flights will carry on!" said the loudspeaker.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Where's gate 8?" asked Peach.  
"I don't know! All the gates are in some weird language!" replied Bowser.  
"Oh, I know what it is! It's what the pre-schoolers use to count!" said Peach, a bit puzzled. "It's called numbers!"  
"How will we get help?" asked Peach.  
Peach took off her top and asked for help.  
"I think I'll stay like this!" said Peach.  
"AAAAGH! IT BURNS! THE HORROR! AARGH!" screamed Bowser.  
"I think I'll stay like this!" said Peach.  
People covered their eyes in horror and disgust.  
"I think I'll stay like this!" said Peach.  
The alarms went off.  
"I think I'll stay like this!" said Peach.  
Things started to melt.  
"I think I'll stay like this?" said Peach.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
On 1st Dream Air Flight  
_"Well, the same three teams as the charter flight are now on this Dream Air flight. We booked before hand, so we got to leave straight away, so we've got about an hour's advantage or so!" said Link.

_2nd Charter Flight  
_  
_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Let's go!" said Nana.  
Nana and Popo ran out of the charter plane with their bags and then ran up to the Dream Air desk.  
"Hello," said Nana to an employee at the desk.  
"Hello, Nana…" said the employee in an evilly charming tone.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 5th Place  
_Samus and Zelda trailed a few seconds behind Nana and Popo, and then saw Nana walk up to a desk.  
"Don't do it, Nana! It's a trap!" screamed Zelda.  
Nana turned around and said, "How should I trust you if you're trying to steal our food?"  
"Well, uh…" said Samus.  
A Koopa bumped into Samus with a trolley. Samus turned around, and the Koopa apologised. Samus turned around, but the employee, Nana and Popo were gone.  
_Will Nana and Popo use their evolving super powers and evolve to new levels, and play new exciting cards? Will Popo manage to get that testosterone boost that will make him a better card player? Will Popo give up and leave the evil Dun-shu evil force to win? Will Popo win the battle against Dun-shu and then evolve his cards into next rank? Because he's going to, but pretend to look surprised next episode.  
_"Right…" said Zelda.  
Samus and Zelda walked up to the counter.

_3rd Charter Flight  
_  
_Ganondorf and Young Link  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Here, on the flight I made these fresh cookies!" said Ganondorf. "They're laced with hallucination pills, so it will stop other teams, and make them fantasise about romance or other things. So that means that… Young Link…"  
"Peach?" asked Young Link.  
"I… will… make… romance… so that means that Young Link…" said Peach.  
"Oh just come here, Peach!" said Young Link.  
Young Link grabbed Ganondorf, and then did the tango, and then walked away with a big grin, shaking his fists.  
"You know Peach, you've drugged me way too much… Peach…" said Young Link.  
_Young Link and Peach  
Happy in romance  
_"Aah!" sighed Young Link.  
Young Link put two mangoes on Ganondorf's chest, and then smothered his face in them.  
"Uh… it's not what you think!" said Ganondorf, pushing Young Link away.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Hi, we'd like two tickets to Congo Jungle!" said Ness.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Hi, we'd like two tickets to Congo Jungle!" said Falcon and DK at the same time.  
"Hey, isn't it funny that we're talking at the same time, the same thing?" asked Falcon and DK at the same time, who then stared at each other.  
"He wouldn't say this," said Falcon and DK simultaneously.  
"Okay, this is freaking me out…" they said.  
"Er… Hooga booga!"  
People stared at them.  
"**I WEAR WOMEN'S CLOTHING AND PANTIES AT NIGHT AND I WEAR THONGS AND HIGH-HEELS AND I STEAL PEACH'S CLOTHING WHEN SHE'S NOT LOOKING AND SOMETIMES I LIKE TO LOOK AT LINK!**" said Falcon and DK at the same time.  
"AAH!" said Falcon and DK, running off in separate directions.

"Link and Jigglypuff, Kirby and Yoshi and Peach and Bowser are on an 8:00 AM Dream Air flight, which will arrive at 1:20 PM, Congo Jungle time.  
Samus and Zelda and Ness and Mewtwo are on an 8:50 DeDeDe Air flight, via De Island De Bowser that arrives at 2:30 PM Congo Jungle time.  
The others are on a 9:40 Koopa Air flight, via Koopa Beach which arrives at 3:40 PM Congo Jungle time.  
Teams will find their next clue somewhere outside the airport terminal," said Master Hand.

_1:20 PM  
1st Flight to Arrive  
_  
_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"So we're clear on this? We're all working together to find the clue box!" said Peach.  
Peach led the three teams around the small terminal, and then saw a clue up in a tree!  
"Oh look, it's a high tree!" said Peach. "Well, I'll get everyone clues, since I won the 800m Men's track event in the 1956 Olympics!"  
"No you didn't," replied Bowser. "First of all, you weren't born then, second of all, you're not a man, and last, winning a running event has nothing to do with climbing up a tree!"  
Peach fell down and broke into tears.  
"Don't cry, Peach! You're just not a male person! You are female! See? You've written it on your hand, so you walk into the right bathroom!" said Bowser.  
"Okay," sobbed Peach, "It's so nice of you to say such nice things to a -" she glanced at her hand – "girl like me."  
"Look, Jigglypuff is climbing up the tree!" said Bowser.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"That's it, Jigglypuff!" cheered on Link. "You climb that tree!"  
Jigglypuff threw the box on the tree off, and concussed Yoshi.  
"Hooray for Jigglypuff!" cheered everyone.  
"Yay, I did it!" said Peach.  
Bowser smacked his head.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Yoshi took a clue out of the fallen box, and read it.  
"Yoshi Yoshi Hur Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"You must now drive 50 kilometres in a marked car to Donkey Kong's house, where at the front gate; you will find your next clue."  
_  
"Teams must now drive in a marked car to Donkey Kong's house, where at the front gate; they will find their next clue. With their clue, they will receive a front door key, and will be instructed to open the front door, and close it behind them and do their next task," said Master Hand.

"Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"Can you drive a car?"  
_"Why do that when I can become -" he inhaled some tyres – "WHEEL KIRBY!"  
Yoshi and Kirby zoomed off, destroying several small houses as they left.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Jig!" asked Jigglypuff. _"Let's go! Kirby and Yoshi have already left!"  
_"Um… Jigglypuff, you'll have to drive, because I can't drive a shift stick!" said Link.  
"Jig!" replied Jigglypuff. _"Sure thing I will!"  
_Jigglypuff put the gear on neutral, and backed out into Falcon and DK's marked car.  
"Jig jig jiggy!" replied Jigglypuff. _"Whoops!"  
_Jigglypuff reversed the car into Falcon's car again.  
"Jig!" replied Jigglypuff. _"Whoops!"  
_Jigglypuff panicked and drove away trying to look innocent.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Well, I'll drive the car, I won NASCAR in 1284!" said Peach.  
Bowser smacked his head.

_2:30  
2nd Flight to Arrive  
_  
_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Go, Ness!" said Mewtwo.  
Ness and Mewtwo ran into the car, Mewtwo taking the steering wheel. Mewtwo turned the ignition on and then changed the gear.  
"I hope that's the right gear," said Mewtwo.  
Mewtwo rammed his car into the back of Falcon and DK's car, panicked, rammed into Falcon and DK's marked car again and then drove out.  
"Hey," said Ness. "Look at how my telekinetic powers can flip this car upside down!"  
"I wonder whose car that is?" said Mewtwo.  
"No idea," said Ness.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 5th place  
_"We're supposed to drive that?" said Zelda in disgust. "That puny little wagon?"  
Samus shrugged. "An armoured 16-wheeler isn't _that_ little, but I know what you mean. Hey, look! A tank!"

_Ness and Mewtwo_  
"So," said Mewtwo.

_Samus and Zelda_  
Zelda rammed the military tank out of its container and onto the road.  
"Watch it," said Samus. "You just ran over that marked car."  
"I wonder who it was for?" said Zelda.  
"Who cares?" said Samus. "Let's see if the guns on this tank can push it onto the road!"  
A car exploded behind them.  
"Ouch," said Zelda. "At least that was our marked car."  
Their designated car flipped through the air and landed onto Falcon and DK's car, setting it on fire.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
_"Yoshi yoshi yoshi Yoshi?" _"Kirby, what did you do with that acid you bought at the airport?"_  
"It's okay," said Kirby, taking a shortcut through a couple of civilians. "I threw it away like you asked me to. No idea whose car engine it landed in. My aim is a bit rusty."

_  
3:40  
Final Flight_

Nana and Popo  
Currently in 6th Place  
"Let's go!" said Nana.  
Popo ran out of the airport with Nana, grabbed the clue, read it and ran into the car.

_Mario and Luigi…  
_"Let's-a use the missiles now-a!" said Luigi.  
Mario used his high-tech doo-wacky sounding missile, and aimed at Nana and Popo. Luigi pressed his finger on the button when…  
"MAMA MIA! A KOOPA SHELL!" shouted Mario.  
Luigi shook the launcher and accidentally pressed the button, blasting a missile into Falcon and DK's marked car.

_Ganondorf and Y Link  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Are we going to use these cookies?" asked Young Link, taking a clue from the letterbox.  
"Yep, when it's most needed," said Ganondorf.  
"Hey look at Falcon and DK's car," said Young Link, standing outside their marked car. "I feel sorry for Falcon and Donkey Kong, I'm going to pour gasoline over it, because it helps the car heal. And while I'm at it, I'll have a smoke!"

** (AD BREAK TIME)**

"Hello, I am from the gasoline accidents council in Florida. Our aim is to stop gasoline accidents, because gasoline is not safe. Try using the American alternative, Kerosene, because we said so!" said a spokesperson. "So remember: Gasoline equals Canadian way, Kerosene is the American way!"

**END OF CONVENIENTLY PLACED AD BREAK  
**  
_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Look!" said Donkey Kong. "There's only one car left!"  
"And that car is a pile of debris," said Falcon.  
"Will we finally be eliminated?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"Actually, since you have very strong leg muscles and you know where we are going, why can't you carry me?" asked Falcon.  
"Won't that look a bit…" said Donkey Kong.  
"Fun?" asked Falcon.  
Donkey Kong picked Falcon up.  
They had lots of fun.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Come on! Here's the clue box!" said Kirby, taking a clue.  
"Yoshi hur hup Yoshi up hup Yoshi!" read Yoshi. _"You must now use this key, to open the door, and shut it behind you, without letting anyone in. You must then search the house for Donkey Kong's bedroom, and find the next clue! If you are behind someone, you must wait until both doors are locked before you can go in!"  
_"Let's go!" said Kirby, opening the front door.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"DON'T GO KIRBY!" screamed Peach. "I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE CLUE BOX IS! I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE CLUE BOX IS!" screamed Peach.  
"Peach, you're bashing your head on the letterbox!" replied Bowser.  
"Stop bashing your head up against the letterbox! It makes you look like a fool!" scolded Peach.  
"I'm not-"  
"Ha! You said 'not'! And I'm blonde!" Peach started chasing the back of her hips.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_Link and Jigglypuff slowly walked around Bowser, who was bashing Peach's skull down onto the ground, opened the front door and went in.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Kirby and Yoshi ran up two flights of stairs, and then found the only room on that single storey.  
"Look! It's a clue box!" said Kirby.  
Kirby opened an envelope from the box and read it.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Road Block!"_

"Road Block, a task that only one member of the team can complete!" said Master Hand.  
"In this Road Block, teams must walk down back to the ground floor, and find Donkey Kong's garden.  
One member of each team must be blindfolded, and then smash a barrel with a mallet. If they find a clue, they can continue on, but if they don't, then teams must go to the back of line, if any.  
Out of 40 barrels, 16 have clues in them."

Kirby and Yoshi read the clue and then ran down the stairs.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Quickly, there's the clue box!" said Peach.  
Bowser and Peach ran to the letterbox and grabbed a clue, and then Bowser looked at posters of himself on the wall.  
"Oh cool, he must be my friend!" said Bowser, who then looked at dozens of other posters of male characters of Nintendo. "Uh… yeah, let's get out of here!"  
"Ooh! Girls! Icky!" said Peach.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Jigglypuff and Link looked around upstairs, when suddenly a blue bird with a knife jumped out of a closet.  
"Well if it isn't Mrs. Push Falco out of a window?" asked Falco. "Well guess what? Jigglypuff, I am going to kill you, after all these years of frustration and hope for money, I think I'll stab you, so me and Fox will feel much better. Yes, I will stab you, and I will stab you with this knife! Mwa ha ha haa!"  
**NOTE:** Due to Jigglypuff's bad hearing, she only heard the following words:  
"Jigglypuff… stab… whitenoise… me… with this knife!"  
Jigglypuff took Falco's knife and stabbed him as he requested.

**(AD BREAK TIME)  
**  
"Hello, I am from the knife accidents council in Texas. Our aim is to stop knife accidents, because knives are not safe. Try using the American alternative, guns, because guns are more powerful, and we have a bigger variety!" said a spokesperson. "So remember: The Knife is the Canadian way, Guns are America!"

**END OF SUBLIMINAL AD BREAK**

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Here you go," said Diddy Kong, tying a blindfold around Yoshi's eyes.  
"Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"So I just have to try to smash a barrel with a clue in it?"  
_"Yep," said Diddy Kong.  
Bowser and Peach walked in and watched Yoshi.  
Yoshi lifted the heavy mallet up, picked it up with two hands and managed to break open a mallet with it.  
"Nope, it seems there's… TOAD in there?" asked Diddy Kong.  
"Heh, heh, well, that didn't have to do anything with me trying to starve him to death, drop him in a barrel and then mail it to Donkey Kong's house! Under bulk!" said Bowser, scratching his throat nervously.

_Bowser  
Tries: 1  
_Diddy Kong took the blindfold off Yoshi, and then put it on Bowser. Bowser lifted up the mallet with ease, and then started blindly bashing on one barrel.  
"Nope, sorry!" said Diddy Kong.  
"DAARGH!" said Bowser.

_Link  
Tries: 1  
_Link lifted up the mallet, and threw it a few metres in front of him. It hit a barrel; Link took the blindfold off, and then found a clue in the broken barrel.  
"Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Detour!"  
_  
"Detour! In Detours, teams can choose between two tasks!" said Master Hand.  
"In this tour, teams must choose between two tasks, Hide and Seek.  
In 'Hide', teams must find their way to Cranky Kong's hut, and survive ten minutes in there. However, the hard part is, on your arrival, Cranky Kong will be told that you're trying to steal his bananas, and you must try and hide from him for ten minutes. If he finds you, you'll probably spend a lot more than ten minutes indoors. This task is relatively easy, but you must be small, sneaky and cunning to survive ten minutes.  
In 'Seek': Teams must walk a few metres to DK's hut, and then find his magical coconut oil, which is placed on the 4th Floor, in the games room. They must then deliver it to Diddy Kong at the Road Block. This task could be easy, but, as we've **_ACCIDENTALLY_** neglected to tell them, his hut is humongous and 29 times the size of his house, so it could be time consuming."

"I think we'll do Seek," said Link.  
"Jig, Ig Jig!" said Jigglypuff drunkenly. _"Sure honey, and I'll stop drinking!"_

Peach and Bowser  
2nd to complete Road Block  
"You go girl!" chanted Peach.  
"Yeah, I'm a go girl!" said Bowser in a high-pitched voice.  
"What road block should we do?" asked Peach.  
"Seek!" said Bowser.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
3rd to complete Road Block  
_"What should we do?" asked Kirby.  
"Hur Hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"We'll do Hide. We're small."_  
"I think we should do Hide because of the banana- I mean, because it's easier. Food… I mean, easier. That's why I teamed up with you. Because we make a good team; not because dinosaur meat goes well with pickled carrot juice."

_Samus and Zelda  
4th to complete road block  
_"Yeah!" said Samus. "Which one should we do?"  
"I think we should go to DK's hut, so I can read his diary and see if he likes me, and if he does, we can marry and we can have children…" said Zelda in a voice that actually sounded female.  
"Ew!" said Samus. "Genetically deformed children?"

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
5th to complete roast block  
_"Mmm… that block tasted great!" said Young Link.  
"Quick, let's follow Samus and Zelda, so we can get in front of them!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
_"I'm starting soon!" screamed Cranky Kong.  
"Hup Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"Where should we hide?"  
_"Well, we can't hide in the kitchen, Cranky Kong will definitely find us there!" said Kirby. "I've got an idea!"

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
_"Hey, Samus and Zelda, Peach and Bowser, have some cookies!" announced Ganondorf.  
Peach took a cookie, ate it and then said, "Are you going to eat that? Because I'm a funny watermelon and I like to tango when it's puppy time!"  
"Sure, whatever," said Zelda.

_Samus and Zelda  
_"Donkey Kong?" asked Zelda. "Donkey Kong!"  
DK said, "Dear Diary, I like Zelda. I also grip these pencils too hard. I haven't worked out how to use a sharpener, so I guess I'll have to keep on buying new pencils. I also like watermelons. I found out that you can't sharpen watermelons and…"  
"Oh Donkey Kong!" said Zelda, puckering her lips and leaning forward.

_Peach and Bowser  
_"Is that a pony? Because I'm a pony!" said Peach. "I also like looking at belly buttons. Are you a tree? I like looking at water, but bee bites make my eye sting! Look! I can make my lips do this!"

_Samus and Zelda  
_"Eww!" screamed Samus in disgust. "It's gotta be the cookies. You didn't do that!"

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
_"Quickly!" said Young Link, running up a flight of stairs, going to the 4th floor.  
"Is it in this door?" asked Young Link.  
"Yes!" said Ganondorf, grabbing one jar full of coconut oil.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Time left: 4:44  
_Cranky Kong walked past the laundry noticing the crew filming a washing machine.  
"What are you doing?" asked Cranky Kong.  
"Oh, we're just filming a washing machine, its part of the landscape."  
"Oh, carry on then!" said Cranky Kong.

_Nana and Popo  
6th to complete Road Block  
_"Quickly, which one should we do?" asked Nana.  
"Seek!" said Popo.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
_ "Wow, this is really bad, from third to last, we could be eliminated this round," said Mewtwo, looking at Ness read the clue.  
_Ness and Mewtwo  
7th to complete Road Block  
_"Yeah!" said Mewtwo, as Ness pulled out a clue.  
"Which one should we do, search DK's house or hide?" asked Ness.  
"Search his house!" said Ness.

_Falcon and DK  
Last to complete Road Block  
_"Come on, you should know your house well!" said Falcon, running towards DK's house.  
Falcon and DK ran in.

_Ganondorf and Y Link  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Here's your clue!" said Diddy Kong, taking the coconut oil.  
"The cookies obviously worked. I made Peach and Zelda my background! Oh… is the camera on? Edit it out!" screamed Ganondorf.

"Teams must now walk by foot to DK Jr's Hotel, which will be the pit stop for the fifth leg of the race," said Master Hand. "The last team to arrive may be eliminated."

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Cranky Kong found Kirby and Yoshi after the time was up and handed them their clue.  
"There you go," said Cranky Kong, who then saw Kirby's mouth surrounded with white stuff. "Have you been eating my laundry powder?"  
"No, COUGH, No COUGH! Yes? COUGH, COUGH!" replied Kirby, nervously.

_Peach and Bowser  
_"Peach, why do you have to keep on jumping to random rooms, on different floors? Surely there must be some systematic way of working this out!" said Bowser.  
"Well, guess what, I have a friend called Bowser who lives here, and every day he swings on a vine… and turns into a big fish!" said Peach, smiling.  
"Great Peach, Great!" said Bowser.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
_"Here's the coconut oil!" said Link.  
Jigglypuff grabbed the bottle, sat on it, and then reached around for a switch.  
"Jigglypuff, that's not a broom or a vehicle of any type!" said Link.  
"Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Shh… we're trying to sleep here."_

Ganondorf and Young Link  
Currently in 1st Place  
"Here's the hotel, look, you can see the world map!" said Young Link.  
Young Link and Ganondorf stepped up to the world map.  
"I am sorry, Ganondorf and Young Link, but I cannot check you in at this present moment, as you have broken one of the rules!" said Master Hand. "You have forced three people to fall behind because of your cookies. This means you cannot check in for another half an hour."  
_Time Left: 30:00  
_  
_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Kirby and Yoshi ran around a corner, near the hotel, and then Kirby spotted Ganondorf and Young Link waiting for half an hour.  
"Hey Ganondorf, have you been sat out because of your cookies?" laughed Kirby.  
"Yoshi, hur Yoshi hup heer Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Because if that happened, that would be hysterical! I would laugh in your face, pour this Dountain Mew over you, and then laugh at you again because you finally came into first place!"  
_Ganondorf cracked his knuckles, took out his 'angry stick', and then looked at Yoshi meanly.  
"Yoshi…" said Yoshi. _"Er whoops, sorry…"  
_Kirby and Yoshi stepped on the world map, and then looked at Master Hand.  
"Kirby and Yoshi, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.  
"Yay!" said Kirby, still coughing up a bit of laundry powder.  
"And for that, you get a free holiday, to FourSide, complimentary of DeDeDe Airlines!"  
_Time Left: 29:12_

Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place  
Link carried Jigglypuff in his hands and stepped on the world map.  
"Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.  
_Time Left: 28:37_

Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 4th Place  
"Here's your clue!" said Diddy Kong.  
Samus and Zelda walked out of DK's house/tree house, and then ran a few metres across to the finish line.  
"Samus and Zelda, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.  
_Time left: 26:03_

Ness and Mewtwo  
Japanese  
"Hey look, it's the coconut oil!" said Ness.  
Ness picked it up with the tips of his fingers.  
"That's not the right way to hold it, is it?" said Mewtwo.  
"You're right! You see to avoid accidents and spills in the kitchen, you must hold it in the palm of your…"  
Four minutes later, after a long lecture  
"Here's your clue!" said Diddy Kong.  
Ness opened the envelope, ran around a few corners and then ran up to the world map.  
"Ness and Mewtwo, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.  
_Time Left: 19:33  
_**  
**_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 6th Place  
_Nana and Popo ran to the world map.  
"Nana and Popo, you are team number five!" said Master Hand.  
_Time Left: 15:53  
_  
_Peach and Bowser  
_"Peach, we've spent an hour on this activity, and we keep on going into the same rooms! We've been to the bathroom five times!" said Bowser.  
"That's because they keep on talking to me!" said Peach. "I think the blue tap is a bit cranky, but I think the red one has a crush on me! The mirror has a hamster called Hamtaro, and he's the star of a movie! Mushrooms!" replied Peach.  
_Time Left: 13:03_

Falcon and DK  
YOU'LL NEVER FIND US IN A RESTAURANT TOGETHER BECAUSE IT'S JUST NOT TRUE!  
"Why don't you know where the oil is? This is your house!" said Falcon, harshly.  
"Well, I spend out too much time trying to find out how to sharpen the pencils, that's why!" said Donkey Kong.  
"Well, this is how you do it… wait: that's hard!" said Falcon.  
_Time Left: 10:02_

Peach and Bowser  
"Okay, there's only one room left," said Peach. "This must be it!"  
"Actually, this is the only room we've checked besides the toilet!" said Bowser, sick. "Why are you so stupid?"  
Peach giggled for about 50 seconds and then fainted.  
_Time Left: 8:37  
_  
_Falcon and DK  
_"Okay, we've checked every floor except the fourth floor!" said DK.  
"Why couldn't we have done it in order, instead of jumping from the 1st floor, the 8th, the 3rd, the 5th, the 7th, the 6th, the second and then this one?" asked Falcon.  
"Because twelve is considered an unlucky number in Canadian language?" asked DK.  
_Time Left: 5:00  
_  
_Peach and Bowser  
_"Now this is the last door," said Peach. "Open sesame!"  
Peach stared around for a while, and then looked at Bowser.  
"Maybe you could use the knob?" asked Bowser.  
Peach put a paper bag over her head, and then fainted.  
_Time Left: 2:23_

Falcon and DK  
"There are only four doors left!" said DK.  
"Uh oh, my hairdo is ruined!" said Falcon, flopping one hand down.  
"Oh, don't worry, I'll fix your hairdo!" said DK, with a slight lisp.  
_  
Ganondorf and Young Link  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"You can check in now!" said Master Hand. "Ganondorf and Young Link, you are team number six!"

_Falcon and DK  
_"Hey Falcon and DK!" said Bowser.  
Peach and Bowser ran into the gamers room, took out the coconut oil, and ran out.  
"Hey wait, the coconut oil is in that room!" said Falcon.  
Falcon and DK in a hurry ran in, took the coconut oil, and then ran out.

_Peach and Bowser  
_Peach pressed the elevator button and waited for the shaft.

_Falcon and DK  
_"Quick, DK! They're using the elevator instead of the stairs, let's use those!" cried Falcon.  
Falcon and DK ran down the stairs.  
"They'll probably be stuck there forever!" said Falcon, chuckling.

_Peach and Bowser  
_"Lucky that we used the express elevator!" said Peach.  
The shaft zoomed down in an instant, and Peach and Bowser ran out to Diddy Kong.  
"Here you go!" said Diddy Kong, handing them clues.

_Falcon and DK  
_"Diddy, stop those men!" screamed DK, running from his tree house to Diddy Kong.  
"Well, actually there's one male and female!" said Diddy Kong.  
"Shut up!" said Falcon.  
Falcon and DK snatched the clue from Diddy Kong and trailed a few metres behind Peach and Bowser.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Oh no! Falcon and DK are in our tail!" said Bowser.  
"Good thing I keep oil in my purse!" said Peach, spilling oil behind her.  
"Ha! You missed!" said Falcon.  
"Wait, Handbag?" asked Falcon, puffed out.  
Falcon took out his handbag, but it was too late. Peach and Bowser had already got there first.  
"Peach and Bowser, you are team number seven!"

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"And look who's last?" said Master Hand snidely. "After all these times of coming 2nd Last by a slim margin, disappointing all of our viewers, it's come down to this! You're eliminated! Haha! Bye bye Falcon and Donkey Kong, losers! I hope that… oh… wait… it's a non-elimination leg… Well that means that you'll have to put on these **electric shock collars**! Anyone can trigger it up to 4 times per pair in the next leg, anyone, including you! That means you may get shocked up to 56 times!"  
"But I thought there were only eight teams left!" said Donkey Kong.  
"Oh, but there are 12 teams in the race, the eliminated people can shock you too!" said Master Hand.  
"But what about the other eight?" asked Falcon.  
"Oh, those eight enjoyable moments go to me!" said Master Hand.  
"Does it hurt?"  
"Well, let's have a test drive, eh?" asked Master Hand.  
"Oh, f-"  
**- Note, due to swearing so explicit it does not fit this time slot, this show will not run for the next twenty seconds.  
**  
**Finish Times:**

Kirby and Yoshi- 5:47 PM  
Link and Jigglypuff- 5:48 PM  
Samus and Zelda- 5:50 PM  
Ness and Mewtwo- 5:56 PM  
Nana and Popo- 6:00 PM  
Ganondorf and Y Link- 6:15 PM  
Peach and Bowser- 6:20 PM  
Falcon and DK- 6:21 PM


	6. Leg Six: Yoshi's Island

"Last time, on A Smashy Amazing Race: Teams went to Congo Jungle! While waiting for a charter plane in the airport, Samus and Zelda tried to steal Nana and Popo's food, which caused a giant brawl making the people that didn't fight get in the lead. Falcon and DK's car got vandalised, which set them behind!" said Master Hand.  
"Young Link and Ganondorf arrived at the pit stop first, but to try to cheat gave them a half an hour penalty! Falcon and DK arrived last, but now have to wear electric shock collars, which may interrupt fine delicate tasks.  
Will front runners Kirby and Yoshi consistently finish on top? Will Falcon and DK finally fall?  
"Only eight teams remain, who will be eliminated next?"

**The Teams:**

Nana and Popo (Lemon)  
Link and Jigglypuff (GREIPFRUTE!1111111)  
Kirby and Yoshi (Apple)  
Peach and Bowser (Peach (You don't think?))  
Ganondorf and Young Link (Watermelon)  
Ness and Mewtwo (Nectarine)  
Samus and Zelda (Lime)  
Falcon and DK (Oh, I have this fantasy where we're both sitting in a bathtub naked filled with fruit, and then Falcon says some really nice things to me, and then we… hey, is the camera on? NO! YOU NEVER HEARD ANYTHING!)

**LEG SIX  
**  
"Kirby and Yoshi arrived at 5:47 PM, they will depart at 5:47 AM," said Master Hand.  
_  
Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Run! Run! Run!" screamed Kirby, carrying 455 pizza bases.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"We haven't even read the clue yet!"  
_"I mean from the Italian chefs!" said Kirby, struggling to hold the 276 pizza bases. "They're chasing us with their smart ovens and easy-microwaves!"  
"Yoshi hup Yoshi!" screamed Yoshi. _"We have to go to Yoshi's Island! That's a great place to go to, because it's my home town!"  
_"That's great, Yoshi, but how are we going to get away from those two ugly Italian chefs?" asked Kirby, balancing the 180 pizzas on one hand.  
Kirby looked back at the chefs, who drew rolling pins, from their overalls and made angry Italian remarks at them.  
"Yoshi her Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Maybe you should reason with them!"  
_"Good thinking!" said Kirby. "I have a Bachelor of Arts in Italian! We better start running!"  
Kirby and Yoshi started running.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Then talk to them!"  
_"La vostra madre è una balena e dovrebbe essere così grassa averli due asini ugly come bambini!" screamed Kirby, running away from Mario and Luigi. _"Your mother is a whale, and she would have to be so fat to have you two ugly donkeys as children!"  
_"Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"What did you say to them?"  
_"That they should stop chasing us, and we need to have some nice breakfast!" said Kirby,  
Mario and Luigi threw their rolling pins behind them, and took out knives and started to run faster.  
"Non si preoccupi! Siete soltanto ugly quanto due asini coperti in fango e coperti di leeches!" said Kirby, worried. _"Don't worry! You're only as ugly as two donkeys covered in mud and covered with leeches!"  
_"Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"What did you say then?"  
_"Stop chasing us! Your cooking is beautiful!" said Kirby.  
Mario and Luigi threw away the knives and got out bazookas, and started firing randomly at Kirby and Yoshi.  
"Yoshi, Yoshi hur!" said Yoshi. _"Wow, when they're angry as that they look like two donkeys covered in mud and covered with leeches!"_  
"Why are they chasing us?" said Kirby. "We don't have any of their pizzas!"  
"Yoshi?" _"We don't?"_  
"Uh… I dropped them? Heh… heh… LOOK, A CLUE!"  
_  
Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Link read the clue, as Jigglypuff picked up a spear. "You must now fly to Yoshi's Island, and find Shy Guy's fruit farm where you will receive your next clue."  
"Jigglypuff, what's that?" asked Link.  
"Jig Ig Iggly Jiggly!" said Jigglypuff. _"This is a spear, and this is a poison coated arrow."  
_"Jigglypuff, weapons in the wrong hand can be dangerous!" said Link. "You'd better dispose of that!" said Link.  
Jigglypuff threw the arrow and the spear straight in front of her.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hey look, Mario and Luigi are asleep!" said Kirby, eating a few cows.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Uh, next time: don't throw it at people," said Link. "NO! DON'T STAB YOURSELF! STOP! Okay, throw it at the Mario bros. BUT DON'T SLOW US DOWN!"

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Look, down the hill is Link and Jigglypuff!" shouted Zelda.  
Samus and Zelda sprinted down the hill, pushing Link and Jigglypuff aside.  
"Get off the road, old deranged ladies!" screamed Link, waving his fist above his head.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hi, we'd like a taxi!" said Kirby. "Okay, it's arriving now? Thanks!"  
A taxi appeared right in front of them. Samus and Zelda ran down the hill, diving for the taxi.  
"Our taxi!" screamed Samus, jumping over Kirby and Yoshi, grabbing the door.  
"Hey, it was our taxi first!" said Kirby.  
"Nuh-uh sister," said Zelda. "We saw it first!"  
"Hello? We called the taxi!" said Kirby.  
"You havin' a go at me yo'?" asked Samus.  
"Yeah, you pathetic street-person impersonator!" said Kirby.  
"Bring it on bih!" screamed Zelda.  
Kirby ran over to the door and looked at the taxi driver.  
"Would you rather have me and Yoshi, the ones who booked the taxi in the taxi, or would you rather have that aggressive weird team in your taxi?" asked Kirby.  
"The latter," laughed Diddy Kong, whose face looked like a mask today. "THE LATTER! IT'S CHOP TIME FOR YOU SAMUS AND ZELDA! VICTORY IS FINALLY MINE!"  
Samus and Zelda looked at each other puzzled, and then stepped into the taxi.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"You must now fly to Yoshi's Island, and find Shy Guy's fruit farm where you will receive your next clue," read Mewtwo.  
"Let's go!" said Ness.  
"Me and Ness really have to be more aggressive. We won the first leg, and from there we haven't been coming close. Sure, fourth is a good spot, but when in the last leg there are four people left, coming fourth won't help you!" said Mewtwo.  
"Look! There are the others!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Here's a taxi!" said Kirby.  
Kirby and Yoshi hopped into the taxi, when they saw Link and Jigglypuff, followed by Ness and Mewtwo.  
"Help!" screamed Link, grabbing Jigglypuff and almost choking her.  
Ness and Mewtwo were really determined to get ahead.  
"Yoshi!" shouted Yoshi. _"Get into our taxi!"  
_"Are you sure about this, Yoshi?" asked Kirby.  
Link threw a bomb at Ness, and then ran into the taxi.

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place  
_Nana grabbed the clue, read it, and ran down the hill.  
"Taxi!" screamed Popo.  
The taxi that Ness and Mewtwo ordered pulled over the curb, and Popo opened the door and got in.  
"Hey! That's our taxi!" screamed Ness.  
"Not anymore! I stole the taxi!" said Nana, poking his tongue out as the taxi drove off.  
"What do you mean?" asked Popo. "I was the one who flagged down the taxi  
and got in!"  
"No, Popo, I stole the taxi," boasted Nana.  
"How can I stand being with you?" asked Popo.  
"Because I can kill you!" said Nana.  
"Of course," said Popo quickly.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Those people are sure pathetic shrimps!" said Samus. "We deserved the taxi."  
"Oh yes," said the suspicious taxi driver in a charming, witty tone. "But we're going to pull over now!"  
"What's happening?" asked Zelda.  
"This is a 12 mg dose of shwanicillim in an injection, which will make you depressed," said Lu- uh… Lu-taxi driver. "It will make you depressed, and slowly rot away your body, until you finally die. Why did I trust you Samus? All we were trying to get in front of you, and now my shoulder is dislocated, and it hurts like hell. After I inject you Samus with this lethal dose of shwanicillim the monkey on my back will stop bugging me, and I will be the person to kill Samus! AFTER I INJECT THIS NEEDLE AND PUSH IT INTO YOUR BODY, HOLD IT FOR EIGHT SECONDS, YOU WILL COLLAPSE ON THE FLOOR AND START SPEAKING GERMAN AND THEN YOU WILL DIE-A!" Luigi cackled evilly.  
"Eight seconds?" said Zelda.  
"No more, no less," said Luigi.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Jig Ig Iggly?" asked Jigglypuff. _"What's that?"  
_"Oh, it looks like a man in a gorilla suit with a needle injected in him for eight seconds, and he seems to be muttering German," said Kirby, looking in front of him.  
The car ran over Luigi, and Kirby looked back.  
"And now he's rotting away, and he appears to be dead!" said Kirby.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"And look, it's the annual '567,256,142,338 elephants marching down this road' parade!" said Zelda. "I wonder if Luigi knows."  
"He knows," said Samus, looking out of the window.  
  
_Ganondorf and Young Link  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Look what I did last night!" said Ganondorf.  
"What, a dog?" asked Young Link.  
"No, close, I made cat shaped cookies, which make people pass out if they try it!" said Ganondorf. "Sounds good Young Link?"  
Ganondorf looked at Young Link, who passed out on the ground.  
"Now why did I know that was going to happen?" asked Ganondorf.  
Young Link woke up.  
"Because you hit me with a baseball bat 80 times?" asked Ganondorf.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Peach, I'm running for Governor of California! So when the film crew are filming us, I want you to talk about how good I am!" whispered Bowser, reading the clue. "You have to talk about the nice things I've done in this race."  
"Hi, I'm Bowser! I'm a nice guy! I donated a million dollars to the Congo Jungle orphanage! Do you want a really bad, mean leader running your state? Or do you want Bowser! Now I interview Peach, a person that has not been influenced by me in anyway!" said Bowser, smiling.  
"Hi, I'm Peach! Before I was fat, dumb and ugly, but after I ate 122 cans of canned fruit, I'm fat as ever! I joined a weight loss program, and now I can hear out of my va-" said Peach, before having her mouth covered by Bowser.  
_  
Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"You must now fly to Yoshi's Island, and find Shy Guy's fruit farm where you will receive your next clue," read Falcon.  
"Come on! Let's try to get better than 2nd Last place!" said Donkey Kong.  
"Hey, has it ever occurred to you that we come 2nd last every time, and then we eventually- GAAAHH!" screamed Falcon. "What was that!"  
"Falcon, I think that was the electric shock collar!" said DK. "I felt it too!"  
_Who could've done such a horrible thing? Tune in next time to find out!_

THE END

Falcon and DK won the million dollars.

Really.

Please?

Okay, fine then.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"There's the airport!" said Kirby.  
Kirby grabbed Yoshi, threw money to the taxi driver, and then ran out.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Come on! Kirby and Yoshi just ran out!" said Link.  
"Jig Ig Iggly Jig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Are you the magical cherry?"  
_"Jigglypuff, I think you're hallucinating. I'm thinking that you're hallucinating about the magical cherry again!" said Link.  
"**_Jigglypuff… I'm… the magical cherry…_**" said the magical cherry.  
"Jigglypuff, you're not going to achieve things in life if you listen to a magical cherry, it's not real. If you don't do something about it, your life will crash and burn, and before you know it, you'll have nothing left! Stop listening to it, and get in the airport!" said Link, with a harsh tone.  
"**_Jigglypuff, you're not going to achieve things in life if you… don't… burn… the airport…_**" said the wise cherry.  
"Jig Ig Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Yes, wise master."_  
"You just grossly misheard what I said, didn't you? And you're going to kill Pikachu or something. Don't! Listen. To. Each. Word. That. Your. Friend. Link. Says. Understand?"  
"**_And… kill… your friend… Link… understand?_**"  
Jigglypuff nodded happily. She pointed to Link's sword.  
"You want my sword?" said Link. "Okay. It can't hurt."

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Oh goddess!" said Zelda in disgust. "Link is lying in a pool of blood! Link! My saviour!"  
"Right," said Samus. "You worry about 'friends' and 'values' and 'ethics' and I'll get the million dollars."  
"Okay," said Zelda.  
"And you won't be able to beat up certain people," added Samus.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
_Fortunately for Jigglypuff, a mysterious woman in pink threw a dagger at Link before he could get back up. Her mission was accomplished!

_Samus and Zelda_  
"That was a waste of a dagger," said Zelda.  
"Yeah, you… idiot," muttered Samus.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place_  
"If we run straight for that giant cannon," said Ness, "we'll be able to beat Kirby and Yoshi to the clue!"  
"We won't!" said Mewtwo. "That dead body is in our way; we'll lose **5 seconds**!"  
"Let's use our psychokinetic powers to throw the elf into that convenient pit of piranhas!" suggested Ness as they ran.  
They did.  
**TEAM POWER!**

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in a bad, bad place  
_But then a sudden plot inconsistency made them get a bonus life after Link pressed the continue button.

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"If we win the million dollars, what should we do with it?" asked Popo.  
"What do you mean, we?" asked Nana. "I've done all the work here! When we're at home, I have to do all the cleaning, the ironing, the washing up, and the laundry! I always do the work!"  
"Well, actually I do the ironing the washing up and the laundry, and when I ask you to do the cleaning up, you just throw a plate of china at the floor!" said Popo, angrily.  
"Well, you get the point, I've done all the team work here!" said Nana.  
"No, I don't get the point!" said Popo.  
"Well you're the one who's been delaying us!" screamed Nana.  
"Actually, not really, remember those 10 minutes you wasted before we departed last leg because you wanted to shout at Falcon and Donkey Kong?" asked Popo. "And remember 5 minutes ago, when we arrived at the airport, but you insisted that I had to be tied to the chair, and we had to stay and argue!"  
"You could have got out of the knot!" said Nana.  
"Well, you would've punched me!"  
"You could've ducked!"  
"But then you would drive a saw into my neck! See the scar from the operation trying to get out?" screamed Popo.  
In the light of the full moon, Nana transformed into **Were-Killer Bear**, Slayer of Men!

$**+AD BREAK TIME+$  
**_"See back there? That was just another happy couple from happy dating™! Do you want to be in a heavenly relationship like those two love birds? Then call 1-800-COUPLES-FROM-HELL, the phone line for someone that wants to be in a heavenly relationship!" said a female speaker.  
_$**+END AD BREAK TIME+$**

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hi, I'd like a ticket to Yoshi's Island!" said Kirby. "Okay, Shy Guy Air at 7:45 AM?"  
_Kirby and Yoshi  
On 1st Shy Guy Air Flight  
_  
_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hi, can I have a flight to Yoshi's Island?" asked Link, as Jigglypuff found out how to open a giant can of gasoline. "7:45 AM? Okay.  
_Link and Jigglypuff  
On 1st Shy Guy Air Flight  
_Link looked at Jigglypuff spreading gasoline around the airport floor really fast, and then went into shock.  
"Jigglypuff! Don't do that!" said Link. "It's not safe to spread gasoline around. You better find a way of disposing it!"  
"That's right," said George Poker, spokesman for the gasoline safety company. "You should dispose of it quickly, or pour out all of the content, because that barrel is filling a lot of airport space, which makes less space for passengers to walk on. You better do something quickly about it!" said Link.  
"**_Now make sure to put an explosive on runway,_**" said the cherry.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Darn," said Ness, wrapping a bandage around his arm. "We couldn't get through to Yoshi's Island."  
"Hi, I'd like two tickets to Yoshi's Island," said Mewtwo.  
_Ness and Mewtwo  
On 1st Shy Guy Air Flight_

Samus and Zelda  
On 2nd Shy Guy Air Flight (At 8:15)  
"Hey, let's hope that we're on the first flight."

_Nana and Popo  
On 2nd Shy Guy Air Flight  
_"Look what you did! You made us get on the second flight!" screamed Nana.  
"Maybe if you didn't bash me up against that wall for a quarter of an hour!" said Popo, touching a bruise on his head.

_Peach and Bowser  
On 3rd Shy Guy Air Flight (At 8:40)  
_"Heh, that was lucky Bowser! I almost encountered the fairy genie! But then I realised that… you?" asked Peach. "It's the wise cherry!"  
"**_Peach… set the runway on fire…_**"

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 7th Place  
_Last Time: Someone used the electric shock collar on Falcon and Donkey Kong. Who could it be?  
"It was me," said Master Hand.  
Alas, the case was close, the fiend and the scoundrel found out.  
"Hi, Can we have tickets to Yoshi's Island?" asked Falcon.  
_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
On 3rd Shy Guy Air Flight (At 8:40)_

Young Link and Ganondorf  
On 4th Shy Guy Air Flight (At 9:50)  
"Darn it!" said Ganondorf. "Now who am I going to give these cookies to?"  
_  
_"Kirby and Yoshi, Link and Jigglypuff and Ness and Mewtwo are on the 7:45 AM Shy Guy Air Flight, which will arrive at 9:55 AM, local time. Samus and Zelda and Nana and Popo are on the 8:15 AM flight, which arrives at 10:25 AM local time. Peach and Bowser and Falcon and Donkey Kong are on the 8:40 AM flight, which will arrive at 10:50 AM. And Young Link and Ganondorf are on the last flight, at 9:50 AM, which will arrive at 12:05 PM, which will make them over four hours behind the first flight!" said Master Hand.

_Peach and Bowser  
_"Hey, I'm going to have a smoke!" said Peach, lighting a cigarette.  
"But you never smoke!" said Bowser.  
"Once I tried to smoke Donkey Kong, but he tasted like faeces!" said Peach.  
"Those were your faeces, Peach!" screamed Donkey Kong.  
"True!" said Peach, throwing the cigarette out of the window, causing the whole airport to engulf in flames.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
_Jigglypuff stared in wonder as the GREAT CHERRY'S flames descended upon the airport and created a fondue.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Aah! Fire!" said Young Link.  
Ganondorf ran up to a person that worked for Shy Guy Air.  
"Is there a flight leaving anywhere?" asked Ganondorf.  
"A flight is leaving right now, to Mushroom Kingdom!" screamed the airport worker, before they got separated by a line of flames.  
"This has got to be the worst day!" said Ganondorf. "We come to the airport last, and now we're going to Mushroom Kingdom, and we're trying to book a ticket from there!"

"Young Link and Ganondorf are flying to Mushroom Kingdom, where they must try and book a flight to Yoshi's Island to get back on task!" said Master Hand.

_Flight 1  
Arriving at 9:55 AM_

Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
"Okay, let's get out of here!" shouted Kirby, dragging Yoshi out of the plane.  
Kirby and Yoshi ran out of the airport with their hand luggage, and ran in front of a taxi.  
"Kirby and Yoshi! What a pleasant surprise! MWAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!" said the suspicious-looking Shy Guy.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hey Link, Jigglypuff, here's a great taxi for you!" shouted Kirby, outside the airport.  
"Oh, thanks Kirby," said Link.  
"Thanks Kirby," said Falco, taking out a knife… not that it was actually Falco, it was… oh… I'm too old for this job.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Hey, look, there's a cab!" said Mewtwo, pointing at a yellow taxi.  
"Hey, excuse me, we were taking that one!" said Kirby, loading his bags in the back of the taxi. "Actually, you can take that!"  
"No, actually, I insist that you go in that cab!" said Ness, looking **a bit** alarmed at the sight of a taxi driver taking out a knife.  
"Yoshi hup!" said Yoshi. _"Don't worry! He won't take your life!"  
_"Yeah!" said Kirby, nodding quickly.  
"No, really," said Mewtwo, pushing Kirby and Yoshi into the cab.  
"Ah! Here's a taxi!" said Ness.  
Using their psychic powers, they created a wonderous flying carpet and save the kingdom.  
Back to the story, now.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hi, I've got a secret for you!" said the taxi driver.  
"What is it?" asked Link.  
"Jig Ig Jiggly?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Is it a muffin?"  
_"No! Just close your eyes, and let me inject this death syringe into you!" said Falco.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Uh… Mario… what are you trying to do to us?" asked Kirby.  
"Oh-a! I just-a thought we would be-a friends you know-a!" said Mario. "Here-a! Have a non-tampered at all pizza!" said Mario.  
Kirby looked amazed in hunger, while Yoshi looked at the rainbow of pills dropped on top of the pizza.  
"No! No!" screamed Yoshi.  
"Here! You should try!" said Kirby, shoving a piece into Yoshi's mouth.  
"Mmm… drugged pizza…" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"That did taste nice!"  
_"You should feel the effect in **three** seconds…" said Mario, grinning evilly.  
**  
30 seconds later…**

"Do you feel anything?" asked Mario.  
"Can I have more?" said Kirby, licking his lips.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Well, Falco, it was nice of you to drop by, but… we have to go to an important conference!" said Link.  
Link opened the door on the dirt road, and jumped on top of Kirby and Yoshi's taxi while holding Jigglypuff, and then jumped in.  
"Hi Kirby! Hi Yoshi!" said Link. "Who's the driver?" whispered Link quietly.  
"Mario!" replied Kirby.  
"Well, Mario, it was nice of you to drop by, but I just need to stretch my legs now!" said Kirby, winding down the window, jumping onto Ness and Mewtwo's carpet.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Um… yeah… my bones are aching… so I'll just step out now!"  
_Yoshi jumped into Ness and Mewtwo's carpet.  
"Um… bye!" said Link, jumping onto Ness and Mewtwo's flying carpet.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Well, here's the fruit farm!" said Link, jumping off the carpet.  
"Yeah," said Kirby, running out of the carpet, with Yoshi, while Ness and Mewtwo tried to make sense of it all.  
**Note: You don't actually have to make sense out of this story. Hoogiman apologises as the last few paragraphs was written by a dominant green hobgoblin who took over his home.  
**NO! IT'S A LY! TERE R NO GOLBNS!  
****

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Jig!" said Jigglypuff, pulling an envelope out of the box. _"Road Block!"  
_"Who's feeling a bit fruity?" read Link.  
_  
_"Road Block!" said Master Hand. "In each road block, one member from each team must complete a set task!  
"In this Road Block, teams must take a bunch of grapes from one of these trees, and make a fruit necklace using them! They must loop at least 20 grapes in the necklace! If a grape bursts, an official will take three grapes away from the necklace. This task will take fine hands, and a lot of patience!"

"Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"I'll do it!"  
_"Are you sure?" asked Link.  
"Jig Iggly Jig! Ig?" said Jigglypuff. _"I just need a bit of alcohol to make my hands a bit loose! Do you have any?"  
_"Do I?" asked Link. "I have heaps in my backpack! Here, take any of these bottles!"  
Link looked at the camera and smiled.  
"Not that I'm an alcoholic!" said Link hastily. "Not! Alcoholic!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Yoshi, you should do it! You know how tempted I am by fruit?" asked Kirby.  
"Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"Very tempted?"  
_"Look there!" said Kirby, pointing behind Yoshi's back.  
Yoshi turned around then turned back.  
"Yoshi, Yoshi?" said Yoshi. _"Hey, where did that tree go?"_

Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
"I guess I'll do it," said Ness, quickly getting to work.

_Flight 2  
Arriving at 10:25 AM  
_  
_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Let's go!" said Samus.  
"Samus and I really need to try and get to the front of the pack more! We've been hanging behind a lot, and we really need to start off first in one leg!" said Zelda.

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place  
_Nana lunged her hand luggage on Popo and ran to the taxi ranks.  
"Taxi!" screamed Nana. "Ah! Here's one!"  
"Excuse me," said Zelda. "That's our taxi."  
"No it isn't. We saw it first!" said Nana.  
"Then how did our luggage end up in the boot of the taxi?" asked Zelda.  
"I don't know! Maybe you're a big b1#!" said Nana. "I'm getting in!"  
"No, actually we were already getting into the taxi, until Mrs. Mental came and tried to take an occupied taxi!" said Samus.  
Samus and Zelda stepped in the taxi and drove away.  
"Well, that's rude!" said Nana. "Who would want to be even related to her?"  
"It could be worse," said Popo, trying to hold up Nana's heavy backpack.

_Jigglypuff  
Grapes: 2  
_"Jigglypuff, great job!" said Link. "Hey Kirby, stop tickling me! Hey, stop tickling me! Stop it! You're killing me!"  
"**_Jigglypuff… Kill… me…_**" said the wise cherry.  
"Jig…" said Jigglypuff. _"Yes master…"_

Ness  
Grapes: 5  
"Ness, great job!" said Mewtwo. "Going well!"  
"Yeah, we're doing it quicker than everyone else!" said Ness.

_Yoshi  
Grapes: 4  
_"Great work, Yoshi!" said Kirby, who ran back to look at Yoshi. "That's it! You're going great! 5! 6! Oh! Here are the others!"

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"I'll do it!" said Nana. "See, look? It's easy! I've already done one!"  
"Good going, Nana!" said Popo.  
"Here, give those grapes for Kirby to hold!" said Nana.  
"But Kirby? Isn't he…" asked Popo.  
"JUST DO IT! JUST SHUT UP AND DO IT!" said Nana.  
"Kirby… hold these for me…" said Popo, putting them in Kirby's hands.  
"Mmm… free grapes…" said Kirby, eating them up.  
Popo looked back at Kirby, and looked in shock.  
"Look Nana! He just ate our grapes!" said Popo, angrily.  
"WHO?" asked Nana.  
"Kirby! The one you asked me to give the grapes to!" said Popo.  
"WHY DID YOU NEED TO GIVE THE GRAPES TO KIRBY?" asked Nana, shouting.  
"BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO!" said Popo.  
"Gosh, there's no need to shout!" said Nana.  
"I hate you Nana! I hate you Nana!" shouted Popo.  
Nana started crying. "You blame _everything_ on me. Everything!"  
"Lies!" accused Popo.  
"LIE THIS!" said Nana, revealing the SMG she had snuck past Customs.

_Zelda  
Grapes: 0  
_"Samus, I'll do it!" said Zelda.  
"What's that noise?" said Samus. "Sounds like a machine gun."  
"No, that's a guy screaming for mercy."  
"Come to think of it, isn't that the sound of a demented psycho chick?"

_Flight 3  
10:50 AM  
_  
_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Me and Falcon booked a taxi back in Congo Jungle, so we'll already have a fast taxi driver to get us to the next clue!" said Falcon.  
Falcon and Donkey Kong ran into the taxi.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 7th Place  
_"Come on Peach, let's go!" said Bowser.  
Peach and Bowser ran into the taxi.  
"Now Peach, do your campaign ad!" said Bowser.  
The cameraman pointed on Peach.  
"Hello, I'm Peach! I think you should vote for Bowser, because yesterday I tried to microwave peas in the oven, but they were still frozen, I microwaved them for about twenty seconds and then when I ate them, they tasted like peanut butter on toast with jam and donkey brain! And that's my report on the Grand Canyon!" said Peach.  
Bowser looked weirdly and then smiled happily.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Hi, can we have tickets to Yoshi's Island?" asked Ganondorf.  
"Okay, we have tickets for you! The flight will take twenty minutes!" said the guy at the desk.  
"We still might have a tiny bit of luck," said Young Link.

_Jigglypuff  
Grapes: 20  
_"Great work Jigglypuff!" said Link, taking the clue from a Shy Guy.

"Teams must now search this fruit field for their next clue," said Master Hand.

"Jiggly!" said Jigglypuff. _"Just wait, um… I need to talk to a friend!"  
_"That's okay, Jigglypuff! I'll just toss an apple around," said Link. "We have to search all of that tall field, and try to find a clue. Oh look! It's Falcon and Donkey Kong! You know, I think I should give Zelda's racquet back to Peach. She's going to go nuts; maybe kill me if I don't give it back!"  
"**_That's okay Jigglypuff! …Just toss an apple… to… Falcon and Donkey Kong…'s… nuts…_**" said the wise magical cherry.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Here's the road block!" said Donkey Kong, opening the clue. "Who's feeling fruity?"  
"Oh, I do! I do all the time!" said Falcon.  
"They're talking about actual fruit, Falcon!" said Donkey Kong.  
"Oh," said Falcon. "OW! What was that for? I'm going to kill you Jigglypuff!"  
Falcon and DK chased after Link and Jigglypuff into the fruit field.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Quickly! Run!" said Link.  
"Jig Ig Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Hide behind this clue box!"  
_"Hey, where are they?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"I dunno," said Falcon. "Let's go back!"  
Falcon and Donkey Kong walked back to the road block, but then got lost, and wandered aimlessly a lot.  
"Jig Iggly Jig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Where is the clue box?"  
_"I don't know!" said Link, leaning on the clue box.  
"Hmm…" said Jigglypuff, tapping her hand on the clue box.  
"Hey look! Sky writing!" said Link, still feeling the **clue box**.  
"Jig… Jig… Ig… Jig…" read Jigglypuff. _"Y-O-U-'R-E…"  
_"Leaning… on… the… clue box…" read Link, leaning on the **clue box**.  
"Jig! Iggly Puh Jig Iggly Jig!" said Jigglypuff, accidentally taking a clue out of the clue box. _"Oh! What a co-incidence."  
_Link looked back up at the sky writing.  
"Yes… that's you… Link… the clue box… is right… behind you!" said Link, turning around.  
"Well shucks, it is!" said Link. "Come on! Let's see."  
"Ig Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Detour!"  
_"Hit or Miss?" said Link. (He was reading the clue, by the way.)

"Detour! Each team must decide between performing two tasks!" said Master Hand. "In this detour… Hit or Miss!  
"In Hit, teams must walk 500 metres to this dirt road out the back, and try to throw a piece of fruit at a target which has an egg inside it! Once each member of each team throws fruit at the target and hits it, they will receive their next clue! This task may seem easy, but since they must throw it from eight metres, the task might be hard!  
"In Miss, teams must survive for three minutes in an enclosed cage. This seems easy, except that there is a rabid Shy Guy with a big stick trying to kill them. As an added incentive, if the Shy Guy's stick hits someone, it activates _all_ shock collars that anyone might be wearing, and the clock will reset!  
And yes, I know that DK and Falcon will get shocked when _anyone_ gets hit, but that's part of the excitement! After three minutes, the Shy Guy will be squashed by a large egg containing the next clue!"

"Let's do Miss!" said Link.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Grapes: 19  
_"Come on! One more!" said Kirby.  
Yoshi put a thread through the last grape, and received the clue.  
_Kirby and Yoshi  
Second to finish Road Block_

Ness and Mewtwo  
Third to finish Road Block  
"Ness, you do realise that you can't take that rake?" asked Mewtwo.  
"Oh…" said Ness, dropping the rake somewhere.

_Falcon  
Grapes: 2  
_"Quickly!" said Falcon. "Let's do this Road Block!"  
Falcon ran over to the Road Block, and started to finely push the grapes through the pin.

_Zelda  
Grapes: 15  
_"Hey Zelda, I wonder what this button does?" asked Samus, winking.  
"Oh, I wonder what?" asked Zelda, winking back.  
"Let's just press and find out!" said Samus.  
"HA HA HA!" said Samus, pressing the button.  
"GAAH!" screamed Donkey Kong.  
"Oh no!" cried Zelda. "What did mean ol' Samus do to you?" asked Zelda, in her cutie baby voice. "You are never going to get hurt!"  
Zelda hugged Donkey Kong.  
"Are you sure you don't like Donkey Kong?" asked Samus, smiling.  
"No!" screamed Zelda, smacking Donkey Kong. "Oh, what have I done! What have I done? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-HOH-HOOOOOH-HOOOOOH-FALCONANDDKWINTHERACE-NOOOO-HOH-HOH-OOOOOOGH!"

_Nana  
4th to Finish Road Block  
_"Look! I did it!" said Nana. "And I did it without your help!"  
"Well, actually I did 18 of those grapes, and those two you did, you were just holding your hands…" said Popo, who suddenly was stopped by an iron Bar.

_Samus and Zelda  
5th to Finish Road Block  
_"…OOOOOHOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOO!" screamed Zelda.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
½ Completed Hit  
_"Yoshi, I've hurled my fruit at the egg, now you have to, and we'll get the clue!" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"This should be easy."  
_  
_Link and Jigglypuff  
2:13  
_"Jigglypuff! Just roll out of the way!" said Link. "Jigglypuff!"  
Jigglypuff ran right next to the Shy Guy.  
"And now you die, Jigglypuff…" said Falco.  
A Shy Guy came in, whistling, pushed Falco out of the cage.  
The Shy Guy said some random gibberish. _"Oh what do you know! Look at the time! Here's your clue!"  
_"Jig!" said Jigglypuff, stepping out of the cage on an injured Falco, followed by Link, who dropped his sword on Falco.

"Teams must now walk twenty metres or three hundred and eighty metres to 'Yoshi's hut', a resort, where the pit stop for this leg of the race is. Warning, the last team to arrive, **may** be eliminated!" said Master Hand.

"Quickly!" said Link. "We have to get there as fast as we can!"  
Link ran into the hut, and stepped on the world map.  
"Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number one!" said Master Hand. "And some good news, you win a trip to Aqua Star, the resort centre of the Nintendo world!"  
"Wow, thanks!" said Link. "Now we can go into the resort and we can check out the pool and everything! When I'm sleeping, I know we'll be a head, and I hope we'll have another killer leg. Me and Jigglypuff are prepared to win!" said Link.  
"Good on you!" said Master Hand.  
"**_When I'm sleeping… kill me…_**" said the cherry.  
"Jig Ig Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Okay, I'll obey you o' great cherry!"  
_"Has Jigglypuff been drinking?" asked Master Hand.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Great, Yoshi! Just great! You've been trying this for ten minutes now!" said Kirby. "And now Samus and Zelda, and Ness and Mewtwo have showed up!"  
"Yoshi!" screamed Yoshi. Yoshi threw an egg, and got the target.  
Kirby grabbed the clue and started to run, when he saw Samus and Zelda finish the detour.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Get em!" said Samus. "They're in first place!"  
Samus ran up to Yoshi, and tackled him, while Zelda tripped up Kirby.  
"Hey!" screamed Kirby, inhaling Samus's helmet while running, and spat it over there.  
"We gotta get my helmet!" said Samus, dragging Zelda along. "Hey! Hey! Leave it alone! Hey! Don't play soccer with it!"  
Samus got her phaser gun, and shot at the Shy Guys, and then put her helmet back on.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Come on!" said Kirby, running into 'Yoshi's hut'.  
"Kirby and Yoshi, you are team number two!" said Master Hand. "And come on in! Samus and Zelda. You are team number three!"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
½ completed Hit  
_"Yeah!" said Mewtwo, hitting his target. "Oh look! It's Nana and Popo! Quickly get it, Ness!"  
Ness piffed a watermelon at the target, and hit it.  
"Come on!" said Ness, taking the clue.

_Ganondorf and Young Link  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Come on! Young Link!" said Ganondorf. "Taxi!"

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place  
_Popo threw an apple at the target, when Nana jumped up and stopped it.  
"Why did you do that?" asked Popo. "It was going at the target!"  
"No it didn't!" said Nana.  
"Then why did you do it?" asked Popo.  
"Because…" said Nana.  
"Look there!" said Popo.  
Nana turned around, and Popo hit the target.  
"HEY! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" asked Nana.  
"Because we want to win?" asked Popo.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Ness and Mewtwo, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.  
"Well, we really wanted to finish one or two places higher," said Mewtwo. "But at least we're still in the race!"

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Hey, here's the pit stop!" said Nana.  
"I'm glad you're not angry anymore over that stupid thing!" laughed Popo.  
"I STILL AM!" screamed Nana.  
"Nana and Popo, you are team number five!" said Master Hand.

_Peach and Bowser  
6th to complete Road Block  
_"Yay!" said Peach.  
"Come on! Let's go!" said Bowser.  
"Here's the clue!" said Peach, who appeared over at the clue box, and then appeared back to Bowser.  
"Why can't you do that normally?" asked Bowser.  
"Detour!" said Peach.  
"Let's do miss!" said Bowser.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Look! There's still Falcon and Donkey Kong!" said Young Link.  
"Quickly!" said Ganondorf, opening a clue. "It's a road block!"

_Falcon and DK  
Grapes: 18  
_"We've lost grapes 23 times, because people keep on zapping us. If we could just put on two more!" said DK.  
"Yes!" said Falcon, getting the clue.

_Peach and Bowser  
_"Peach, you have to run away from the Shy Guy!" said Bowser. "He's not your friend! We just have to do it for three minutes!"  
"But the bees, Bowser, the bees!" said Peach.  
"Come on, Peach, dodge!" said Bowser. "It's been thirty seconds! Just five more of that!"

_Falcon and DK  
_"Me and Donkey Kong thought we were done for, but we had a ray of hope, seeing Young Link and Ganondorf getting out of the taxi!" said Falcon.  
"We did hit, because we thought it would be easy!" said DK.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Last to finish Road Block  
_"Come on! Let's do it!" screamed Ganondorf.

_Peach and Bowser  
Time: 2:57  
_"Three more seconds!" said Bowser. "Yes!"  
Peach and Bowser ran over to the pit stop.  
"Peach and Bowser, you are team number one!" said Peach.  
"Are you okay Peach?" asked Master Hand.  
"WE CAME FIRST! WE CAME FIRST!" said Peach, jumping with joy.  
Master Hand sighed, and then started to talk.  
"Peach and Bowser, you are team number one, and you get to stay in this resort for the night!" said Master Hand.  
"Wow! A resort!" said Peach. "I love resorts! They remind me of apples! Once I played a ukulele at my friend's wedding, but I remembered it wasn't my wedding, so I ate the wedding cake, and ran for the hills in Honolulu!" Master Hand and Bowser made cardboard cut-outs of themselves, and stuck the cut-outs and Peach in a room behind them.  
"And that's why quality eco-grooming is like eating a pizza!" said Peach.

_Falcon and DK  
Half Done  
_"Me and Young Link are done, and I think one team is going to be eliminated, so I'm trying to get Donkey Kong to finish up quickly, so we can try and get third or second last!" said Falcon.  
"YEAH!" screamed Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong and Falcon ran off the road, and started heading for the pit stop. But moments later, Young Link and Ganondorf got the clue, and charged towards them.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Let's go!" said Ganondorf, sprinting towards Falcon and Donkey Kong. Falcon and DK saw Ganondorf charging towards them, so Falcon started to reach in his handbag for items, and threw out a comb, a teddy bear, eyeliner, lip gloss, and…  
"LIP STICK!" said Falcon, running.  
Falcon smeared lip stick in Ganondorf's eyes, so Young Link stopped.  
"You have lip stick, lip gloss and eyeliner?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"Uh… here's the finish line!" said Falcon.

"Falcon and Donkey Kong, you are team number seven, and come on in, Young Link and Ganondorf!" said Master Hand. "I'm sorry to tell you this, Young Link and Ganondorf, but you have been eliminated from the race. I also have some bad news, Falcon and Donkey Kong, you will have to take off your electric shock collars."  
"Wait, how is that bad news?" asked Falcon.  
"Thing about it," said Master Hand's

"Well, we had some fun, I poisoned a few people, I almost made Young Link evil, but I think that the race ended for us, when the airport blew up, and we had to go to mushroom kingdom. Too bad," said Ganondorf.  
"Well, I didn't actually ever want to spend time with him, with all that dragging and stuff and…"  
**Uh… Ad Break Time…**

"Hello! There's all these new features in these automatic knives!" said a TV presenter.  
"Who wants an automatic knife?" asked a woman.  
"Uh… Thank you for your time…" said the presenter, smiling.

**Finish Times:**

Link and Jigglypuff- 1:55 PM  
Kirby and Yoshi- 2:02 PM  
Samus and Zelda- 2:03 PM  
Ness and Mewtwo- 2:07 PM  
Nana and Popo- 2:14 PM  
Peach and Bowser- 2:23 PM  
Falcon and DK- 2:30 PM  
**Y Link and Ganondorf- 2:31 PM- ELIMINATED  
**  
Please R/R, and share with us who you think is going to win, who you want to win and your favourite part of the race/leg.


	7. Leg Seven: Yet More Yoshi's Island

"Last time, on a Smashy Amazing Race, teams went to Yoshi's Island!" said Master Hand. "Peach and Jigglypuff blew up the airport, making Young Link and Ganondorf divert their flight to Mushroom Kingdom! Nana and Popo sparked relationship problems, arguing the whole leg! Young Link and Ganondorf went full out, even though there was a big disadvantage for them. At the pit stop, Falcon and Donkey Kong and Young Link and Ganondorf were even near the pit stop, but Falcon hit Ganondorf, which made Falcon and Donkey Kong safe, and Young Link and Ganondorf eliminated.  
"Will front runners Link and Jigglypuff stay on top? Will Nana and Popo's arguments weaken their performance?  
"Now there are only seven teams left, and six legs left. Who will be eliminated next?"

**The Teams:**

Nana and Popo (Passive-aggressive)  
**Link and Jigglypuff** (Happy go-lucky)  
**Kirby and Yoshi** (Digestive-aggressive)  
**Peach and Bowser** (POO! Hehe! Peach? Do you seriously want this to be our title for this leg? IRON! Hehehehehe!)  
**Ness and Mewtwo** (Cranium-aggressive)  
**Samus and Zelda** (Straight aggressive)  
**Falcon and DK** (If Zelda was a guy, then I would be his girl, and he would be my boy, and then we would make beautiful puppies… POO! Hehehehehehhe! Peach! Get off! BUT I WANT WATERMELONS!)

**LEG SEVEN**

"All teams must depart at the same time, at 8:00 AM!" said Master Hand.

_8:00 AM_

Everybody ran out of 'Yoshi's Hut', and grabbed for the clue box, but no one could reach it. People started pushing other people away, and some people retaliated. Bowser punched everyone, including Peach, and then shouted.  
"Stop it! Everyone!" said Bowser, in a high squeaky voice. "Whoops, heh heh, my voice is normally low… not taking pills… to make my voice low… and to enlarge my…"  
Link ran up to the front of the clue box. "Everyone, we should all take turns to get a clue! It isn't the last leg of the race, you know! Actually, at this point none of us are going to win the race if we keep on fighting for it! And… HEY LOOK! A HOTEL! LOOK AT IT FOR THIRTY SECONDS!"  
Link grabbed a clue, got out a saw, sawed at the clue box, and tried to throw it into the nearest ravine, but missed, and hit Donkey Kong's left eyeball.  
"Hey!" said Peach. "He took a clue! I'm calling the truck!"  
Peach got out her pink cell phone, pressed a few keys and then waited, as a large truck full of lard ran over Donkey Kong.  
"Why did you do that?" asked Falcon.  
Peach got out her cell phone, typed in a few keys, and a giant muffin landed on Falcon.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"You must now make your way to 'Shy Guy's Golf Course'," read Link.

"Teams must now go to Shy Guy's Golf Course, home of the Yoshi International, where they must search for hole thirteen. They must then rent clubs from the shack next to the hole, and start to play holes thirteen, fourteen and fifteen. When each team both complete a hole on or under par both players at the same time, they can go to the next hole. When they complete hole number fifteen, they will be given their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"Jigglypuff, are you really going to dump those laxative-laced cookies there?" asked Link.  
"Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Don't worry! It's a national park! We're supposed to dump dangerous goods here!"  
_  
_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hold still DK," said Peach. "I'm just getting the clue box out of your eye very delicately!"  
Peach yanked the clue box out **really delicately**, and injured a stander-by, because of how hard she pulled it out.  
"That's better!" said Peach, taking a clue.  
Peach and Bowser ran down a road following Link and Jigglypuff, when Bowser looked at Peach.  
"Peach, are you sure we need that industrial-strength tennis ball launcher and that rake, and that giant spider web net?" asked Bowser.  
"What if the **_bees_** come back?" asked Peach.  
"Just put it down!" said Bowser.  
"Okay! But if the bees come, you'll be sorry!" said Peach, putting everything down.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Get a clue!" screamed Kirby.  
Yoshi pulled out a clue, and started following the others.  
"We have to play golf!" said Kirby. "Let's turn into that shop!"  
Kirby and Yoshi ran into 'Koopa Golf Shop', and went on a wild shopping spree, and spilt up into three groups with master hand. WILL THEY EVER MAKE IT OUT ALIVE AGAIN! ARE THESE TYPES OF FICS BORING? DO WE NEED TO CAPITALISE OUR TITLES TO MAKE OUR STORIES BETTER? And is it an accidental humour fic?  
"Are you done, Master Hand?" asked Kirby.  
"Sorry," said Master Hand. "I was just stuck in one of those 'Beach Quest' fics."  
"Unfunny, I know," said Kirby.  
"Yes," said Master Hand.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Indeed!"_  
"Definitely not interesting," said Kirby.  
"I agree," said Sonic who then shot himself in the head because he **will never be a Smash Bros character**.  
"Quite frankly, I disagree!" said Mario.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Kirby.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Master Hand.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Yoshi.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Sonic.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Peach.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Falco.  
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Theau Thor.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_Ness and Mewtwo ran along, trailing the others, and then saw a golf cart going along at 10 km/h.  
"Do it?" asked Ness.  
"Let's do it!" said Mewtwo.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 5th Place  
_Zelda grabbed the clue, and spotted Ness and Mewtwo hijacking a low-speed golf cart. Samus saw a taxi pull up next to them.  
"Hi, Samus, Hi Zelda…" said Marth, cracking his knuckles. "I mean, howdy strangers, would you like to get into my taxi?"  
"You're not even trying, anymore Marth," said Zelda.  
"Can't you read? My sign says: EYE EM A SHUY GUY! So there! So you need to hop into my taxi! Humph!" said Marth.  
"You can't fool us, Marth!" said Samus.  
Marth looked sneakingly, and then said, "Oh really, what if I just unzip this costume of myself, and become…"  
Zelda looked in surprise, and Samus looked shock.  
"MARTH!" said Marth. "Haha, I fooled you, didn't I?" Zelda pushed Marth out of the taxi. "You thought you had me there, but you know… I'm actually Marth! HAHAHAHAHA!"  
Samus and Zelda drove off.

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"Let's run!" said Falcon.  
Falcon and DK ran past Samus and Zelda and Ness and Mewtwo.

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Taxi!" screamed Popo.  
"Why do we need a taxi?" asked Nana. "Walking is much faster!"  
"No it isn't!" shouted Popo.  
"Yes it is," said Nana.  
"These taxis can fly, you know, and we'll get there in eight seconds, instead of walking ten minutes!" said Popo.  
"Sure," said Nana. "They can fly!"  
"Yes, they can!" said Popo, angrily.  
"JUST SHUT UP POPO, YOU'RE SO ANNOYING! YOU'RE REALLY ANNOYING AND YOU'RE GETTING ON MY NERVES! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE WITH ME ON THIS RACE? I COULD WIN IT BY MYSELF, BUT NOOO! POPO NEEDS TO TAKE 'SMART CHOICES', LIKE FLYING TAXIS, AND, ROUTES THAT ARE HUNDREDS OF KILOMETRES SHORTER!" screamed Nana.  
"Shut up!" shouted Popo.  
"Now, now," said Nana, "There's no need to shout."  
"But you just shout j…" said Popo.  
"I DON'T CARE! YOU CAN GO AND F…"  
Her next word was drowned out by the engine of the flying taxi, allowing this story to remain PG.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Link walked slowly into the golf course, while dragging Jigglypuff along, who was trying to make a huge divot so she could sell it on EBay, and then spend those dollars making pancakes.  
"Jigglypuff… you're ruining public property!" said Link.  
Jigglypuff fell over face first into the ground, and stopped breathing.  
"Oh no!" screamed Link. "What have I done? Have I killed her?"  
Link looked down at the ground at Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff turned around and then threw a pie into Link's face, and then started giggling again, and then fell back into the ground, and stopped breathing again.  
"I'm fine…" said Link, in a sarcastic angry tone.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"And when the rhinoceros used birth control pills, the baby turned out to be a jelly bean!" said Peach.  
"I know," said Bowser. "You've said that twelve times!"  
"And when the rhinoceros used birth control pills, the baby turned out to be a jelly bean!" said Peach.  
"I KNOW!" said Bowser.  
"I know, how about I stop saying stuff like this, make people underestimate us, then we can finish first every leg, and then we can win the million dollars! How about that?" asked Peach.  
"Wow Peach, did you… did you… say something smart?" asked Bowser.  
"People underestimate me," said Peach. "And when the rhinoceros used birth control pills, the baby turned out to be a jelly bean!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_Kirby and Yoshi were outside the entrance of the golf club, when Kirby saw a stall that caught his eye. Kirby dragged Yoshi along off the course. Kirby looked at the shopkeeper.  
"Hello, customer!" said the shopkeeper.  
"Hi," said Kirby. "Do you have a radio? I only have three dollars, and a credit card."  
"Are you sure you don't want an I-Pad™?" asked the shopkeeper.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"No way! Why would Kirby want an I-Pad™? They cost at least three-hundred dollars!"  
_"Yeah," said Kirby. "Why should I?"  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Wow Kirby, you're starting to become a smart consumer!"  
_"Well, today we have a special, an I-Pad only costs $299.99!" said the shopkeeper.  
"Oooooh!" said Kirby. "I save one cent!"  
"That's right!" said the shopkeeper.  
"Yoshi! Hup herr Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"No way, we're not interested! There is absolutely no way you are going to make us waste our race money on shoddy gadgets!"  
_"Okay, I give up," said the shopkeeper. "I'll make it $299.98 plus tax!"  
"Yoshi? Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Didn't you hear me? No way!"_

Falcon and DK  
Currently in 4th Place  
"Let's do it!" said Donkey Kong.  
"You know you want me to do it," said Falcon.  
"Pardon?" asked DK.  
"YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME TO PLANT THESE SEEDS IN THE GROUND SO WE CAN HAVE A NICE ENVIRONMENT! A NICE ENVIRONMENT LEADS TO NATURAL RESOURCES, SO NATURAL RESOURCES CAN BE USED FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS! AND FUTURE GENERATIONS ARE OUR FUTURE! YOU BELIEVE ME! RIGHT? RIGHT?" screamed Falcon.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Look at the way Donkey Kong beats up Falcon, it makes me soooo hot…" said Zelda, smiling.  
"You… did you…" asked Samus.  
"SO I BETTER TAKE MY JUMPER OFF, SO I CAN HAVE MORE APPROPRIATE ATTIRE, SO I CAN STAY AT THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE? GET IT! TEMPERATURE? JOKE! JOKE!" Zelda laughed maniacally and dived into a bush, crying.

You sick of this joke? Well now, for something completely different…

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"We're not doing much this leg," said Mewtwo.  
"Yes," said Ness.

You sick of this joke? Well now, for something completely different…

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"We're not doing much this leg," said Mewtwo.  
"Yes," said Ness.

You sick of this joke? Well now, for something completely different…

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"We're not doing much this leg," said Mewtwo.  
"Yes," said Ness.

You sick of this joke? Well now, for something completely different…

_OH NOES THE **ZEEB**R**A** ON TEH ROLLER**SKATE**_**s11111**

_Nana and Popo  
Currently in Last Place  
_"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM POPO? YOU'RE WASTING TIME!" said Nana.  
"Well, you're wasting time, by now you could've got the clue…" said Popo.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Hole Thirteen: Try one  
_"Okay Jigglypuff, you have to get this hole in three shots, okay?" asked Link.  
Link stood up, and looked at the Shy Guy supervisor.  
"Okay," said Link.  
Jigglypuff handed Link a golf club, and Link got ready for his shot. Link was just about to hit it, when Jigglypuff let out a giant, high pitched squeal, making Link hit it only a few metres.  
"Okay Jigglypuff, your shot…" said Link, angrily.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Peach and Bowser walked up to hole thirteen and sat down, waiting for Link and Jigglypuff.  
"Hi golf balls, you look fine today! I'll call you Stephanie, and I'll call this one Anna, because Anna is my favourite name, and I'll call this ball Henry, and Henry is my favourite one, because he is a prince, and he would want to marry a princess like me!"  
Peach turned around and looked at Bowser.  
"Bowser, what are you doing?" asked Peach.  
"Uh… die golf balls!" screamed Bowser in a faked tone.  
Bowser banged his fists on the balls a few times. Peach turned around to the opposite direction of Bowser.  
"What have I done?" cried Bowser. "I'm a monster!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Cool, an I-Pad!" said Kirby. "Now all I need to do is install the twelve disc software onto my computer, install USB, download some songs that I like, realise that it doesn't work, buy a patch for the I-Pad software, realise that I've got the wrong operating system for the patch, re-order the patch, re-order the re-order of a patch because the disc was smashed during shipping, install the re-ordered, re-ordered patch, install all twelve discs again, re-install USB, install I-Pad Tunes, realise that the only songs that work come from the I-Pad Tunes stall, order some songs, order a patch so that the patch that I installed can read the songs, buy the songs and download them, transfer them over to the I-Pad, then try and play it, but need some batteries, so I just need to get some batteries!"  
"Yoshi…" said Yoshi sarcastically. _"Sounds easy, doesn't it?"_  
"Yay!" said Kirby, jumping around in circles happily.

_9:05 AM_

Link and Jigglypuff  
Hole thirteen: Try 5  
Link putted the ball into the hole to get a birdie. Link picked up the ball, and walked back to the tee where it was Jigglypuff's turn.  
"Jigglypuff, it's your turn, you need to get it in three shots or less!" said Link.  
Jigglypuff picked up the putter.  
"No! Jigglypuff!" screamed Link.  
Jigglypuff putted the ball off the tee. It went about two metres. Jigglypuff clapped and giggled. Link smacked his face.  
Jigglypuff picked up the putter again, and tried to do a snooker shot onto the green. It went about a metre. Jigglypuff clapped in excitement. Link was excited to kill Jigglypuff.  
Jigglypuff picked up the putter, and using all of her energy, putted it as hard as she could. It went about four metres. Link got out his bob-bomb.  
Jigglypuff picked up the putter again, and smashed it, missing the ball, and making a giant divot, which fell into the hole.  
"She didn't hit it," said the Shy Guy inspector. "It's a Par!"  
_Link and Jigglypuff  
Finished hole thirteen  
_  
_Nana and Popo  
Hole thirteen: Try 1  
_"Popo, this is how you hold a golf club," said Nana.  
"Nana, I know how to hold a golf club, I'm the junior Nintendo champion! And besides, you're holding the golf club upside down…" said Popo.  
Popo got out his driver, and whacked the ball. It landed on the green right next to the hole.  
"You're not doing it right!" screamed Nana. Nana ran up to the green, picked up the ball, and piffed it into a sand trap.  
"Why did you do that?" shouted Popo.  
"Because I'm the queen," said Nana.  
Samus walked up to Nana and Popo.  
"You know, you could win this leg if you don't piff the ball, Nana," said Samus.  
Nana whacked Samus with a golf club.

_Samus and Zelda  
Hole thirteen: Try 1  
_Angered by what Nana had done to her team-mate, Zelda pulled her trusty dagger out of her dress. But Nana had a knife of her own!  
While Zelda and Nana fought to the death, Samus threw Popo bodily over to hole eleven and scored a perfect hole in one, with the help of a secret golf mechanism hidden in her suit.  
_Samus and Zelda  
Finished Hole Thirteen_

Kirby and Yoshi  
Hole thirteen: Try 4  
Kirby swung the club and hit it a few centimetres, making him get a bogey.  
"Yoshi her Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Kirby! Stop listening to your I-Pad and concentrate on the race! I've done this hole four times on par!"  
_"But the sound of Bowser singing about his v…" said Kirby who was going to keep on talking, except a nearby truck blocked the sound. "…is so distracting!"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Hole thirteen: Try 6  
_"Ness, if you get that in, we'll finish the hole!" said Mewtwo.  
"Huh," said Falcon. "Nerds suck at sport!" said Falcon.

_10:00 AM… one hour later…_

Falcon and DK  
Hole thirteen: Try 11  
"We're the last team here," said Falcon.  
"You still think nerds suck at sport?" asked Donkey Kong.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Hole fifteen: Try 1  
_"Quickly," said Link. "Samus and Zelda are coming! You have to get this in five shots!"  
Jigglypuff got out the putter, putted the ball, making it roll flat along the ground, roll on top of the water, roll out of the water, into the hole.  
"Completed!" said the Shy Guy.  
Samus and Zelda ran up to Link and Jigglypuff, and looked at the Shy Guy handing Link the clue.  
"Did you just complete this hole?" asked Zelda.  
"Yep, Jigglypuff got a hole in one," said Link.  
"With a putter?" asked Samus.  
"Yep," said Link.  
"Damn uncos," said Samus.  
"Jig puh puff iggly wiggly? Ig jig iggly puh puff!" said Jigglypuff. _"Oh yeah? Well we're uncos, so there!"  
_Jigglypuff fell over, combusted, and formed back together on the Shy Guy's head with a hat on.  
"You now have to travel to Shy Guy Entertainment centre!" said Link.

"Teams must now travel to Shy Guy's entertainment centre by hourly shuttle, where they must find the front entrance where they will find their next clue!" said Master Hand.

Link and Jigglypuff ran out of the golf course, and looked at the shuttle times.  
"10:30!" said Link. "We've got 25 minutes."

_Samus and Zelda  
Hole Fifteen: Try 1  
_"Damn!" said Zelda, as she hit the ball into a sand trap.  
"Try thinking about how much you'd want to hit Donkey Kong. Aggression will make you do wonderful things!" said Samus.  
Zelda tentatively hit the ball.  
"I'm so sorry Donkey Kong," said Zelda, crying.  
"Uh…" said Samus. "…pretend you're hitting… Link?"  
Zelda smashed the ball out of the sand trap, sending it flying into the hole.  
"See?" said Samus. "You just have to let out your frustration, if you don't have a secret golf mechanism in your dress. I wonder why you didn't get aggressive when it was Donkey Kong?"  
…  
Hint.  
Hint.  
cough romance cough  
Hint.  
Hint.  
_OH NOES THE **ZEEB**R**A** ON TEH ROLLER**SKATE**_**s11111  
**Hint.  
cough romance cough

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Hole fifteen: Try 1  
_"Yoshi hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Kirby! If you get this hole in under five shots, we'll finish and you can listen to your I-Pad all you want!"  
_"Ooh! Really?" asked Kirby.  
Kirby drove the ball very quickly which landed in the hole. Kirby took the clue, and then put the I-Pad headphones in his ears.  
"Yoshi…" said Yoshi. _"Kirby, wow, you…"  
_"No!" screamed Kirby, listening peacefully to his I-Pad.  
"Yoshi…" said Yoshi. _"But Kirby, you…"  
_"I said no!" said Kirby.  
Yoshi snatched the clue from Kirby's hands and read it, then dragged Kirby out.

_Shuttle One  
10:30 AM  
_"Link and Jigglypuff, Samus and Zelda and Kirby and Yoshi are on the first bus to Shy Guy's entertainment centre!" said Master Hand.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Hole fourteen: Try 5  
_"Nana and Popo, us and Peach and Bowser are on the second hole, Falcon and DK are still on the first hole, I don't know where the heck the others are, but we've all struggled, though me and Ness have never touched a golf club before, while more than half of them have!" said Mewtwo.  
"Mewtwo, you have to get this in three!" said Ness.  
Falcon and Donkey Kong walked up after finishing the thirteenth hole.  
"Hey, nerds!" said Captain Falcon. "We caught up, so what are you gonna do about it?"  
Mewtwo whacked a hole in one, to get his team to the next hole.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Hole fifteen: Try 1  
_"Wow!" said Ness, clapping. "Two hole in ones in a row!"  
"Wow, we finished. I wonder how those other nerds were going!" said Mewtwo.  
"Don't underestimate your opponents," said Ness.  
"Maybe you're right," said Mewtwo.

_Falcon and DK  
Hole fourteen  
_Donkey Kong missed the ball completely, and swung the ball into Falcon's leg.  
"Heh, monkeys suck at golf!" said Peach.  
"Then why haven't you done hole fourteen?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"Because the sun's too hot!" said Peach, poking her tongue out.  
"There's no reasoning in your argument!" said Donkey Kong.  
"Maybe you're jealous that I'm married to a plumber, another plumber, you and Bowser!"  
"You want a piece of me?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"Well, I could use another spleen," said Peach.  
"You're married, Donkey Kong?" said Falcon. "Damn!"  
"Pardon?" asked DK.  
"Uh… nothing…" said Falcon.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Me and Ness are here, waiting for the 11:30 bus, and we're just hoping no-one will make it!" said Mewtwo.

_11:10 AM  
10:30 Shuttle Arrives  
_  
_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Run!" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi, Yoshi hup yup! Yoshi herr up…" said Yoshi. _"Wow Kirby, It's nice to hear you trying to hurry me up. I guess that over time you've learnt that your I-Pad isn't the on-"  
_Yoshi looked at Kirby, back a few metres, trying to load songs onto his I-Pad. Yoshi grabbed Kirby, forced him to the front of the building, and took a clue.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Detour!"  
_  
"Detour!" said Master Hand. "A detour is when each team has to choose between two tasks. This time, they have to choose between Serve Up, or Serve Down.  
"In serve up, teams must go to the cooking rooms, and serve up a traditional Shy Guyan lamb dish. They must gather all the ingredients, prepare the food, then cook it. This doesn't take any physical strength and should be relatively easy; however, the cooking time is **fifteen minutes**.  
"In serve down, teams must go to the tennis courts, and serve ten serves in a row over 130km/h, faults allowed. Each team member takes five serves each, swapping every serve. This task is physically demanding, but anyone with tennis experience should go through this relatively easily and quickly."

"Yoshi hup?" asked Yoshi. _"What shall we do?"  
_"Serve up, because I like food… not for the I-Pad… really… seriously…" said Kirby.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Link and Jigglypuff jumped off the shuttle, and ran over to the cluebox.  
"Ig Jig Ig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Link, can I vandalise public property?"  
_"Of course! But wait… our money is going into the repair of public property! And when we pay our taxes, it will go into the repair of what you did!" said Link.  
"Ig Jig Puh Ig, Jiggly?" asked Jigglypuff. _"But if Bowser becomes governor, won't our money be put into destroying stuff anyway?"  
_"I guess," said Link. "Carry on!"  
Jigglypuff burnt down a nearby kindergarten, and then read the clue.  
"Jig puh puggly ig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Serve up, or serve down?"  
_"Serve up," said Link.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Run!" said Samus.  
Samus picked up a clue, and read it.  
"Hey Link! What are you doing?" asked Zelda to Link, who was a few metres away.  
"Serve up, my dear!" said Link.  
"Well too bad, I've fallen for that hot monkey, so I guess I'll have to go to the other task!" said Zelda.  
"You fell for what?" said Samus.  
"Let's go!" said Zelda.  
Samus and Zelda ran off, to the tennis complex.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Happy go-lucky  
_"Ig Puh Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Don't worry! I can be your new girlfriend! And then we can have babies!"  
_Link thought about that for a moment, and then shortly ran over to a garbage bin.

_Nana and Popo  
Hole fourteen: Try 8  
_"Popo, if you just listen to me, we'll get through this hole!" said Nana.  
"No we won't!" said Popo. "I've got an easy putt to the hole, don't make me use my driver!"  
"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND LISTEN? I'M TELLING YOU THIS, I'M THE DICTATOR, AND YOU'RE THE SMALL BUG IN MY WAY, NOW I'M TELLING YOU THE WAY TO DO IT! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT WE'RE LOSING!" screamed Nana.  
"Wait, my fault?" asked Popo. "Weren't you that piffed my ball away into the lake? Weren't you the one that set alight my best driver, because it wasn't 'safe enough'? Weren't you the one trying to tell me to putt with my driver, which is now a pile of ash?"  
"Don't ask questions Popo," said Nana. "You're too young to understand…"  
"I'M TWO YEARS OLDER THAN YOU!" said Popo.

_Samus and Zelda  
Serves: 0  
_Zelda tossed the ball in the air, and whacked it straight down the line.  
"128km/h," said Zelda. "Harder than I thought!"  
"Imagine it's DK," said Samus.  
Zelda missed the ball.  
"Link," said Samus.  
Zelda smashed the ball down straight down the line, and smashed a nearby window.  
"Whoa," said Samus. "4008km/h, that's pretty good."

_Shuttle 2 departs  
11:30 AM  
_"There's no one else here, so I think we're in a good position," said Ness.  
_  
Kirby and Yoshi  
Digestive-Aggressive  
_"You have to cut the lamb up into fine pieces, spread them out on a plate, mix chilli sauce with a hint of pasta sauce, cook, and then pour over," said the Shy Guy instructor.  
Yoshi got the lamb, chopped it up very quickly, and spread them out on a plate quickly, then looked at Kirby, who was listening to his I-Pad.  
"Yoshi hurr!" said Yoshi. _"Come here!"  
_"Just wait!" said Kirby. ".mk1 og ylno dna tfel nruT !tuctrohs a si ereht ,kram mk3 eht ta ihsoY dna ybriK" sung Kirby.  
"Yoshi! Hup Yoshi hurr!" said Yoshi. _"Come on! You're just listening to techno where the lyrics mean nothing! No **subliminal messages!**"  
_"Subliminal messages?" asked Kirby.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Yes, **Subliminal messages!**"  
_"Subliminal messages?" asked Kirby.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Yes, **Subliminal messages!**"_  
"What with all these subliminal messages, I'm surprised neither of you have tried to steal any food yet," said the Shy Guy instructor. **Only go 1km.**"  
_  
Link and Jigglypuff  
Happy go-lucky  
_"Jig, you pour the sauce, and I'll do the beef," said Link.  
Jigglypuff started pouring out the sauce into a bowl, and mixed it together. Jigglypuff forgot to put the cap on the chilli sauce, and she knocked it over, making some writing on the wall.  
"Jig ig Ig!" said Jigglypuff, reading her writing. _"Zelda likes Donkey Kong! How sweet!"  
_"Yes…" said Link, clenching his teeth. "How sweet."

_Samus and Zelda  
Serves: 9  
_Zelda looked at the ball, seeing it as Link's head. She let out a giant scream and then bashed it into the court, making them complete the task.  
"Good," said Samus, grabbing the clue.

"Teams must now travel to Yoshi International Space Station by half-hourly shuttle, where they will find their next clue," said Master Hand.

"The time's 11:33, the next shuttle's at 11:50," said Samus.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Cooking time: 3 minutes  
_"Yoshi hup?" asked Yoshi. _"Kirby, what are you listening to now?"_  
"The palindrome song!" said Kirby. "Anna otto otto Anna!" sung Kirby.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
_"Jig, put it in!" said Link.  
Jigglypuff put the lamb into the oven, and then accidentally blew up the wall, making the words on the ground: "Donkey Kong and Zelda",  
"STOP IT!" screamed Link. "STOP IT!"

_Peach and Bowser  
Hole fourteen: Try 9  
_"Peach, why won't you do it?" asked Bowser. "You just have to tap the ball into the hole, and we can go to the next hole!"  
"But the ball loves me… and you!" said Peach.  
"Aww, that's so sweet of them…" said Bowser. "Let's be friends, golf balls…"  
Everyone stared at Bowser.  
"I AM AN EVIL KOOPA WHO WANTS TO KILL PEOPLE…" said Bowser in a faked tone.  
Bowser whacked Peach in the back, making her hit the ball into the hole.

_1st shuttle to Space Station  
11:50 AM  
_"Us, Kirby and Yoshi and Link and Jigglypuff are on the first shuttle to the Space Station!" said Master Hand.

_12:10 PM  
11:30 Shuttle Arrives_

Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
"Go!" said Ness. "We've got ground to catch up!"  
Ness opened the envelope, and read the descriptions.  
"Small human child," said Mewtwo. "I'm sick and tired of talking like this: LOLOLZ!11111 LETS GO TEH NESS11111 U CEN OPEN TEH LETTER111. We're going to win this thing, because the only other threat to us is Samus and Zelda. Why are we letting the two things distracted by food beat us?"  
"Okay, you're serious," said Ness.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Well, it's 12:15," said Bowser. "And if we want to not get eliminated, one of these teams have to stay behind!"  
"Vote for Bowser! He's like a donkey! And I had a silver penny once, and it turned into a dishwasher delivered by a stork! Hooray! I can do exercises with my v-" said Peach.

_Nana and Popo  
Hole fifteen: Try 2  
_"-ermin Popo, you're vermin! You're ugly as vermin! You're disgusting and you shower monthly! You're a girl that thinks her brother is a slave dog, and you've got some twisted mind!" said Nana.  
"Wait, didn't you just describe yourself?" asked Popo.  
"SILENCE, INFERIOR SLAVE DOG?" screamed Nana.  
_  
Falcon and DK  
Hole fifteen: Try 1  
_"Come on, DK!" said Falcon. "Putt this in, and we finish!"  
Donkey Kong did a slow putt, hitting it into the hole.  
"Yes!" said Falcon.  
Falcon and Donkey Kong ran to the shuttle, which was leaving.  
"Let's catch it!" said Donkey Kong.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Go go go!" screamed Bowser.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 6th Place  
_"I can't believe it," said Donkey Kong. "Bowser didn't let us on!"

_Shuttle Three  
12:30 PM_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
"Yes," said Bowser, shaking his fist in triumph.

_12:30 PM  
1st Shuttle to Space Station arrives  
_Samus and Zelda sprinted off the bus, found the clue, and started to read it, before being crowded by Link and Jigglypuff.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"You must now run…" said Link.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"…this 6km cross country track…" read Zelda.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"…and collect six types of fruit, and bring it to the pit stop, where you may check in…" read Kirby.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"..warning, yield ahead!" said Link.  
"Let's go!" said Link.  
Link dragged Jigglypuff along, and started running the track.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_".mk1 og ylno dna tfel nruT !tuctrohs a si ereht ,kram mk3 eht ta ihsoY dna ybriK" sung Kirby.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Serves: 9  
_Mewtwo smashed it down, but served too wide.  
"Fault!" said the Shy Guy.  
Mewtwo served it down the line, making the ball go at 152km/h.  
_Ness and Mewtwo  
Completed Detour  
_"Let's catch up!" said Ness.  
"See when the expert does it, he does it good?" asked Mewtwo.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 6th Place  
_Nana and Popo walked up.  
"Hey Falcon, I thought you finished ages ago!" said Popo.  
"Yeah, Bowser made the shuttle leave without us," said Falcon.  
"Dang," said Popo, winking to Nana. "I really care, wink wink."

_Link and Jigglypuff  
900 metres  
_"There's the nine-hundred metres mark!" said Link.  
Link and Jigglypuff sprinted another hundred metres, and then collected a fruit.  
"Jig Ig iggy?" asked Jigglypuff. _"What fruit should we get?"  
_"Get a grape, we'll carry the small fruits first!" said Link.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
800 metres  
_"Look, there's the 900 metre mark!" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi hurr!" said Yoshi. _"And there's Link and Jigglypuff!"  
_Kirby, with his I-Pad, and Yoshi ran up to the 1km sign, and picked a fruit.  
"Yoshi hup!" said Yoshi. _"I'll give you a mandarin, because you don't know how to peel it!"  
_"So I can't eat it?" asked Kirby.  
"Yoshi hup yay up Yoshi hup," said Yoshi. _"Exactly."_

Samus and Zelda  
600 metres  
"Pace yourself, Zelda. They'll tire out, and we'll take over them eventually," said Samus.

_2nd shuttle to Space Station  
12:50 AM_

Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
"Not a sign of anyone!" said Ness.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
2.9 km  
_"There's the 3km mark!" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi hup yay yarr Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Here, carry a pineapple."  
_Kirby picked up the pineapple, and the pineapple pierced his I-Pad™.  
"Aah!" cried Kirby. "My I-Pad is broken!"  
"Yoshi herr?" asked Yoshi. _"What happeed?"  
_"It's playing backwards!" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi," said Yoshi. _"Let's hear!"  
_Yoshi took a headphone and listened.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
2.9 km  
_"Jig Ig Iggly Piggly Ig Puh!" said Jigglypuff. _"Look, there's Kirby and Yoshi! Let's take over them!"  
_Link grabbed an orange, and ran off.

_Samus and Zelda  
2.9 km  
_"Look, they're there already!" said Samus. "They're already tired!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
3km  
_Yoshi listened intently to Kirby's song, which was running backwards.  
"Kirby and Yoshi at the 3km mark, there is a shortcut! Turn left and only go 1km!"  
"Yoshi eye!" said Yoshi. _"You're right, it's playing backwards! Hey… I have this sudden urge to turn left, instead of right…"  
_"I know what you mean!" said Kirby.  
Kirby picked up another three fruits, and turned left.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
5km  
_"Quickly!" said Link. "Run!"  
Jigglypuff staggered, and tried to keep on running.  
"One more k!" said Link, picking up a watermelon.

_Samus and Zelda  
4.8km  
_"Let's start sprinting!" said Samus.  
Samus and Zelda broke into run, Zelda stuffed the fruit into her pocket.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
600m of shortcut  
_"Come on!" said Kirby.  
"Hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"I could if I weren't holding 3 kilos of fruit!"_

Link and Jigglypuff  
5.6km  
"Yield!" said Link.

"Yield!" said Master Hand. "A Yield is to delay a team for a pre-determined amount of time! Teams can only use it once in a race, so teams have to choose when it's the most important time!"

"Ig Jig Jiggly?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Who do we yield?"  
_"Uh," said Link. "I want to yield DK for stealing my girl!"  
"Ig puggly!" said Jigglypuff. _"But they're gonna come 2nd Last anyway!"  
_"True," said Link. "We're going to yield Samus and Zelda."

_Samus and Zelda  
5.3km  
_"Sprint!" said Samus.  
Samus and Zelda ran up to the yield sign.  
"Samus and Zelda, courtesy of Link and Jigglypuff…" read Zelda.  
"I hate you, you cheating bites!" said Samus.

_Nana and Popo_  
"I resent that comment," said Nana. "We do not cheat!"  
"What the heck does this have to do with anything?" said Popo.  
"Quiet, slave dog," said Nana.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
5.8km  
_"200 more metres!" said Link.  
Link and Jigglypuff saw Master Hand ahead, before being blocked by Kirby and Yoshi.  
"Hey!" said Link. "You can't steal our win!"  
"Make us," said Kirby, poking his tongue out.  
"Jig Iggly Wig hig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Hey, isn't that the Ice Cream man?"  
_Kirby and Yoshi looked around. Link and Jigglypuff stepped on the mat,  
"Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number one!" said Master Hand. "And for being the winners of this leg of the race, you win 5000 dollars!"  
Jigglypuff and Link did a hi-5.  
"That was such a close call, Jig's so mean," said Link on a voiceover.  
"Thanks for the fruits," said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hey!" said Kirby. "Link and Jigglypuff tricked us!"  
"Kirby and Yoshi, you are team number two!" said Master Hand. "That was a dirty trick, eh?"  
"Yes," said Kirby.  
"I'm gonna get revenge on them somehow, in some way," said Kirby. "It's not fair."

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_Samus and Zelda ran after being yielded, and ran to the world map.  
"Samus and Zelda, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.  
"I can't believe Link yielded us!" said Zelda.  
"They came first," said Master Hand.

_1:10  
3rd Shuttle Arrives_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
"Heh," said Peach. "Let's do tennis, because I'm a tennis racquet!"

_1:30 PM  
4th Shuttle Departs  
_"This will be close," said Popo.  
"Yeah," said Falcon.  
"You realise now," said DK to everyone in the shuttle. "We're the last two teams left, and once we get off this bus, we're going to have to race against each other, and one of us will be eliminated?"

_1:30 PM  
2nd Shuttle to Space Station Arrives  
_  
_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Let's go," said Ness. "We've got to finish as early as possible."

_1:50 PM_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
"Don't leave without us!" said Bowser.  
The shuttle sped away, leaving Peach and Bowser behind.  
"Damn it," said Bowser. "The next shuttle leaves at 2:20."

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Look, there's Master Hand!" said Ness.  
"Good!" said Mewtwo.  
"Ness and Mewtwo, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.  
"Are you serious?" asked Ness.  
"Yep," said Master Hand.  
"That's great," said Mewtwo.

_2:10PM_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
"Here come the others!" said Bowser.  
"Hey, when does the next bus leave?" asked Popo.  
"TEN MINUTES!" said Bowser.

_Falcon and DK  
Serves: 0  
_"Let's do this!" said Falcon.  
Falcon hit the ball, and served it in.  
"102 km/h," said Falcon.  
"Here, lemme try," said Donkey Kong.  
Donkey Kong smashed the ball down, but missed the court. DK tried again, but served at 128km/h.

_Nana and Popo  
Serves: 0  
_"Nana, I don't need help!" said Popo. "I play tennis when I'm not playing golf!"  
Popo smacked the ball at 160 km/h.  
"Good, eh?" asked Popo.  
"No!" said Nana.

_2:20 PM  
3rd Shuttle Leaves for Space Station  
_"No one else!" said Bowser.  
"Good!" said Peach.

_Falcon and DK  
Serves: 2  
_"Go DK!" said Falcon, as Donkey Kong smashed down an ace at 180 km/h.

_Nana and Popo  
Serves: 3  
_"Nana, you've got one in, just do the same thing!" said Nana.  
Nana smashed it down for 180 km/h.  
"Yeah!" said Popo.

_Falcon and DK  
Serves: 5  
_"Go!" said DK.  
Falcon faulted the ball, but then got back up on his feet, and did a good serve for 138 km/h.

_Nana and Popo  
Serves: 6  
_Nana served the ball down fast, but it wasn't fast enough, making the serves reset!  
"Damn!" said Nana.

_Falcon and DK  
Serves: 7  
_"Dang!" said Falcon, double faulting the ball.  
"Is that a reset?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"Yes," said the Shy Guy.

_3:00 PM  
3rd Shuttle Arrives_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
"Let's kill this track!" said Peach.  
"Yeah," said Bowser.

_Nana and Popo  
Serves: 3  
_"Take it slowly," said Nana. "We can slowly do it."  
"Yeah," said Popo. "This is the first time we've co-operated since the start of the race!"  
"LEG TWO!" screamed Nana.  
"Whatever," said Popo.

_3:20 PM_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
"We made it!" said Peach.  
"Peach and Bowser, you are team number five!" said Master Hand.  
"We've got some ground to catch up, after we missed the bus," said Bowser.

_Nana and Popo  
Serves: 9  
_"Come on Popo! The next bus is in ten minutes!" said Nana.  
Popo smashed the ball at 202km/h.  
"Great!" said Nana, clapping her hands.

_Falcon and DK  
Serves: 9  
_"Damn," said Falcon.  
"Falcon, get this in, and we can make their bus!" said DK.  
Falcon smashed it at 150 km/h exactly, to get them on the bus.

_4:10 PM  
4th Bus Arrives  
_"Hey Kirby!" said DK. "What are we supposed to do?"  
"Run the track!" said Kirby. "And collect fruit!"  
"Chase them!" said Nana, running after them.

_4:30 PM  
_Master Hand sat at the pit stop waiting.

_Falcon and DK  
5.9km  
_"SPRINT!" screamed Donkey Kong.  
Nana jumped up and bit DK's arm, but Falcon threw Nana and Popo away. Nana and Popo sprinted back, but Donkey Kong managed to get his finger on the world map!  
"Falcon and Donkey Kong, you are team number six, which makes you, Nana and Popo the last team to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you guys, you've both been eliminated from the race. I'm sorry to see you go," said Master Hand.  
"Yeah," said Nana. "We actually started to work together this leg, and if we started earlier, we could've actually won!"  
"From the start of the leg, anyone could be eliminated," said Popo. "But it was our bad luck this time."

**$#&Finish Times&#$  
**Link and Jigglypuff: 12:57 PM  
Kirby and Yoshi: 12:58 PM  
Samus and Zelda: 1:00 PM  
Ness and Mewtwo: 1:54 PM  
Peach and Bowser: 3:20 PM  
Falcon and DK: 4:31 PM  
**Nana and Popo- 4:31 PM- ELIMINATED**

Pleas R/R and tell us who you want to win, and think will win!


	8. Leg Eight: Sector X

"Last time, on a Smashy Amazing Race, teams went to Yoshi's Island!" said Master Hand. "Seven teams departed at the same time! Some teams struggled playing golf, and aggression in and between teams caused grudges! Bowser managed to secure a place in this leg, by making the bus leave without Falcon and Donkey Kong! Link and Jigglypuff yielded Samus and Zelda, and tricked Kirby and Yoshi so that they would finish first in the leg! But the constant arguing between Nana and Popo, made them eliminated! Will Peach and Bowser and Link and Jigglypuff's sneaky strategies pay off? Will uncos Falcon and Donkey Kong beat the odds and stay in the race? Now only six teams remain, who will be eliminated next?"

**The Teams:**

Link and Jigglypuff (To Kill a Mockingbird)  
Kirby and Yoshi (Culinary delights: The 2005 Food Model Edition!)  
Peach and Bowser (Charlotte's Web)  
Ness and Mewtwo (Einstein's theory of relativity: Made Complicated)  
Samus and Zelda (You want to know our favourite book? _I'll_ favourite book you! Take th-)  
Falcon and DK (How to impress your man… I mean… How to get guys all over you… I mean… Uh… Hot Babes! Yeah! Hot Babes!)

**LEG EIGHT**

"Link and Jigglypuff arrived at 12:57PM (after noon), they will depart at 12:57AM!"

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Link opened the envelope.  
"You must take a spaceship to Sector X!" read Link.

"Teams must now walk three hundred metres to Birdo's Space Station, take a spacecraft to Sector X, and drive to this spaceship dock!" said Master Hand.

"We're not nice anymore," said Link. "We're going for the million dollars, and we're gonna do whatever it takes. We're not trying to stay in, now that we're coming first, we're trying to win!"  
"Ig Jig, Puh Jig Wig Iggly Jig Ig!" said Jigglypuff. _"I think our biggest threat is Samus and Zelda, and I think that if there's one team that would eliminate us, it would be them!"_

Kirby and Yoshi  
Departed at 12:58PM  
"You must now take a spaceship to Sector X, where you must drive to Peppy's spaceship dock!" read Kirby.  
"Yoshi! Hup herr!" said Yoshi. _"Hey! Let's wait for Samus and Zelda."_

Samus and Zelda  
Departed at 1:00PM  
"You must now take a spaceship to Sector X, where you must…" read Zelda.  
"Woo! Space, here we come!" said Samus.  
"…drive to Peppy's spaceship dock!"  
Samus and Zelda walked along to find Kirby and Yoshi.  
"Hey guys!" said Kirby.  
"Hey," said Zelda.  
"Listen up," said Samus. "We have to take Link and Jigglypuff out of the race soon, because they are a giant pain in the back, and we're going to have to stop them, and keep them from winning the race!"

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"You know what, Jig," said Link. "I think all of the teams love us…"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Samus and Zelda  
_"You know what, all of the teams absolutely hate Link and Jigglypuff's guts in this race," said Samus.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"And they're going to do nothing about us, and won't stand in the way!" said Link.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Samus and Zelda  
_"Until they are eliminated, we are going to take every precaution to stand in their way, and take every chance to get 'em and hit hard," said Samus.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"I think we've made an impression so good that everybody likes us," said Link.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Samus and Zelda  
_"I think they've already made an impression so that everybody hates them," said Kirby.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Jig Iggly Ig?" asked Jigglypuff. _"Do you think we're wrong?"_

Kirby and Yoshi  
Samus and Zelda  
"Do you think we're wrong?" asked Zelda.

_Sonic  
_"DO YU THINK THET EYE LEIK MILCK!111"

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Naah," said Link.

_Samus and Zelda  
Kirby and Yoshi  
_"Yoshi…" said Yoshi. _"Naah…"_

Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 1st Place  
"Jig Ig, Iggly Ig!" said Jigglypuff. _"Hey look, it's the space station!"  
_Link and Jigglypuff ran into the giant building, looked around, and then found a bookings desk. Link walked up to a Koopa who was at the bookings desk.  
"Hi, can I have a flight to Sector X?" asked Link.  
"Yes, it leaves 1:30," said the Koopa.  
"Damn," said Link. "That means Kirby and Yoshi and Samus and Zelda catch up to us!"  
"Actually, it's boarding right now," said the Koopa.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hi, can I have two tickets to Sector X?" asked Kirby.  
"Yes, there are four seats left," said the Koopa.  
"In that case, can you get four?" asked Kirby.  
"Sure," said the Koopa.  
"Yoshi, hur Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"Are you sure you want to get tickets for Samus and Zelda?"  
_"It will pay off," said Kirby.  
The Koopa handed over the tickets, and Kirby waited for Samus and Zelda.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Hey Samus," said Kirby. "Here are your tickets!"  
"Thanks," said Zelda.  
"Wow, we just made it, final call," said Samus.

_Lindsay  
_"How about, you made it, the final call?" asked Lindsay.

_1st flight to Sector X  
1:30 AM  
_"Kirby and Yoshi, and Link and Jigglypuff are on this flight," said Zelda.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Departed at 1:54 AM  
_"You know," said Ness, taking a clue. "At the start, we were winning, winning, winning, but now we're near the back of the pack, with Peach and Bowser and Falcon and Donkey Kong. And really, we're supposed to be at the front, I mean, how did Link and Jigglypuff win the last leg? They're so stupid!"  
"I don't think you should underestimate them," said Mewtwo.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
_"IG JIGG IGG JIGGG?" asked Jigglypuff? _"HEI! IS THET SCREEN IN FRUNT OF ME EDIBALL?111111111!1111111"  
_"EY DON'T NOH! LETZ USE MOIY SPOON TO GHET IT OOUTT!11" said Link.  
"HEEY!1111" said Crazy Hand. "ONLEY EYE EM SUPPOSED 2 USE 111s AT THE END OF MY SHENTENCES!11111111111"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Hi, when's the next flight to Sector X?" asked Ness.  
"Uh… at 5:00AM," said the Koopa ticket salesman.  
"Aargh," said Ness. "That means that all of the other teams will catch up to us!"

_Peach and Bowser  
Departed at 3:20 AM  
_"Peach, we're second last, so I want you to be on your best behaviour. Now, as long as we follow this path, we'll go to this space station? Understand?" asked Bowser.  
Peach nodded, understanding.  
"So when we… Peach? What are you doing on top of that tree… Without your clothes on?" asked Bowser.  
"My eyelids were cold!" said Peach.  
"You stupid woman!" shouted Bowser.

_Ted  
_"Frankly, I disagree with that statement!" said Ted.

"Who the f& is Ted?" asked Bowser.

_Lindsay  
_"Frankly, I disagree with that statement!" said Lindsay.

"Peach, did you gas me again?" asked Bowser.  
"Well, you see…" said Peach.  
But sadly, just as Peach was about to give her explanation, the rofl pony took Peach away, and bathed her in the waters of hope.

_1st Flight Arrives  
4:00 AM_

Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
"Run!" said Zelda.  
Samus and Zelda rushed out of the plane, and ran out to the taxi ranks. Samus put up her hand. A taxi pulled up.  
"Hi, girls!" said Marth, evilly.  
"Didn't you die when the elephants from the circus ran over you?" asked Zelda.  
"Oh yeah," said Marth.  
Marth died._Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hey look, Yoshi!" said Kirby, pointing to a gift shop. "A magic 8 ball!"  
"Yoshi, hur Yoshi up!" said Yoshi. _"Kirby, there is no way you are buying that, no way!"  
_"Pardon?" asked Kirby, holding the magic 8 ball which he just bought.  
"Yoshi! Hup her Yoshi!" said Yoshi, furiously. _"Kirby! You just wasted most of our leg money! How much money do we have left?"  
_"Eleven dollars," said Kirby, happily.  
"Yoshi, hup Yoshi er Yoshi!" said Yoshi sarcastically, waving his arms. _"Okay, now waste the rest of our money on a robot that can identify butter and has an in-built microphone!"  
_"Pardon?" asked Kirby, holding the robot that could identify butter and had an in-built microphone.  
"Yoshi up!" said Yoshi, angrily. _"You stupid midget!"_

Lindsay  
"I disagree with that politically incorrect statement. The correct way of saying it is: You stupid vertically-challenged person!" said Lindsay.

"Yoshi hurr!" screamed Yoshi, angrily. _"I don't need correction!"  
_"Does Yoshi need correction?" asked Kirby, shaking the magic 8 ball.  
Kirby looked at it. Yes.  
"Yoshi!" said Yoshi, very angrily. _"And not from a magic 8 ball, or a robot that can identify butter!"_

Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place  
"Jigglypuff, get out of the seat!" said Link, dragging Jigglypuff, who was holding on to the arm rest.  
"Jig Iggly Ig Ig Ug Iggly!" said Jigglypuff. _"But Link, I want to fill in the puzzles! I want to help Lon Lon the Milk Cow™ get back to the paddock!"  
_"Jigglypuff, Lon Lon the milk cow is not real!" said Link.  
"Jig Ig Iggly, Jig Ig Iggly!" cried Jigglypuff. _"Yes he is, yes he is!"  
_"He's just a cartoon character!" said Link.  
"Jiiiiig!" screamed Jigglypuff. _"Nooooo!"  
_Jigglypuff turned the page of the book.  
"Jig Iggly Ig Ig Uggly Iggly!" said Jigglypuff. _"I want to find the secret message in this word find, so Clucky the Chicken, can find her chicks!"  
_Link sighed.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_Donkey Kong ripped opened the envelope.  
"You must now take a spaceship to Sector X, where you must drive to Peppy's spaceship dock!" read DK.  
"Me and DK have just stayed in this race, but I reckon if we can stay in until the final leg, then we can go all aggro," said Falcon. "We're lucky enough to stay this far, but I bet we can come back from nowhere!"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Oh great, it's Peach and Bowser," said Ness.  
"Hey guys!" said Peach.  
"Peach, remember, when you're talking to other people, remember to speak loud, and look at them…" whispered Bowser. "…so when you…"  
Bowser looked up.  
"Peach, get off that model airplane!" said Bowser.  
"Yay!" said Peach, sitting on the model airplane which was being held up by wires on the ceiling. "I'm going to the zoo!"

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Here it is," said Samus, jumping out of the taxi.  
Zelda ran up to a sign outside the spaceship dock.  
"What? Opens at 9:00 AM?" asked Zelda.  
"Damn," said Samus.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Yoshi hup?" asked Yoshi. _"Now, how are we going to get money?"  
_Kirby turned on the butter identifying robot with an in-built mic.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Jigglypuff, you've done all of the puzzles, and coloured in every space of white on the colouring pages!" said Link. "Can we go now?"  
"Jig," said Jigglypuff. _"Okay."  
_Link put Jigglypuff into his hands, when suddenly, a loud, high pitched screeching noise pushed them to the back of the spaceship.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Here," said a Koopa, covering his ears. "I'll pay you a million dollars to stop!"  
"No, I'll pay you two million dollars to stop!" said a Koopa.  
"Yoshi," said Yoshi. _"Good, take their offer."  
_Kirby ate the Koopa.  
"WTF? Get the money!" said Yoshi, completely out of character.  
"Oh," said Kirby.  
Kirby took the Koopas out, and grabbed their money.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"It's 4:50," said Mewtwo. "And the flight's boarding."  
"As long as we board without Falcon and DK coming into the station, we should be fine," said Ness.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Here's the space station!" said Falcon.  
Falcon and Donkey Kong walked in, spotting Ness and Mewtwo, and Peach and Bowser.  
"Well, if it isn't the nerds?" asked Falcon, laughing.  
Falcon and DK walked up to the check-in desk.  
"Hi, when's the next flight to Sector X?" asked DK.  
"Uh," said the Koopa, who was typing on his computer. "The next flight is at 6:30 AM!"  
Falcon grabbed the tickets, and walked over to Ness and Mewtwo.  
"Hey, when's your flight?" asked Falcon.  
"5:00 AM, it's boarding right now," said Ness.  
"Damn," said Falcon. "This could be the end of us!"

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Here's Kirby and Yoshi!" said Samus.  
Kirby paid the taxi driver, and walked out of the taxi.  
"There has to be a way to eliminate Link and Jigglypuff," said Kirby.  
"Let's think," said Samus.  
Everybody thought about that for a while.  
"Colouring book… must… have… colouring book…" said Kirby. "Have… the sudden… urge… to colour things…"  
"Yoshi yosh Yoshi!" _"Pay attention, Kirby!"_  
"Aw…" said Kirby. "But I'm pink and cute and puffy! It's like it _forces_ me to want to colour!"  
"Hey…" said Zelda.  
"I'm on it," said Samus. "Hello? Yes, I'd like a couple thousand colouri- yes, I know they're dangerous… no, it's not for children… yes, I mean to profit from this… legal problems? Uh… uh… SMITE YOU!" Samus fired a couple of missiles at the phone.  
Yoshi, meanwhile, was hitting Kirby with a plank of wood. "Yoshi…" _"It worked before…"_  
Kirby choked, then literally coughed up a few hundred colouring books.  
"Okay," said Samus. "Zelda, Kirby, you stand in line; we'll be back. Yoshi and I will try to distract Jigglypuff, and hence Link too. Yoshi, do you know where the nearest electric field is?"  
Yoshi nodded, smiling. There was nothing bad about being on the aggros' side.  
"Oh, and if you think we're aggro, I'll kill you," said Samus.  
"Ararararararar…"

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 3rd place_  
"Jigglypuff, if you stop acting so stupid, we can seriously win this thing!" said Link. "The aggro chicks; and the two little eaters? If it wasn't for you and your word puzzles, we'd be light-years ahead of them by now!"  
"Jig iggly ig pig jig!" _"It was not a word puzzle! It was a word riddle!"_

"Oh, _sorry_," said Link. "I'm so _sorry_ that I've made your word _riddle_ unhappy."  
"Jig jig?" _"See? He cares,"_ said Jigglypuff, patting the word riddle.  
"I feel so much better now," said the word riddle.  
"Sssh," said Jigglypuff, worried that Link would overhear them.  
Jigglypuff walked around a bit, and then saw a colouring book on the ground.  
"Daaghaahaa!" said Jigglypuff, screaming in excitement, clapping.  
Jigglypuff took the colouring book, scribbled on a few pages, and then hugged it.  
"Great," said Link. "Now can we go to the shuttle depot, which is right there?"  
Jigglypuff shook her head, smiling.  
"Oh, so you'd rather help clucky the chicken colour in her chicks to get colour than win a million dollars?" asked Link, sarcastically.  
Jigglypuff nodded, smiling.  
"THEN WALK OFF, AND LEAVE ME!" said Link, angrily.  
Jigglypuff walked up and left Link.  
"COME BACK HERE! THAT WAS SARCASM, YOU STUPID POKEMON!" screamed Link.  
Jigglypuff walked back happily, then walked up to Link, and started crying.  
"Oh, there there," said Link, hugging Jigglypuff. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."  
Jigglypuff nodded her head, and then ran off to the trail of colouring books.  
Link roared in frustration, and gave chase.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Okay," said Falcon. "Here's our flight. You know, if it weren't for Donkey Kong, we could've caught the earlier flight!"  
"What do you mean?" asked Donkey Kong, pointing his finger. "I was the one that was trying to get you to sprint, and stop applying your make up and lipstick!"  
"Well, I'm sorry!" said Falcon, stepping onto a plane. "Why don't you go off to your perfect women?"  
"Well, Falcon, I'm not **CENSORED**," said Donkey Kong.  
Roy ran into the plane, and sat next to Falcon and DK.  
"Hey Falcon, want to **CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED**?" asked Roy.  
"But Roy, I'm trying to maintain a good image for the children!" said Falcon, smiling. "After all, everyone wants me to win!"  
Some tumbleweed rolled in front of the camera.  
"Everyone wants me to win!"  
Toad angrily threw a tomato at Falcon.  
"Everyone wants me to win!"  
Daisy ran in, and hit Falcon with a shovel.  
"Everyone wants me to win!"  
All of the Onett Children's Choir members started simultaneously coughing.  
"Everyone wants me to win!"  
Everyone in the plane started suffocating from coughing too much.  
"Everyone wants me to win!"  
The wings of the plane started disintegrating.  
"Everyone wants me to win!"  
Roy started to melt.  
"Everyone wants me to win?"  
Peach ran into the plane without her clothes on, and shoved her laptop into Falcon's mouth WITH THE VIEWERMAIL AND MINESWEEPER PROGRAMS STILL OPEN!

"Uh… right…" said Master Hand. "Ness and Mewtwo, and Peach and Bowser are on the 5:00 AM flight to Sector X that arrives at 7:30 AM, and Falcon and Donkey Kong are on the 6:30 AM flight that arrives at 9:00 AM. All the other teams are already in Sector X."

_7:30 AM  
2nd Space Shuttle Arrives  
_  
_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Come on, let's go! You're not going to be the rofl pony forever," said Ness, hopping into a taxi.  
"I think that we can do way better, I mean, we can be beating Link and Jigglypuff," said Mewtwo. "That would land us third."  
"Link is the stupid short pony, and Link's the smart bean," said Ness, angrily.  
"Stupid child, have you had too much whisky?" asked Mewtwo.  
"No, zoo-laced laptop," said Ness.  
"Well, you are talking as if you were Peach," said Mewtwo.  
"Well I think they're all stupid!" said Ness, angrily.  
"Link and Jigglypuff are not stupid!" said Mewtwo, angrily. "Don't underestimate them!"

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Peach, keep on drinking the whisky," said Bowser.  
"Hehehe, whisky makes me talk normal!" said Peach, drinking some whisky.  
"Peach, when you are out in public-" said Bowser.  
Bowser blinked.  
"Peach! What are you doing on that conveyor belt? Without your clothes on?" asked Bowser.  
"I could be hand luggage!" said Peach, giggling.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"What time does it open?" asked Ness.  
"9:00 AM, we still have 45 minutes to wait," said Mewtwo.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"What time does it open?" asked Peach.  
"Can't you read it yourself?" asked Bowser.  
"Okay…" said Peach, putting her glasses on.  
"Hey Peach, you don't wear glasses! Did you take it from someone?" asked Bowser.  
"Oh, I'm sure whoever has them will be fine!" said Peach, happily.

_Meanwhile… in Mushroom Kingdom…  
_"Luigi!" said Mario, panicking. "My hands have been tied behind my back-a, so you have to do it!"  
"Okay!" said Luigi, nervously.  
"Press the button that says 'no explosion' on it!" said Mario.  
"But there are two buttons!" said Luigi, sweating. "What does the other one do-a? I can't tell them apart without-a my glasses!"  
"The other one says 'explosion' on it! That button will explode all of Mushroom Kingdom!" said Mario, trying to stay calm.  
"Okay, this one has a red mark beside it," said Luigi. "So I'm guessing that the red mark says no!"  
"Quickly, Luigi!" said Mario, looking at his watch alarmingly. "Press the button! We have ten seconds!"  
"But-a Mario, if your hands are tied behind your back-a, how can you look at your watch?" asked Luigi, quickly.  
"Don't worry about the plot inconsistencies!" said Mario. "Press the button!"  
Luigi pressed the button.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"By the way," said Peach. "What happened to the last of my lipstick?"  
"I think when we were in Mushroom Kingdom, I smeared it on a random button," said Bowser, shrugging. "I think the button had something to do with explosions."  
"Explosions?" asked Peach.  
"Explosions," said Bowser.  
"Explosions?" asked Peach.  
"Explosions," said Bowser.  
"Explosions?"  
"Explosions."  
"Explosions?"  
"Explosions."  
**HINT! HINT!**

_Lindsay  
_"Hint."  
_  
9:00 AM  
Last Flight Arrives_

Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
"It's 9:00 AM," said Falcon. "I just hope there is a delay, like something opening, delaying time."

_9:02 AM  
Peppy's Spaceship Dock Opens  
_  
"Teams must now search this spaceship dock for a clue box, where they will receive their next clue," said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"This is really wide open," said Kirby. "It could be anywhere!"  
"Yoshi hurr up Yoshi," said Yoshi. _"Search here first, it could be very close!"_

Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 2nd Place  
"Where the heck is this thing?" asked Samus, looking around.  
"We'll need dumb luck to find this," said Zelda, searching.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Where's the clue?" asked Ness.

_Rofl Pony  
_"It's about a kilometre north."

Ness and Mewtwo followed the rofl pony's lead.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"See Bowser? I stuck with the rofl pony, and he gave me stuff in return!" said Peach, happily.  
"But Peach, The rofl pony help Marth and Roy _censored censored censored _you!"  
"Well, I still have my clothes!" said Peach, happily.  
"Peach, I don't think Fox will appreciate you rubbing your body against his ship, naked," said Bowser.  
"Hehehe! Hand-rolled staccato bun!" said Peach, cheerily.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Jig… Ig… Ig… Iggly… Ig… Jiggly…" said Jigglypuff, desperately. _"Must… follow… colouring books… to… Saffron… City…"_

Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
"Magic 8 Ball, will you help us find the clue?" asked Kirby.  
"Yoshi, hur up Yoshi hurr!" said Yoshi, angrily. _"A Magic 8 Ball is not going to help us win!"  
_Kirby looked at the Magic 8 ball.  
"It says yes," said Kirby, happily.  
"Yoshi, up herr Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Kirby, it is not going to work, look!"  
_Yoshi grabbed the ball angrily.  
"Yoshi hurr hup?" asked Yoshi, angrily. _"Is the Magic 8 Ball going to help us win?"  
_Yoshi shook the ball furiously, and then looked at it. It said Yes.  
"Yoshi hurr hup?" asked Yoshi, angrily. _"Is the Magic 8 Ball going to help us win?"  
_Yoshi shook the ball again. Same answer.  
"Yoshi hurr hup?" asked Yoshi, angrily. _"Is the Magic 8 Ball going to help us win?"  
_Yoshi shook the ball again. Same answer.  
"Yoshi hurr hup?" asked Yoshi, angrily. _"Is the Magic 8 Ball going to help us win?"  
_"I don't know, but I am certainly having a jolly good time with the rofl pony," said Lindsay, clanking his tea cup with the rofl pony's.  
"Cheers," said the rofl pony, who then looked at Kirby and Yoshi. "Here's your clue!"  
The Rofl Pony handed the clue to Kirby and Yoshi.  
"I love things that make no sense!" said Kirby, cheerfully.  
Yoshi groaned.  
"Want a cupcake?" said Kirby.  
That made Yoshi feel better, until the Rofl Pony stepped on Yoshi on the way out.  
"Road Block!" said Kirby, happily.

"Road Block! A Road Block is a task that only one team member can perform!" said Master Hand. "In this task, teams must use clues to navigate their way around this giant crater in a space shuttle, and then when the team member doing it thinks they have got to the spot that the clue showed them to, they must then land, and dig for the next clue. However, the clue that they will find will not end the Road Block, they must go through six clues until the pit contains the next clue.  
This task may seem hard, but with a good sense of direction, teams may be able to do this task relatively quickly! Teams that do not dig for all six clues will be required to do this task again."

"Yoshi, hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"I'm the smart one here, I better do it!"  
_"Well Yoshi, I think I should do it, because I have spaceship experience!" said Kirby, proudly.  
"Yoshi, up herr Yoshi hurr up!" said Yoshi. _"Really? Have you navigated and controlled a spaceship before?"  
_"Well, I've been on a warp star, which does all of the driving and navigation for me…" said Kirby.  
Yoshi started crying.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Road Block…" read Bowser. "It involves navigating, and using a spaceship."  
"I'm really good at it!" said Peach, putting her hand up. "After all, I'm the tomboy bounty hunter with a toaster in my helmet!"  
Peach giggled.  
"Well Peach," said Bowser.  
Bowser looked up.  
"Peach! Don't go to that Road Block!" said Bowser.  
"But I can't!" said Peach, crying while walking towards the Road Block. "My legs keep on moving!"  
"Wait!" said Bowser, running, trying to stop Peach.  
A cage landed on Bowser, Kirby walked over, dragging Yoshi, and then stuffed him in the cage.  
"Hi Bowser!" said Kirby. "You can baby sit Yoshi now!"  
Kirby walked away, and Yoshi looked nervously at Bowser.  
Bowser accidentally coughed, breathing out fire on Yoshi.  
"Ararararara…" said Yoshi.

_Peach  
_"Hi Peach!" said Daisy, leaning on a bunch of helmets. "I'm helping you get ready for the road block!"  
"Daisy," said Peach, dumbly. "Why are you in space?"  
Peach stared at Daisy, while intimidating her in the process.  
"Daisy, why are you working here?" asked Peach.  
"To get my tennis racquet back," said Daisy. "And blunder all chances of you winning a million dollars!"  
"I don't eat mashed brass instruments for nothing, mother!" said Peach, angrily.  
Dais  
y sighed, and then thought.  
"Peach," said Daisy, menacingly. "Do you want to fly in the high-tech spaceship that requires someone with an IQ over 20 to operate, or go in that, old, rusty go kart?"  
"Go Kart!" said Peach, laughing, clapping her hands.  
"Go Kart!" said Peach, happily.  
Peach did a twirl.  
"Go Kart!" said Peach.  
Peach did a twirl.  
"Go Kart!" said Peach.  
Peach started to melt.  
"Go Kart!" said Peach.  
Peach kept on melting.  
"How come I have terrible descriptions after my dialogue?" asked Peach.  
"It's because your skin colour is different," said the rofl pony.  
"Oh yeah," said Peach. "That explains why Slippy is nailed to my back!"  
Peach turned around, and showed a dead frog attached to her back.  
Daisy walked off into another room, and then came back with the go kart.

_Kirby  
Clues: 0  
_"Cool, a spaceship!" said Kirby, observing the inside of a spaceship.  
Kirby looked around a bit.  
"What does this button do?" asked Kirby.  
Kirby pressed a button.  
Suddenly, the whole spaceship moved parts, and transformed into the shape of a standing human.  
"Whoops?" said Kirby.

_Peach  
Clues: 0  
_"My go kart is better than a spaceship!" said Peach, happily, driving at about three metres a second.  
Peach's go kart stumbled down a steep edge into the crater.  
"Mine also doesn't defy gravity!" said Peach, giggling. "Unorthodox bean measurers!"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_Mewtwo tapped on Ness's shoulder, and pointed at the clue box. Ness walked up, and read the clue.  
"Okay!" said Ness, looking at the clue. "I'll do it!"  
"Damn rofl pony," said Mewtwo, angrily. "Has to ruin my chances."  
"But Crazy Hand offered me a box of chocolates!" said the rofl pony.  
"Riboflavin and Vitamin B helps me work!" said Crazy Hand.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Look, a clue!" said Zelda.  
"Okay," said Samus, reading. "I think we've got to ride a spaceship… I'll do it!"  
Samus pressed a button on her suit, and a spaceship landed right next to her. Two Koopas, handcuffed to each other to their arms came out of the ship, looking horrified.  
"M… M… Miss?" asked one of the Koopas. "Here's your ship!"  
"Uh… Samus," said Zelda. "Are you taking them slaves?"  
"Er…" said Samus, looking at the slave hats that the Koopas were wearing. "I think I hear some ads!"  
Samus tried to grin, but her helmet got in the way, and made it look like a very evil look, kind of like… well… Nana.

**Start Ad  
**  
"Hello, would you like to beat up a slave dog?" asked Nana. "Do you like to be cruel to animals? If you said yes or no, you want to go to the slave dog academy!"  
Nana tried to grin, without looking evil.  
"Here you can hit the slave dog, as shown!" said Nana.  
Nana picked up a baseball bat, and hit Popo with it.  
"You can kick the slave dog!" said Nana.  
Nana kicked Popo.  
"Slave dog!" said Nana, angrily.

**End Ad  
**_  
Kirby  
Clues: 0  
_Kirby got out of his rental spaceship, and then looked around, and started digging for a few minutes.  
"Darn, there's nothing here!" said Kirby.  
Kirby dug a bit more with the shovel, and then hit something hard. He uncovered it, and then looked.  
"Kirby, it's me!" said Fox.  
"You know," said Kirby to himself, "I think I should cover this hole in…"  
"Thank you! You've just saved me from death of suffocation! Thank you! I'll repay you in any way!" said Fox, thankfully. "I'm so eternally grateful to you for saving my life! I'm indebted; I'm-"  
Kirby shook the magic 8-ball, saying, "should I pull Fox out?"  
_No_, the magic 8-ball read.  
"-so glad that you could help us, and so sorry for ever thinking badly of you, and-"  
"So what do I do?" said Kirby, shaking the 8-ball again.  
_Please shake me again._  
"Uh, okay. What do I do?"  
_Kill Fox._  
"Oh, okay!" said Kirby.  
"-please let me out, oh my saviour, I'm so cold, and- hey, what are you doing? I – but – why? What did I do to deserve this?"  
Kirby filled the hole back up with dirt. "Uh… should I be feeling guilty about this?" he wondered. He shook the 8-ball.  
_No, because Fox doesn't believe in the rofl pony._  
"Well, that's okay, then, I guess," said Kirby.

_Peach  
Clues: 0  
_"Wow! I found my first clue!" said Peach, looking at a clue she just dug.  
_  
Samus  
Clues: 0  
_"Where is the first clue…" said Samus, to herself, looking around. "Peach?"

_Peach  
Clues: 1  
_"Yay!" said Peach, happily. "I got my first clue! On my go kart!"  
"Go kart!"  
Peach did a twirl on her go kart.  
"Go kart!"  
Peach did a twirl on her go kart.  
"Shut up!" screamed Samus, shooting a heat-seeking guided missile at her.  
"Ow…" said Peach, sadly. "My go kart capsized!"

_9:30 AM_

Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
"Come on, go fast!" said Falcon.  
"Okay," said Donkey Kong. "For our next task, I think we're going to fly a spaceship, or something."  
"Well, in that case, I'll take my ship!" said Falcon, happily.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Okay, Road Block…" said Link, reading. Link put the clue in his pocket and looked at Jigglypuff. "Someone has to fly a spaceship a…"  
Link looked at Jigglypuff.  
"Jig, don't play around with fire hydrants!" said Link, angrily.  
"Jig, Ig Ig…" said Jigglypuff, with her eyes wide open. _"But if I throw them away, I won't join the circus!"  
_"That's it!" said Link, very angrily. "I have a position of responsibility, and I will take that!"  
Link knocked away the five fire hydrants in the air, and heard a huge denting sound.  
"Oops…" said Link. "I think I just damaged some property…"  
Link looked around nervously.  
"Jig, you do it, and I'll bury it…" said Link, sweating. "Okay? And this never hap-"  
Link looked at Jigglypuff, and then knocked another twelve out of the way.  
"AAGH!" screamed Link.

_Kirby  
Clues: 5  
_"Now go 24km north-east," read Kirby.  
Kirby looked nervously, and then looked at the magic 8 ball.  
"Where is north east?" asked Kirby.  
Kirby shook it. It slipped, landed on Peach's head, and gave her several concussions.  
"That's okay…" said Peach, trying to re-assure. "My haphazard article of Samuel will do fine…"  
"Now how will I find it?" asked Kirby.  
Kirby looked at Samus' ship flying towards the final clue.  
"Now how will I find it?" asked Kirby.  
Kirby looked at Ness' ship flying towards the final clue.   
"Now how will I find it?" asked Kirby.  
Kirby looked at Peach's haphazard article of Samuel.  
"What the?" said Kirby, puzzled.  
Kirby walked back into his ship, and kept on going.

_Ness  
Clues: 5  
_Ness ran out of the ship, and started digging furiously in a giant pit, before being joined by Samus and Kirby.

_Kirby  
Finished Road Block  
_Kirby pulled out a clue and looked.  
"Detour!" said Kirby.

"Detour!" said Master Hand. "In detours, teams must choose between two tasks! In this detour… Destroy or Deploy!  
"In Destroy, teams must get into one of these ships, the type that Fox flies, and then fly it out into an enclosed area. Once there, teams must stay stationery, and shoot down ten moving targets. Once they have done that, teams will receive their next clue! This seems easy, but aiming at the targets without moving the ship may be frustrating!  
"In Deploy, teams must work together to build a small spaceship. When it is assembled, teams will have to push it 50 metres to the main hangar, and if the ships are well-built, teams will receive their next clue. It will be frustrating if the parts aren't together correctly, but teams that can read instructions well should be able to complete this task quickly!"

Kirby got into his ship, and then flew over to where Yoshi is, and then ran out of the space ship.  
"Yoshi, detour!" said Kirby.  
"Yoshi, Yoshi!" _"Which one should we do?"  
_  
_Jigglypuff  
Clues: 0  
_"Iggly?" asked Jigglypuff, looking around the cockpit of a spaceship.  
Jigglypuff drooled, and then pressed a button. The spaceship tipped over, squashing Peach's logic spectrum.

_Peach  
Clues: 1  
_"Well, my dress isn't blue, so I guess I'm stupid!" said Peach, giggling.  
"True," said the rofl pony, holding a napkin while eating bagels.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Here's the place!" said Falcon, looking around.  
Falcon and Donkey Kong ran into the spaceship centre, and looked around and grabbed the clue.  
"Road Block…" read Falcon. "Fly a ship, good!"  
Falcon ran over to his parked ship and looked.  
"Huh? It's buried!" said Falcon, angrily.  
Falcon dug up the sand underneath, and then looked.  
"AAH!" said Falcon, screaming.  
"Just use it, I'm sure it will fly just the same!" said DK, trying to re-assure.  
"Okay!" said Falcon, in slight desperation.

"So," said Link, walking over to Zelda. "How are you doing?"  
"Get away, freak!" said Zelda, angrily. "I'm just not your type!"  
"Sure," said Link. "Then whose type are you? That ugly ape's type?"  
"HE IS NOT UGLY!" screamed Zelda, slashing her sword into Link's chest.  
"Whoa," said Link, a bit scared. "Calm down!"  
"Get it?" asked Zelda, laughing desperately. "Because I'm not normal?"  
Link looked weird, and then got run over by Peach in a go kart.  
"I guess I'm not the only ditzy princess!" said Peach, laughing, who then turned back to the road block course.

_Samus  
Finished Road Block  
_"Good," said Samus, flying her ship over to the front part of the space centre.  
Samus walked out of the spaceship, and then looked at Zelda, continuously clobbering Link.  
"Hey!" said Samus. "Good job!"  
"Thanks," said Zelda, sticking a knife into Link's chest.  
"Could you do that to the ape standing over there?" asked Samus.  
"Uh…" said Zelda nervously.  
Trickles of sweat ran down Zelda's forehead, her heart started to pump slightly faster, Zelda looked around, trying to find an excuse instead of revealing the truth. She looked around, wiped the sweat off her forehead, and then tried to think of the best excuse she could think of. Zelda tried to look down at the ground, away from Samus. But then she took a small glance at Samus, and then it came to the Hyrulian princess. It was an ingenious idea! Samus would never know about her secret crush on Donkey Kong! She took a small breath, exhaled, and then closed her eyes to try and stop herself getting an anxiety attack. She embraced the nice clean air, and then braced herself to tell Samus her perfect excuse. She felt a bit nervous, but she could do it. Here we go.  
"It's because…" said Zelda, trying to remain calm. "…I have a secret crush on Donkey Kong."  
Samus looked shocked, and then looked back at Zelda.  
"Come again?" asked Samus.  
"Um…" said Zelda. "I was just saying how uh…"  
Zelda looked around, and then saw a giant eye.  
"I …"  
Zelda looked up at a billboard of Crazy Hand saying: 'I LIEK THIS PRODUCT I ENDORSE!'  
"…like…"  
Zelda looked around, and saw a donkey.  
"…donkey…"  
Zelda looked around and saw a Zebra.  
"Zebra! Hey, why the heck is there a Zebra here?" asked Zelda.  
"I'm on a secret mission to track down Peach!" said the rofl pony. "Obviously you can't tell that my stripes are made from good quality genetically modified tomato paste!"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Which one should we do?" asked Ness.  
"Let's build the spaceship," said Mewtwo.  
Ness and Mewtwo walked over to the spaceship building department, and then looked around, and saw Crazy Hand.  
"HELLO, MI DARLEENGS!" said Crazy Hand.  
"Oh bother, Crazy Hand," said Mewtwo, angrily.  
"DON'T WORRY MY PRETTY FREINDS, BCOS I TOOK MI CRAZY PILLS!" said Crazy Hand. "rANDom CAPitaliSAtion!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Targets: 3  
_"Yoshi, up herr Yoshi, upp herr up Yoshi!" said Yoshi, slightly angrily. _"Why are you shooting at the far-away ones? Shoot at the normal ones!"  
_"Well, the Magic 8 Ball told me to!" said Kirby, happily.  
"Yoshi hup?" asked Yoshi. _"The magic 8 ball? I thought you threw that at Peach! Why the plot inconsistencies?"  
_"Well, uh…" said Kirby, nervously. "I think we need to finish this task now!"  
Kirby put an angry look on his face, shot down seven more targets, and then got the clue.  
"Yoshi, Yoshi!" said Yoshi angrily. _"That doesn't explain anything!"  
_Roy started to melt.  
"Herr!" said Yoshi. _"You guys are so annoying!"_

"Teams must now travel 1 kilometre to 'The Fighting Frog', a popular resort spot in Sector X, which is the pit stop of this leg of the race!" said Master Hand. "The last team to arrive, may be eliminated."  
_  
Samus and Zelda  
Targets: 6  
_"Yes!" said Samus, hitting another target.  
"Oh no!" said Zelda. "Kirby and Yoshi finished!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Let's go!" said Kirby, dragging along. "Taxi!"  
Kirby screamed, and a taxi driver pulled up nearby.  
"Well hello!" said Marth… er… Peppy.  
"Yoshi, hup!" said Yoshi, a bit concerned. _"Kirby, I wouldn't…"  
_"Food!" said Kirby.  
Kirby inhaled Marth, and then started to drive off.

_Samus and Zelda  
Targets: 9  
_"Come on," said Samus, aiming the guns of the ship at a target.  
Samus pulled the trigger, and hit the target.  
"Yes!" said Zelda, happily. "Now let's get a fast taxi driver!"  
"Oh no," said Samus. "We're doing it my style."

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Einstein's theory of relativity: Made Complicated  
_"Come on," said Mewtwo, a bit annoyed. "We've assembled the ship perfectly, and we've even painted it the way that you wanted it!"  
"BUT THERE MUST BEE SPAICE FOR MY YUNG PADAWANS!" said Crazy Hand.  
"Stuff it," said Ness.  
Ness grabbed the clue, and then ran off with Mewtwo.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Go!" said Kirby, running into 'The Fighting Frog'.  
Kirby and Yoshi ran into the building, spotted the world map, and then ran onto it.  
"Kirby and Yoshi, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.  
"Yes!" said Kirby.  
"And boy, are you doing well!" said Master Hand.  
"We're gonna win this," said Kirby.  
"And as the winners of this leg of the race, you get a vacation to Yoshi's Island!" said Master Hand.  
"Yoshi's Island? What a dump!" said Kirby.  
"Uh… Kirby…" said Master Hand.  
"Anyone that is from Yoshi's Island is either some stupid guy, or just a lazy wstupid blob! I mean, don't you just hate people from there?"  
"Kirby…"  
"They are **so** annoying! I mean, they're bickering on about how they saved the world from _Baby _Bowser. Baby Bowser? I mean, come on!" said Kirby.  
"Um… Kirby…"  
"Those pe-"  
Kirby looked at Yoshi, trying to smile.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Samus and Zelda walked in a few seconds after, almost stood on Kirby (who was flat as a pancake) and then looked at Master Hand.  
"Samus and Zelda, you are team number two!" said Master Hand.  
"I guess that's okay," said Samus.  
"At least Link and Jigglypuff didn't beat us to here," said Zelda.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_ "Ness and Mewtwo, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.  
"Well, we're not doing as well as we started, and there are only two legs left," said Mewtwo. "So we're going to make the top four, and then win this race!"

_Peach  
Clues: 5  
_"Wee!" said Peach, happily.  
Peach jumped off her go kart, dug for her clue, got the clue, and then looked off into the distance, where her kart was going in a straight line, still with auto pilot on.  
"Whoops, I guess I shredded my cabbages wrong!" said Peach.

_Falcon  
Clues: 1  
_"What the heck is wrong with this ship?" asked Falcon. "It's like, not moving!"  
"Whoops, sorry!" shouted Peach. "I think I stole your petrol! It's funny how unrelated this is to hand-me-down penguin stools!"__

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
Peach ran out of her go-kart to Bowser.  
"Bowser, detour!" said Peach. "Should we destroy the ships?"  
Bowser read the clue.  
"But I don't want to!" said Bowser. "Someone might get hurt!"  
"I thought you were evil!" said Peach.  
"Shut up," said Bowser. "Let's assemble."

_Jigglypuff  
Clues: 3  
_Jigglypuff walked on foot to the next clue pit (because the ship tipped onto Falcon's ship).  
"Jig!" said Jigglypuff, uncovering a clue. _"Yay!"_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
"Thanks, Crazy Hand!" said Peach, happily.  
Bowser ripped open the clue.  
"Go to 'the fighting frog'," read Bowser.

_Falcon  
Clues: 5  
_"Cool!" said Falcon, finding a clue. "Last one!"

_Jigglypuff  
Finished  
_"Jig!" said Jigglypuff. _"I did it!"_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
"Here it is!" said Bowser, looking around.  
"Peach and Bowser, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.  
"Phew," said Bowser.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Quickly, Jig!" said Link, spotting Jigglypuff.  
Jigglypuff ran over, and showed Link her clue.  
"Destroy or deploy?" asked Link, after reading it.  
"Jig ig," said Jigglypuff. _"Destroy."  
_  
_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"There you are!" said DK. "Let's go!"  
"I reckon we should shoot the targets!" said Falcon.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Targets: 2  
_"Doing well, Jig," said Link, shooting another target.

_Falcon and DK  
Targets: 1  
_"Come on, we have to catch up, they would have done about four!" said Falcon.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Targets: 5  
_"Yes, we're gonna be the ones to crush Falcon and DK!" said Link, happily.

_Falcon and DK  
Targets: 3  
_"Good job, DK," said Falcon.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Targets: 7  
_"He's going for three," said Link, aiming for his third in a row. "He's got it!"

_Falcon and DK  
Targets: 5  
_"Damn, they just got another one," said DK.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Targets: 9  
_"One more, Jig!" said Link.  
Link pressed the fire button, and hit the last target.  
"Yes!" said Link.  
Link and Jigglypuff danced, and then took the clue. Link read it.  
"Pit stop! We're gonna get 'em!" said Link, with determination.

_Falcon and DK  
Targets: 8  
_"Come on, don't worry, two more!" said Falcon.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Taxi! Taxi!" said Link.  
Link waited for a while.  
"They're not coming Jig, they're not coming!"

_Falcon and DK  
Targets: 9  
_"One more, Falcon. Let's hope their taxi breaks down," said DK.  
"Yes," said Falcon, getting the last one.  
Falcon grabbed the clue, and walked out to his F Zero car._  
_"We're going out in style!" said Falcon, happily.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in 5th Place  
_"Look! There's the 'Fighting Frog'!" said Link.  
A speeding car pulled in front of the taxi, and Falcon and DK ran out of it.  
"No!" said Link.  
Falcon and DK ran into the main gate of the building. Link grabbed Jigglypuff in his arms, and ran closely behind. Link tripped up Falcon, and managed to lead. Both two teams ran into the building, and then saw Master Hand.  
"Do something, Falcon!" said DK. "Like lipstick!"  
"Hey Jigglypuff! I've got a pony colouring book!" said Falcon.  
Link was about to step on the world map, when Jigglypuff jumped out of Link's grip, and landed in Falcon's arms.  
"Get him off!" said Falcon.  
Donkey Kong grabbed Jigglypuff, and threw her out of the window. All of the other watching teams applauded.  
"What goes around, comes around!" screamed Samus, at Link and Jigglypuff.  
Link ran out of the building, and Falcon and DK ran up to Master Hand.  
"They like us because we might have got Link and Jigglypuff out of the race!" said Falcon, stepping on the map.  
"Well, you're still in (damn)! You are team number five!" said Master Hand.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
Currently in Last Place  
_Link and Jigglypuff walked up to the map.  
"Link and Jigglypuff, you are the last team to arrive!" said Master Hand.  
"Please can this be a non-elimination!" muttered Link to himself.  
"And I'm sorry to tell you, you've both been eliminated from the race!"  
"Oh well," said Link. "We had a good time. I've developed as a role model, and Jigglypuff has learnt a lot. Watch out for us, next season, peoples!"  
Link wigged at the camera, and walked off with Jigglypuff, trying to remain as calm as possible.

**Finish Times:  
**  
Kirby and Yoshi- 10:37 AM  
Samus and Zelda- 10:38 AM  
Ness and Mewtwo- 10:44 AM  
Peach and Bowser- 11:03 AM  
Falcon and DK- 11:20 AM  
**Link and Jigglypuff- 11:20 AM- ELIMINATED**

Five teams are left. Please tell us who do you want, and think will win. 


	9. Leg Nine: Summers

"Last time on A Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand. "Teams went to Sector X!"  
"After being beaten for first place by Link and Jigglypuff, Samus and Zelda, and Kirby and Yoshi came together, to send Link and Jigglypuff off course!"  
"Peach and Bowser, and Falcon and Donkey Kong struggled on the road block, while Jigglypuff held up Link!"  
"Kirby and Yoshi went through the detour easily, which ensured that they finished first! The other two teams managed to go through relatively easily, which made them finish shortly after!"  
"Despite having to go through a spaceship course with a go-kart, Peach managed to finish the road block and the detour quickly, which ensured non-elimination!  
"When Link and Jigglypuff went back on course to the detour, Falcon and Donkey Kong were still struggling!"  
"But with some quick wit at the end, Falcon managed to trick Jigglypuff, so that they could get through, and Link and Jigglypuff would get out of the running for one million dollars!"  
"Two legs remain, who will win A Smashy Amazing Race?"

**The Teams:  
**  
Kirby and Yoshi (Eat buffet)  
Peach and Bowser (Relax by the pool)  
Ness and Mewtwo (Read a book)  
Samus and Zelda (Go to the archery club)  
Falcon and DK (Get a guy to come and… uh… oh &!)

**LEG NINE**

"Kirby and Yoshi arrived at 10:37 AM, they will depart at 10:37 PM!" said Master Hand.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Kirby ripped open the envelope and read.  
"You must now fly to Summers, and go to Club Stoic!" read Kirby.

"Teams must now go to the Club Stoic in Summers! They will find their next clue inside the jazz lounge, provided that they are smart enough to enter – the people at Club Stoic are extremely proficient at sending people away! Uh, please get off my back, Crazy," said Master Hand.

"Yoshi, hup hurr," said Yoshi. _"Now, let's keep our lead, and let nothing distract us!"  
_Kirby saw a Waddle Dee jog down the road nearby them.  
"Hup hurr," said Yoshi. _"Let nothing distract us!"  
_Kirby saw 10 Waddle Dees jog down the road.  
"Hup hurr," said Yoshi. _"Let nothing distract us!"  
_Kirby saw 10 Waddle Dees jog down the road, holding a flag, saying "Follow us, Kirby!"  
"Hup hurr," said Yoshi. _"Let nothing distract us!"_  
Kirby saw 80 million billion Waddle Dees jog down the road, holding a flag, saying "Follow us, Kirby!"  
"Hurr, hup Yoshi?" asked Yoshi, angrily. _"Hoogiman, why do we have do resort to Peach-style humour?"_

Oprah  
"It's probably because you are feeling oppressed, or was neglected as a child. You have to expand your horizons: Life is like a window, if you keep it open, you can guess what's ahead of you. But if you keep it closed, you'll never see what may happen."

"Yoshi hupp Yoshi! Yup Yoshi! Yoshi?" said Yoshi, angrily. _"Shut up Oprah! Right Kirby? Kirby?"  
_Yoshi looked around.  
"Yoshi!" screamed Yoshi. _"Kirby!"  
_Yoshi ran after Kirby.

_Mario-luigi-toad-bowser-kirby-marth-fan116839  
_"HEY, KEN I WRIT EY OHPRAH FEN FIC?"  
_  
WTF Chicken  
_"No."  
_  
Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"You must now fly to Summers, and go to Club Stoic!" read Zelda.  
"We're currently a minute behind Kirby and Yoshi, and we can't let that margin get any bigger!" said Samus. "Kirby and Yoshi are the most consistent team, and they could win because of that. So we have to beat them, or we'll lose the million dollars!"  
Samus and Zelda flagged down a taxi, and then looked at the driver.  
"How come everyone that gets eliminated has to have a guest appearance as a taxi driver?" asked Zelda.  
Jigglypuff, driving the taxi, wound down the window, and looked at Samus.  
"Whoever takes it, crash it," said Samus.  
Jigglypuff nodded, and then Samus and Zelda flagged down another taxi.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Club Stoic," said Ness. "We need a reservation to get in there."  
"Maybe we should find a phone directory," said Mewtwo.  
"Okay, because I have a feeling if we don't, they won't let us in. I was there once before… too horrible to think about…" said Ness.  
"The nearest telephone line is 2kms away. Let's teleport there, hold on to my hand," said Mewtwo.  
Ness squeezed Mewtwo's hand, and they both disappeared, and landed on a soft, grey carpet. Ness observed the place that they were teleported to. It was a small room, with pink walls, and lots of stickers on the walls.  
"Wait, this isn't the phone booth!" said Mewtwo.  
Mewtwo walked around, and then stepped into a red substance. He looked at his paw, smelt it, and then looked at more red substance on the carpet, in a long trail.  
"Blood!" screamed Mewtwo.  
Mewtwo looked at the end of the trail, leading to a barrel, and then looked around, and then saw a laptop.  
"Wait, this is Peach's torture room!" screamed Mewtwo.  
"Let's save whoever was taken hostage here!" said Ness.  
"Help-a me! It's a-me, Luigi!" said a voice from the barrel.  
"Oh," said Ness. "Let's teleport."  
Mewtwo looked at the barrel containing Luigi. "Agreed."  
Ness squeezed Mewtwo's hand, and they landed in a phone booth.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Waddle Dees!" said Kirby, sprinting fast after them.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Hi, can I book a flight to Summers?" asked Ness. "Okay, when does it land?"  
Ness gave the thumbs up to Mewtwo.  
"3:30 PM? Okay," said Ness.  
_Ness and Mewtwo  
On 1st Fox Air Flight  
_Ness hung up the phone, and then looked at Mewtwo.  
"Okay, we'll book Club Stoic," said Ness.  
Ness keyed in some numbers, and then waited for a person on the other end.  
"Hi, can I have a reservation for Ness at 4 today?" asked Ness, twirling the cord with his finger. "Okay? Good!"

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Peach, on this leg, make sure you don't do anything stu-" said Bowser, before turning around. "Hey Peach, what are you doing?"  
"Uh… I didn't give all our money to that fake charity over there, 'Save the beans'?" asked Peach, giving her wallet to a person, with 'Save the beans' on his t-shirt?  
"Peach, why did you do that?" asked Bowser.  
"The skiing resort made out of vegetable extract made me do it?" asked Peach.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Can I book a flight to Summers?" asked Samus, waiting paitiently.  
"Uh," said the Koopa attendant, typing in some numbers to the computer. "It leaves at 12:00, is that okay?"  
_On 1st Fox Air Flight  
_"Yeah, have you seen a pink puffball and a green dinosaur?" asked Samus.  
"No, maa'm!" said the Koopa.  
"Good," said Zelda.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Peach walked over to the taxi, and looked at Jigglypuff.  
"Hi Jigglypuff, can you give us a ride?" asked Peach.  
"Jig, Ig, Iggly puh puff!" said Jigglypuff. _"Samus told me to crash this taxi, and steal Bowser's testicles!"  
_"I like beans too!" said Peach, happily. "It's safe!"  
"Just don't lose our passports, and I'll come i-" said Bowser, before looking at Peach. "Peach! What did you do?"  
"_http/hoogi. brickfilms. com/forum_?" asked Peach, eating their passports.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"You must now fly to Summers, and go to Club Stoic!" read DK.  
"Me and Donkey Kong entered this race to see whether or not our personal relationship would develop and…" said Falcon.  
"Wait, hang on a second there," said DK. "Are you in love with me, or something?"  
"HEY GUESS WHAT I SAID ME AND DK ENTERED THIS RACE TO SEE WHETHER OR NOT OUR PERSONAL **BEANS **WOULD DEVELOP! HAHA! GET IT?" said Falcon, desperately.

_WTF Chicken  
_"Now that is definitely a regulation… WTF?"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Waddle Dees! Mmm… Waddle Dees!" said Kirby, licking his lips.  
Kirby saw the Waddle Dees run off into the distance, over a giant world map. Yoshi caught up to Kirby, and then looked at him.  
"Yoshi, hupp hurr Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Kirby, that's the pit stop!"  
_Kirby and Yoshi walked onto the map, quite confused.  
Master Hand stared at them in utter shock.  
"Hiii!" said Kirby, waving his arms.  
"Uh… Kirby and Yoshi, did you complete all of the tasks?" asked Master Hand.  
Kirby and Yoshi looked at each other for a moment, exchanged smiles, and then looked back at Master Hand.  
"Yes," said Kirby, nodding very rapidly, as if he was lying, but of course he wasn't.  
"Then Kirby and Yoshi, you are definitely the **FIRST TWO TO ARRIVE!** Just step onto the mats like so."  
Kirby and Yoshi stepped on triumphantly, beaming.  
Master Hand cleared his throat.  
"Kirby and Yoshi – oh, and seeing as you're first, I guess you're the first ones to enjoy the free buffet at the 'Summers Generic Hotel'!" said Master Hand. "Kirby and Yoshi, you are team number-"  
Master Hand paused.  
"Kirby and Yoshi?"

_Meanwhile… In the hotel…  
_Kirby scarfed down a bear, two whole turkeys, and a pot full of lamb soup, and then looked at Yoshi.  
"Shouldn't we check in first?" asked Kirby, scarfing down a whole lion.  
"Yoshi, hurr hup!" said Yoshi. _"Naah… I want to eat this bear first."  
_"K…" said Kirby, gobbling down a house made of butters.

Master Hand gasped. "A team… gave up first place… to eat?"  
"Perhaps," said Peach.  
"You're not here!" said Master Hand.  
"Oh," said Peach, teleporting away.

_WTF Chicken  
_"WTF is with the continuity errors?" asked the WTF Chicken.  
"Uh… well," said the rofl pony, sweating. "…**I PWN joo!1111111!**"  
The Rofl Pony picked up his 'LOL' shotgun, and started firing bullets at the WTF Chicken's evil STFU machine.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Peach, how are we going to pay for our flight?" asked Bowser.  
"I can sing!" said Peach, doing a twirl.  
"Peach, no one's going to pay you money to si-" said Bowser, before looking at Peach.  
"Hi everybody at the airport!" said Peach, naked, holding a microphone walking around. "If you want me to put my clothes back on, pay me money!"  
Peach spat out an earring, and then looked at a Koopa, sitting down, staring at her.  
"Hey, how's the weather down there, short person?" asked Peach.  
Peach started giggling, and then kept on giggling, and then started hyperventilating, giggling.  
"Hahaha!" said Peach, clapping her hands.  
"Peach, that's not even-" said Bowser.  
Bowser tried to face Peach, and then turned behind himself, and looked at Peach patting a man.  
"Look at me ma! I'm riding a fox!" said Peach, patting a man.  
"STOP IT!" screamed TEH AIRPORT.  
"Oh look, it's TEH AIRPORT!" said Peach, smiling.  
"I SHALL PAY JOO A MILLIARN DOLLA!" said TEH AIRPORT.  
"WTF?" said Peach, giggling.

_2 seconds later…_

"Well, we got on the 1st Fox Air flight!" said Bowser.

_WTF Chicken  
_"Seriously," said the WTF Chicken. "What is with the continuity errors?"  
"ROFLMAO FF7 CROSSOVAR!111111111" said the Rofl Pony.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Hi, can we book tickets to Summers?" asked Falcon.  
"Yeah, it leaves at midnight," said the Koopa at the check-in desk.  
"Has anyone else booked this flight?" asked Falcon.  
"Yeah, three other teams," said the Koopa.  
"Yes, we're in luck!" said DK.

_1st Fox Air Flight to Summers_

"Samus and Zelda, Ness and Mewtwo, Peach and Bowser and Falcon and Donkey Kong are now on the same flight to the Beach Side Resort of Summers, famous for being in the Earthbound games! When they land, teams must go to the popular local club: Club Stoic!" said Master Hand.

_1st Fox Air Flight Lands  
3:30 PM  
_  
_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"I ordered a taxi on the plane," said Mewtwo, running along with their luggage.  
"Good, that means we can get a head start!" said Ness, running out of the airport.  
Ness and Mewtwo ran out to the taxi deck, and got into their taxi.  
"Club Stoic, please," said Ness.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Taxi!" screamed Samus, running towards a car.  
"Uh… Miss… this is my car…" said a Koopa, sweating.  
"Do you know where Club Stoic is?" asked Samus.  
"Uh… I don't know… I was here a business trip, and I'm going back to mush-" said the Koopa.  
"Good! Drive me there!" said Samus, in a slightly threatening tone.  
"Ooh, can I slit his throat?" said Zelda, pulling out her dagger (Special Princess Edition™).  
"Wait 'till we get there," said Samus patiently.  
"I'm not going to drive you there!" said the Koopa, angrily.  
Samus shot twelve heat-seeking missiles at the Koopa, and then stared angrily for a few seconds. "Drive, or I'll kill you!"  
"Uh… he's dead…" said Zelda, "you stole my kill…"  
"Pwned," said the rofl pony.  
"I'll drive," said Samus, "because, uh, hm…" she rammed the taxi through a wall and out into the street.  
_  
Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Look!" said Bowser. "It's – oh _shoot_, Samus and Zelda are driving their own car."  
"So?" said Peach, who was wearing nothing but a top hat so large that she was trapped underneath it.  
"Peach! Get out of that!" Bowser paused. "Samus and Zelda are extremely reckless, and I bet they're going to go down that One Way Street of Death backwards and end up in first place!"  
"It could be worse," said Peach.  
"Yeah," said Bowser, "we could be behind Kirby and Yoshi, those losers. They're still back at Sector X, aren't they?"  
"Uh… ooh, a car!" said Peach.  
Bowser grabbed the car, shook vigorously, stomped on the driver when he fell out, and hopped in. "Let's go! See if we can beat Samus and Zelda at their own game."  
Peach didn't respond, preferring to shove a fork into her ear, so Bowser dragged her in.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd place  
_"Mewtwo," said Ness, "can you psychically sense it?"  
"What? That you have a royal flush?" said Mewtwo. "Or the exciting car chase that's about to distract camera attention from us?"  
"Both," said Ness.  
"Uh… no," lied Mewtwo.  
"Oh, okay," said Ness.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 2nd place  
_"Woot!" shouted Zelda. "We're going against traffic!"  
"I wanted to say that!" said Samus.  
Zelda looked out of the window. "Great; the beauty and the beast are after us."  
"Which one is driving?" said Samus.  
"The beauty."  
"Oh, not Peach," said Samus, disappointed – if Peach was driving, then those two had lost the leg no matter what.

Bowser brought their car up next to the girls' taxi, and slashed at their tyres with his claw.  
Samus swerved to the right. Peach and Zelda leaped out of their cars and performed a midair high-action slapping fight.  
Bowser and Samus rammed each other into other cars; Peach and Zelda threw gloves at each other.  
Bowser and Samus tried to blow each other up; Peach and Zelda did intimidating ballet dances.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st place  
_"Mmm…" said Kirby. "Pancakes…"

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Peach!" shouted Bowser. "Come back and help – and put your clothes on!"  
Both cars swerved off the road and straight into a shopping mall.  
"Zelda!" shouted Samus. "You're supposed to take out the dagger _before_ you start fighting, not after!"  
"Oh," said Zelda, pulling out her dagger and killing Peach.  
"I'm dead!" said Peach.  
Bowser and Samus ran over lots of people.  
"Hey, Bowser!" said Samus, firing several bombs at him, "let's make an alliance!"  
"Okay!" said Bowser, dodging the bombs.  
Samus and Bowser's cars crashed through a wall and into the main street.  
"Shake hands!" said Samus.  
"Here's a nice handshake!" said Bowser, firing a cannon at Samus.  
"In our country it is necessary to **FIRE MISSILES **at the people we meet!" said Samus, angrily firing 12 missiles at Bowser.  
"That's okay!" said Bowser, squashing Samus with 200 tonnes of metal, killing her.  
Zelda staggered out of the taxi, and walked up to Bowser.  
"Is Samus dead?" asked Zelda, slightly worried.  
"Uh…" said Bowser, scratching the back of his head. "…um… Don't worry, there's no sugar!"  
Bowser tried to smile, and then slowly grabbed a pillow from behind his back, and choked Zelda to death. As she died, she pulled out a laser sword and shot him.  
Suddenly, everyone regenerated, and appeared in front of Club Stoic.

_Continuity Error WTF Chicken  
_"Wait a minute, why did everyone suddenly appear in front of Club Stoic, and why did they suddenly become healthy again?" asked the WTF Chicken.  
"ROFFLES, TEH HARREE POTTAH TETRIS CROSS**OPRAH**!" said the rofl Pony.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_Falcon and DK, sat in the taxi, staring off into blank space.  
"Hey, Falcon," said Donkey Kong. "Maybe we should have some more interesting dialogue, so that the fans like us a bit more?"  
"Yeah, okay," said Falcon.  
"So, who do you like?" said Falcon.  
"Zelda," said Donkey Kong.  
Donkey Kong realised, and then started smacking Falcon repeatedly.  
"GET THOSE THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR HEAD!" screamed DK.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hi, is this Club Stoic?" asked Bowser.  
"No," said a big thug, guarding the door.  
"Then what about the label on your shirt that says, 'Club Stoic'?" asked Bowser.  
"That's… a joke…" said the guard at the door.  
"I get jokes!" said Peach, shoving Bowser aside. "Get it?"  
Peach started giggling uncontrollably, and then tried to inhale a moose.  
_  
Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"How the heck will we get in?" asked Samus.  
"Let's try and persuade him," said Zelda.  
Zelda walked up to the thug at the door.  
"Hi, can I come into Club Stoic?" asked Zelda.  
"This isn't Club Stoic, this is the bank," said the thug.  
"Well, I also need to go to the bank, can I go in?" asked Zelda.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Wow, that person won't let her in!" said Peach.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Did I say it was the bank? I said this is the bakery," said the thug at the door.  
"Well, I need some cinnamon buns."  
"This is a non-cinnamon bun bakery."  
"Well, I want some bread!"  
"This bakery doesn't sell anything."  
"Can I see the manager?"  
"I'm the manager."  
"Why won't you let me in?"  
"Because this isn't a bakery, it's a barber shop."  
"Well, I need a haircut!"  
"Well, they don't give you haircuts in a bakery, do they?"  
"Well, I need to go into the bakery!" said Zelda, angrily.  
"Why, this is the bank!"  
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WASN'T A BANK, IT WAS A BAKERY!"  
"**Well, I don't think you need a haircut!**"  
"**I NEED A HAIRCUT!"  
**"**WELL, YOU CAN'T ENTER!**" said the thug.  
Ness and Mewtwo walked by, gave the thug the reservation note, and then walked in.  
"How come they got in there, then?" asked Zelda, angrily.  
The thug scratched his head. "Uh…" The thug clicked his fingers twice, and the WTF Chicken ran up behind Zelda, and hit her with a bar.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Where's the clue?" asked Mewtwo.  
"Right there," said the bartender, in a friendly manner.  
"Road Block!" said Ness, reading the clue.

"Road Block!" said Master Hand. "A Road Block is a task that only one member of each team can perform! In this Road Block, one member of each team must travel 200 metres to the famous Summers Beach. They must then search **two** **thousand beach** towels for their next clue. This sounds simple, and it is, but only five beach towels have clues under them."

"Should I do it?" asked Ness.  
"I think I should, because I can move around a lot more easily," said Mewtwo.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Yoshi gobbled down a moose, and 3 hamburgers, while Kirby gobbled down the WTF Chicken. However, thanks to continuity errors, the WTF Chicken appeared in a nearby paddock.  
"I guess when to your advantage, continuity errors aren't so bad," said the WTF Chicken, eating a FAO burger.  
"Curse you, WTF Chicken," said the rofl pony, "I'll get you next time."  
_  
Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Oh, that's it," said Samus, firing a missile at the thug.  
Samus walked up angrily, and then looked at the thug.  
"Now will you let us in?" asked Samus, angrily.  
"Uh… Samus… he's dead…" said Zelda.  
"Well, uh… there appears to be a flaw in my plan," said Samus.  
They went inside.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Hey," said Peach. "Should we ask again?"  
"Peach, first of all, he's dead, second of all, I've already told you, six times that we're going inside!" said Bowser, angrily.  
"Oh yeah!" giggled Peach.  
Peach walked up to the door.  
"Mr. Thug, will you let us in now?" asked Peach.  
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.  
"NO?" shouted Peach.  
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.  
"Wow, that person won't let us in too!" said Peach, angrily.  
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.  
"That's mean," said Peach.  
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.  
"That's very mean," said Peach.  
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.  
"That's really mean," said Peach.  
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.  
"That's really very mean," said Peach.  
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.  
"**COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!**" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.  
"**COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!**" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.  
"**COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!**" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.  
"**COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!**" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Here's Club Stoic," said Donkey Kong.  
"Okay, let's go in, and get the clue," said Falcon.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Who'll do it?" asked Zelda.  
"I will," said Samus.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"I'll search towels, Peach," said Bowser, reading the clue.  
"But I wanna do it!" said Peach.  
"Peach, you are incapable of searching things, and you probably can't identify towels!" said Bowser, angrily.  
"Hehe, look!" said Peach, giggling. "I found a towel!"  
"Uh…" said Bowser, sweating. "That's not a towel, that's Luigi's dead carcass."  
"Oh," said Peach. "Do you think I'm ignorant?" asked Peach, angrily.  
"Yes," said Bowser.  
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.  
A fire-breathing pony snuck behind Peach, and took her crown.  
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.  
A 10m long strand of spaghetti came out of Peach's nose, and stole her wallet  
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.  
Wario broke a chair on Peach's back.  
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.  
Wario broke several chairs on Peach's back.  
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.  
Wario broke Peach's skeletal system with several steamrollers.  
"**COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!**" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.  
"**COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!**" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.

_Rofl Pony  
_"I do apologise for the copy and paste **HUMAOR**, I do not apologise for the FAO cannon in your middle heart."

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Uh," said DK, "You can do it, because I have a short attention span."  
"Okay," said Falcon.

_Mewtwo  
_"Wow Ness," said Mewtwo, shouting out loud. "These towels are pretty far apart."  
"Hmm…" said Ness. "Maybe we should form a graph of what people have searched, so we can search in a smaller area."

_Peach  
_"Hey Bowser, I found the clue!" said Peach, cheerfully.  
"You did?" asked Bowser, running up to Peach.  
"Yeah!" said Peach.  
"Uh… Peach, you didn't," said Bowser, "You found a piece of paper that says, 'ginger, ginger, I like ginger'!"  
"Do I still get to keep him?" asked Peach, with puppy dog eyes.  
"Woah," said Bowser, nervously. "It kind of scares me how you can randomly slaughter animals and take off parts of their body."  
"See, here's the puppy dog, and look what I did to its eyes!" said Peach, happily.  
Bowser stared blank eyed at what Peach was holding, and then looked concerned at Peach. "Peach, I don't think anyone would drink a martini glass full of salt water, with an eye-ball as flavour-"  
"I can also take my clothes off!" said Peach, doing a twirl.  
"But-"  
"Hi sir!" said Peach, naked, walking towards a person on a beach chair. "Would you like a cocktail?"  
Bowser stared at Peach, and the person on the chair. "But-"  
"Sure, ma'am!" said the sun bather.  
The person drunk up the whole glass, and swallowed the eyeball.  
"But-"  
"Would you like some extra topping?"  
Peach offered the dead carcass of the dog to the man, in a small beer cup.  
"But-"  
The sun bather ate up the whole dog, and then looked angrily at Peach.

_Lindsay  
_"And now for the punchline…"

_Peach  
_"Did I just eat a bear?" asked the sun bather.  
"If I told you, you probably couldn't **bear** the truth!"  
**insert laugh track here  
**"OMFG, that was funny!" said the rofl pony.

_Mewtwo  
_"Okay, Peach hasn't searched yet, Samus seems to be searching in rows from the left, and Falcon seems to be searching from the right side, I guess that means our best bet, is probably in the middle," said Mewtwo.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Yoshi hurr, Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. _"Hey, have you noticed that the managers are trying to pull us out?"  
_"What managers?" asked Kirby, spitting out a tux.

_Mewtwo  
_"Ah, there's the clue," said Mewtwo.  
Mewtwo opened the envelope, and read it.  
"Detour!" said Ness.  
**  
**"Detour!" said Master Hand. "In a Detour, teams must choose between two tasks, to get their next clue!"  
"In this detour, teams must choose between Sink or Swim!"  
"In Sink, teams must walk to the dock, and scale down ten metres using this old-style waterproof suit, with no air tanks! They must then search around for clams, and inside some of these clams, are their next clue. This seems easy, but getting used to the suit could be challenging, and it may take ages to find any clams!"  
"In Swim, teams must swim against the tide to buoys fifty metres apart. One of these five buoys contains their next clue! This is hard work, but a strong person should be able to complete this quickly!"

"Sink?" asked Ness.  
"Yeah, sure," said Mewtwo.

_Samus  
_"Found anything yet, Samus?" asked Zelda.  
"No Zel, but I found this hallucinogen," said Samus. "Give this to Falcon, would you?"  
"Okay," said Zelda.  
Zelda walked towards Donkey Kong, looked around, and then looked at him.  
"Uh, Donkey Kong," said Zelda, scratching her head nervously. "Do you know where Falcon is?"  
"Uh-" said Donkey Kong, "I think he-"  
Zelda fell over face forward, spilling some hallucinogen onto Donkey Kong's chest.  
"Whoops," said Zelda.  
"No, no, that's okay," said Donkey Kong, slightly drowsily.

_Peach  
_"Uh… Peach," said Zelda, walking over to Peach. "Have you seen Falcon?"  
"I LIKE BOOKS TOO!" said Peach, grabbing the hallucinogen, spilling it over on Zelda's head, and drinking the rest.  
"PEACH! WHAT DID YOU-" said Zelda, before looking twice at Peach.  
(The text in italic is the hallucinated dialogue)  
"Hey Donkey Kong, you're looking quite fine today, nice clothes!" said Zelda, aroused.  
_"Peach, quick! The parade is in two minutes, and I need some clothes or all the other fruit will laugh at me!"_ said the magic pineapple.  
"Okay, what do you want?" asked Peach, dumbly.  
_"Thanks, and you are looking magnificent!" _said Donkey Kong.  
"Shall we say, have a cuddle?" asked Zelda, smiling slyly.  
_"Peach I need your shirt, so the other fruit can't see my 'oh so embarrassing' scars!" _said the magic pineapple.  
"Okay," said Peach, taking off his shirt.  
_"Okay, my darling,"_ said Donkey Kong, taking off his shirt.  
"So you do love me?" asked Zelda.  
_"And take off your skirt," _said the magical pineapple. _"So the other fruit can see my artistic touch."_

Samus  
"Hey Zelda, I found the c-" said Samus, before looking over at Peach, taking off her clothes for Zelda. "Uh… do I need to know about this?"  
**  
**_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Mewtwo, you teleport underwater, even though we both have to go down there, you have to find it," said Ness.  
"Okay," said Mewtwo. "We gotta keep this lead for the final leg."

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Well, I can't swim," said Samus. "So we better go underwater."  
"Okay," said Zelda.  
"We've also got to do it quickly, so we can beat Ness and Mewtwo to first," said Samus.  
"Has it ever occurred to you that Kirby and Yoshi got a really early flight, and they're just about to check in now?" asked Zelda.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Kirby and Yoshi, you better check in before Falcon and Donkey Kong come here!" said Master Hand.  
"But then we have to stop eating!" said Kirby, wolfing down a steak.  
"But you'll get to come back and eat!" said Master Hand.  
"But what if someone else gobbles up the buffet at an alarming rate?" asked Kirby, eating two cheeseburgers.  
"Like…?" said Master Hand.  
"I LIKE FOOD!" screamed Kirby in the throes of his passionate eating.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
"Mewtwo, can you hear me?"_ thought Ness.  
_"Yeah,"_ thought Mewtwo. _"I can hear your thoughts underwater."_  
_"So can I, so you better not think about who you like," _thought Ness, jokingly.  
_"So I shouldn't think about that cute Pichu?"  
"Did you just say that you liked-"  
"BUBBLE GUM POP OOH BUBBLE GUM POP BUBBLE GUM POP BUBBLE GUM POP WENT OUT ONE DAY PEOPLE WENT AWAY MARIO'S GUTS I HAD TO SLAY LAAH FA LA LA!"_ thought Mewtwo, very quickly.  
_"Mewtwo has a crush on Samus!"_ thought Ness, singing teasily.  
_"Yes… Samus… You mean person…"_ thought Mewtwo, in somewhat of a fake tone.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Okay, there's where Sink is!" said Samus, running over to the dock.  
"So we have to put this on?" asked Zelda.  
"Yeah, let's just do it quickly!" said Samus.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
"Got the clue, Ness!" _thought Mewtwo.  
_"Okay, teleport back before Samus and Zelda see where you went!" _thought Ness.  
Mewtwo teleported back to near the dock, and along with Ness, swam up to a ladder, and climbed up.  
"Hey, Ness, Mewtwo, where are the clams?" asked Zelda.  
Ness took off the waterproof suit, and then looked at Zelda. "They're all situated over that way!" said Ness, pointing in the wrong direction.  
"Okay," said Zelda, grabbing one of the waterproof suits.  
"Okay, open the clue," said Ness.  
"You must now travel to the pit stop, the Hotel Generic Summers!" read Ness.

"Teams must now travel two hundred metres to the last pit stop of the race, the Hotel Generic in Summers, famously known for its unlimited buffet!" said Master Hand. "Teams must check in as fast as they can, as the last team to arrive, will be eliminated!"

"Let's go!" said Ness. "It's only a quick walk down the road!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Must… get… Kirby and Yoshi… to check-in… so Falcon and Donkey Kong… don't win…" muttered Master Hand, trying to grab Kirby out of his chair.  
"Must… get… maximum… use… out of… unlimited… buffet…" said Kirby, trying to sit down and eat a garden salad.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"There it is, Hotel Generic!" said Ness.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Check-in now, Kirby!" said Master Hand. "Ness and Mewtwo are coming!"  
"But what if someone took our table?" asked Kirby, looking around at the restaurant, lacking patrons due to fear of being mistaken for a food dish.  
"That's it, I have to go!"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 1st Place  
_Ness and Mewtwo ran up to the world map, and looked at Master Hand.  
"Are we first?" asked Mewtwo.  
"Ness and Mewtwo, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.  
"Yes," said Ness, doing a hi-fi with Mewtwo.  
"And I have some good news, you receive a holiday, along with a lifetime pass to Mario Land, to Mushroom Kingdom! Some better news, you are one of four teams that will race to the finish line, to win one million dollars!" said Master Hand.  
"Yeah," said Ness.  
"Then where's Kirby and Yoshi?" asked Mewtwo.  
"If they checked in properly, they would be team number one, but instead, they went off to eat the unlimited buffet!"  
"Okay," said Mewtwo. "I hope that our trick will give us enough of a lead."  
**  
**_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_Zelda did a signal that meant that they would go to the surface of the water.  
"We're seventy metres away from the dock," said Zelda. "You think that they tricked us?"  
"Yeah, let's go the other way," said Samus.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Peach, hurry up and look under towels!" said Bowser, impatiently.  
"Okay, okay, chill dude," said Peach. "It's not like I'm going to find the clue in 2005!"  
"It is 2005!" said Bowser.  
"Whoops, forgot to update my watch!" said Peach, cheerfully.  
Peach got out a marker pen, erased '2004' off her hand, and wrote '2005'.  
"Heh, I guess gingivitis prevention squad win again!" said Peach.  
"Just search!" said Bowser, angrily.  
"Okay!" said Peach, dumbly.  
Peach went into the centre of the laid out towels, and then took a towel off from the beach. Peach picked up the clue, and looked disappointingly at Bowser.  
"No clue," said Peach.  
"Then what's that in your hands?"  
"Gelati?"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Kirby looked over and Ness and Mewtwo, and then looked at Yoshi.  
"Should we go check in?" asked Kirby.  
"Yoshi hurr," said Yoshi. _"Naah, can't be bothered."_

Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Currently in Last Place  
"I found a clue!" said Falcon, taking a clue out from under a towel.  
"Okay, come on, we've got to catch up!" said Donkey Kong.  
"Sink or Swim? Swim against the tide, or search underwater?" asked Falcon.  
"We'll swim!" said Donkey Kong. "Swimming against the tide should be a breeze!"

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Hehe! Iron!" said Peach, doing a twirl.  
"Peach, come on, and swim against the tide!" said Bowser, angrily.  
"But my goldfish, he'll drown!" said Peach, crying.  
"Peach, First of all, goldfishes **live **when underwater. Second of all, if you stay out of the water, it will **die**!" said Bowser.  
"Of course I knew that, I was just testing how you would respond after I pretended to be dumb, therefore making you the fool!" said Peach, poking her tongue out.  
"Peach, did you say something smart?" asked Bowser.  
"No, I just wanted to take advantage of this bag!" said Peach, hitting herself with a narwhale.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Phew, that was tough going the other way," said Zelda, walking up to the world map.  
"Samus and Zelda, you are team number two!" said Master Hand. "And, I have some good news, you are one of the four teams that will race to the finish line, to win a million dollars!"

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Bowser, watch out for the bikini whale!" said Peach.  
"Right…" said Bowser.  
"Heh, I guess I found one of those clue things!" said Peach.  
"Peach, you didn't find a clue, you somehow managed to pull one of the buoys out onto the beach!" said Bowser.  
"And look, there's a clue inside it!" said Peach, pulling it out.  
Bowser took the clue, and then read it.  
"You must now make your way to Summers Generic Hotel, which will be the last pit stop… come on Peach, let's go!" said Bowser.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Hey look, the clues are on the beach!" said Falcon.  
"Quickly, read it!" said Donkey Kong, passing the clue to Falcon.  
"You must now make your way to Summers Generic Hotel… come on, that's the pit stop!"

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Come on Yoshi, let's check in!" said Kirby, dragging Yoshi out of his table.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"There's the hotel!" said Bowser. "Walk faster, Peach!"

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"This can't be the end, we've got to run there," said Falcon.  
"Pick up the pace!" said Donkey Kong, jogging.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Look, a slurpee machine!" said Kirby, dragging Yoshi away from the direction of the pit stop.  
"Yoshi, hurr hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi. _"Don't let anything distract you!"_

Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 4th Place  
"There's the world map!" said Bowser.  
Bowser dragged Peach along onto the pit stop.  
"Peach and Bowser, you are team number three!" said Master Hand. "And you are one of four teams who will race to the finish line, to win a million dollars!"

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Here's the hotel!" said Falcon.  
"Go! We might still have a chance!" said Donkey Kong.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in 4th Place  
_"Yoshi, hurr hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi, trying to pull Kirby off the slurpee machine. _"Get off, a million dollars can't be worth less than a slur- hey, this is good slurpee!"  
_Yoshi got a cup, and started sculling slurpees.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Pit stop!" said Falcon, walking onto the map.  
"No, this can't be happening! They got here from the begin- I shouldn't have told them about- Why did I- AARGH! FALCON AND DONKEY KONG, YOU WIN, YOU GET TO RACE TO THE FINISH! YOU ARE TEAM NUMBER FOUR! Why? Why? DYEWTFYUASYAAARGH!" screamed Master Hand.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Looks like Falcon and Donkey Kong checked in," said Kirby.  
"Yoshi hurr," said Yoshi. _"Oh well, at least we get slurpee."_

"Out of four couples, who will be the team to break through, and win?" asked Master Hand.  
_  
Ness and Mewtwo  
_"There's no doubt about it, we've got the lead, we can keep the lead, it's not about staying in the race, it's about winning," said Mewtwo.

_Samus and Zelda  
_"Even though we haven't won a leg, we are the most consistent team, and we know we are better than others, we just haven't tried," said Samus.  
"We're going to have to play a dirty game, use everything we can to win, we've done a few things before, but now it's rough," said Zelda.

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
_"I reckon, that us coming second last every time, means that we're going to win, I just have that strange feeling, and we know we can do it," said Falcon.

"Four teams are left, who will win, a Smashy Amazing Race?" asked Master Hand.

**Finish Times:  
**  
Ness and Mewtwo: 4:41 PM  
Samus and Zelda: 4:47 PM  
Peach and Bowser: 5:02 PM  
Falcon and Donkey Kong: 5:04 PM  
**Kirby and Yoshi- Did not check in- ELIMINATED!  
**  
Note from Hoogiman: Kirby and Yoshi were my favourite team. However, I couldn't resist this ending, and what would they do with the money, buy more food? Keep on cheering, next leg is the last official leg.

http/ hoogi. brickfilms. com/forum


	10. Final Leg: Mushroom Kingdom

This is it. The final leg.

"Last time on a Smashy Amazing Race, twelve teams departed from Smash Mansion, on a race around the Nintendo Universe!" said Master Hand.  
"Some teams took the race seriously…" said Master Hand.  
_"DON'T…" shouted Samus, forcing a crowbar into the front window of Mario and Luigi's convertible.  
"RAM…" continued Samus, throwing a brick forcing Mario's cap off.  
"YOUR CAR…" continued Samus, lighting a stick of dynamite and throwing it into Mario's car.  
"INTO…" growled Samus, ramming the taxi into the other car.  
"OUR…" continued Samus, while hitting Luigi with a saucepan.  
"CAR!" shrieked Samus. Mario and Luigi's car blew up, and fell into a river right near the road.  
_"Some teams took it so seriously, that they would take it out on each other…"  
_"JUST SHUT UP!" said Nana. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?"  
"I HATE YOU, NANA!" said Popo.  
_"While some teams took this not so seriously…"  
_(Introduction Melody)  
**Link: **You can talk,  
**Jiggly: **I can talk!  
Though my voice is made by Spork™,  
I can walk around happily!  
**Link: **You can walk?  
**Jiggly: **I can walk,  
I can trot around and talk,  
When I sing to a melody,  
_"…and some decided to buy things…"  
_"It's a universal remote control…" said Kirby.  
"Stupid-o-meter…" said Kirby.  
"…I-Pad…"  
"…magic 8 Ball…"  
_"While some used it as an opportunity to teach!"  
_"Well, Ganondorf hasn't properly prepared the muffins, his hands are dirty, and he hasn't taken out the syringes! This is not a properly prepared treat, Jigglypuff!" said Link.  
_"Eliminated teams tried to stuff up the results!"  
_"Well if it isn't Mrs. Push Falco out of a window?" said Falco. "Well guess what, Jigglypuff, I'm going to kill you!"  
_"Some teams were victorious…"  
_"Yeah!" shouted Mewtwo.  
"Woohoo!" shouted Ness.  
"Yeah!" said Kirby.  
"Woo!" shouted Kirby.  
"Come on!" shouted Link.  
"Yeah!" shouted Kirby.  
_"While others weren't…"  
_"Mario and Luigi…"  
"Marth and Roy…"  
"Fox and Falco…"  
"Pichu and Pikachu…"  
"Young Link and Ganondorf…"  
"Nana and Popo…"  
"Link and Jigglypuf…"  
"Kirby and Yoshi… I'm sorry to tell you, you've both been eliminated from the race!"  
_"Some teams managed to hang in by a thread…"  
_"Falcon and DK…"  
"You are team number eleven!"  
"You are team number ten!"  
"Nine!"  
"Eight!"  
"You are the last team to arrive… but it's a non-elimination leg! WHY!"  
"Seven! AAH!"  
"SIX! DAMN!"  
"**FIVE!**"  
"**FALCON AND DONKEY KONG, YOU WIN! YOU ARE TEAM NUMBER FOUR! YOU GET TO RACE TO THE END! DYEWTFYUASYSAAARGH!**"  
_"But some teams let go of the thread…"  
_All of them four ran into the room at the same time, but Falcon whipped Roy with a handbag.  
"You have a HANDBAG!" asked Donkey Kong.  
"It's just a backpack!" screamed Falcon. "Really!"  
"Then why has it only got one…"  
"There's the finish line!"  
"Falcon and DK, you are team number ten! And that means Marth and Roy, you are unfortunately eliminated."  
_"Will Friends Samus and Zelda finally manage to win a leg, the million dollar leg? Or can Ness and Mewtwo keep the lead, and win the race? Or will one of the other teams manage to get a victory from behind? This is it, who will win - 'A Smashy Amazing Race'?"

**The Teams:**

Peach and Bowser (I'd give ten dollars for Peach to fund her 'Friendship Club', and the rest I would spend on nuclear weapons to blow up unsuspecting villages.)  
Ness and Mewtwo (We would use the money to fund research to diseases, or candy.)  
Samus and Zelda (More missiles.)  
Falcon and DK (I would spend my half of the money to get surgery, so technically Donkey Kong and I could have chil- oh, is this on cam  
era? No no, cut that out! Please! Please! PLEASE! You sick freak! slap Ow!)

"Ness and Mewtwo arrived at 4:41PM, they will depart at 4:41 AM!" said Master Hand.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"You must now make your way to Mushroom Kingdom," read Ness.

"Teams must now fly to Mushroom Kingdom, and go to 'Princess Gardens', home of the biggest known maze in the universe! They must then complete the maze, then they will find their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"Okay, book tickets early, that worked last leg," said Ness.  
"Okay, and you better call for a taxi in Mushroom Kingdom afterwards," said Mewtwo.  
"I think that we can keep this six minute lead, and use this to our advantage, because we can definitely outwit the other teams," said Ness, in a voiceover.  
"Hello? Mushroom Air? Hi, I'd like to book the next available flight to your hub, Mushroom Kingdom!" said Ness. "What, 6:00PM? Okay. What time in Mushroom Kingdom does it land? 3:00 AM, local time? Can you get me two seats near the front? You can? Okay, bye!"  
"Yeah, okay, book a local tour guide ahead of time for 3:30 AM," said Ness.  
"Okay," said Mewtwo, picking up the phone. "Hello, can I have a local tour guide for 4:00 AM, tomorrow morning at the airport? Okay? Thanks."  
"Yes, we got it," said Mewtwo.  
"While we're at it, shouldn't we book a taxi for here?" asked Ness.  
"Yeah, I guess," said Mewtwo, picking up the phone again. "Hey, I don't have any more quarters in the local currency! HELP! NOW HOW CAN WE ORDER A TAXI?"

_Currency Exchange Man  
_"Hark, a soul missing a quarter? Don't worry, Currency Exchange man is here to save the day!" said Currency Exchange Man, swooping across the skies, flying into Summers.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hey look, it's currency exchange man!" said Ness, pointing up into the sky.  
"Hi, kiddies, do you need a quarter?" asked Currency Exchange Man, flying down next to the phone booth.  
"Yes," said Ness.  
"Do you have any change, so I can make it into quarters?" asked Currency Exchange Man.  
"No," said Mewtwo.  
"Oh well, here's the quarter that you needed!" said Currency Exchange Man, triumphantly.  
"Thanks! How can I repay you, currency exchange man?" asked Ness.  
"Blow j- oh wait… you're boys… uh… I'm just doing my job!" said Currency Exchange Man, flying into the skies.  
"An everyday local hero," said Ness, looking admiringly up into the clouds.

_Samus and Zelda  
Departed at 4:47 AM  
_"You must now make your way to Mushroom Kingdom," read Zelda. "You must then go to the Princess Gardens, home of the world's biggest maze, and complete it. Then you will find your next clue!"  
"Me and Zelda today, when we go to that airport, we are going to verbally negotiate as well as we can. And if we can't negotiate verbally, then we'll negotiate violently! So violently, that I'll probably have to spend half my life savings on coffins, and more ammo," said Samus.  
"So we're gonna get on an earlier flight than Ness and Mewtwo, no matter what!" said Zelda.  
Samus and Zelda walked out of the hotel, and looked at the taxi rank.  
"Taxi!" screamed Samus.  
Samus spotted a taxi, and ran up to it.  
"Hi, can we have a flight to the airport?" asked Zelda.  
"I'm sorry," said the talking taxi (talking everyday objects are common in Earthbound games), "This taxi is already booked."  
"Please?" asked Samus, trying to do a cheesy grin, which would've worked better if it wasn't for her helmet.  
"No, it's against taxi policy rules," said the taxi.  
"Oh, by the way, how much does a coffin for a taxi your size cost?" asked Samus.  
"Um… About $10,000, why do you ask?"  
Samus took her helmet off and smiled sweetly. Zelda pulled out a gun.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hey look, there's lots of bullets in our taxi!" said Ness, spotting a taxi driving away.  
"Darn it, how will we get to the airport now?" asked Mewtwo.  
"How about you teleport as far as you can?" asked Ness.  
"Whatever," said Mewtwo, grabbing Ness's hand.

_Samus  
Current coffin bill: $10,000  
_"Okay, this is good, stay aggressive, and we can take the lead," said Samus.

_Peach and Bowser  
Departed at 5:02 AM  
_"You must now make your way to Mushroom Kingdom," read Bowser. "You must then go to the Princess Gardens, home of the world's biggest maze, and complete it. Then you will find your next clue!"  
"Peach, we could win this race, you know," said Bowser. "You know your way around Mushroom Kingdom, so that's surely an advantage!"  
"Well, I don't go outside of my castle, I make Toad do it!" said Peach.  
Peach grabbed Toad from her pocket, with a knife lodged all the way through his head, so deep, that it was sticking out from the other side.  
"Whoops, I guess that's what you get when you let Peach tranquilizer dart you in the head, and then you fall asleep, and then Peach hits you with a baseball bat several times in the head, and then bathes you in bubble bath, before being dropped into a knife standing up vertically due to my lack of logic and gravity!" said Peach.  
"Peach, what the…" said Bowser, before being interrupted.  
"Well, I'm not the one that burnt down Bowser's castle after an incident with a shampoo truck when I was twelve," said Peach, angrily.  
"Yes, you are," said Bowser.  
"I hate you now," scoffed Peach.  
For no apparent reason, Peach and Bowser suddenly appeared in the airport.  
"Yay!" said Peach.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hi, when's the next flight to Mushroom Kingdom?" asked Samus.  
"Um…" said the Koopa at the check-in desk. "It leaves at 6:00, but the whole flight is full!"  
"Will you be willing to give up your seat for me?" asked Samus.  
"Uh, Miss, I don't have a sea-"  
Samus shot a missile at the Koopa and looked around.  
"Can anyone spare a seat for me to the Mushroom Kingdom?" shouted Samus, walking around looking angrily at people.  
"How about you?" asked Samus, leaning down and looking at a random Koopa.  
"Uh- Uh- Miss, I'm not going to Mushro-" said the Koopa, before being shot at by a missile.  
"Not a very nice gentleman, are you?" asked Samus. "Now who would like to give up their seat for me?" asked Samus, cheerfully.  
About 50 passengers willingly ran up to Samus and gave them their tickets.

_Falcon and DK  
Departed at 5:04 AM  
_"This is the final leg," said Falcon, opening the clue. "And I reckon, after all of these times that we have came second last, I think that was a sign for us to win the million dollars!"  
"You must now make your way to Mushroom Kingdom," read Falcon. "You must then go to the Princess Gardens, home of the world's biggest maze, and complete it. Then you will find your next clue!"  
"This is it, this is our chance to prove it!" said Donkey Kong.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Zelda," said Peach. "Can we have some of your tickets?"  
"No," said Zelda, angrily. "We're not going to give the game up for you! We've got to win!"  
"Dear Diary," read Peach, off a piece of paper. "I am finding Donkey Kong extremely-"  
"NO! NO! NO! NO! SHADDUP! YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!** I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM! HAHA! HAHA! YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING AT ALL! **IN FACT, **YOU ARE A FOOL! GAHAHA! GAHAHA! BLAHAHAHA! GRNEHAAHAA!**" said Zelda, making really weird Zebra sounds.  
Peach, Bowser and Samus stared blankly at Zelda.  
"I guess that means you want me to continue!" said Peach, giggling. Peach looked at the diary, and continued reading. "I am finding Donkey Kong extremely-"  
"HEY! GUESS WHAT PEACH? YUhuHUhuHUhuHUhu HAVE A TICKET!" said Zelda, desperately. "You know what, have **FOUR **tickets! **BLERGEN! HURR! RECK!**"  
Zelda make some more sounds like a Zebra choking on anti-depressants.  
Peach and Bowser walked off, looking quite confused.  
"Don't you think Zelda is a bit over-reactive?" asked Bowser.  
"Yeah," said Peach. "She started screaming when I started reading my diary!"  
"What? I thought that was her diary!" said Bowser, snatching Peach's diary from her hands.  
"Dear Diary, I am finding Donkey Kong extremely like a pear. Like, you know how pears have wings? Well, I reckon Donkey Kong has wings! That's why this diary will explode four seconds after someone reads it aloud!" read Bowser, confused.  
"Hey wait," said Bowser. "That means that this diary will explode!"  
The diary exploded, killing all of the contestants, which meant that Sonic won the race.  
**THE END**  
…  
…  
…   
FINNAR.  
GO HOME.

_WTF Chicken  
_"Now that is a level four, WTF?"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Hi, we'd like to check in," said Ness, looking at the only check-in desk Koopa that was still alive.  
"Okay," said the Koopa, taking the tickets.  
"Has anyone else got the 6:00 flight?" asked Ness.  
"Yes, one other team has," said the Koopa.  
"Damn, I thought that would give us an advantage!" said Ness.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hey Ness, have you got the 6:00 flight?" shouted Zelda, looking at Ness and Mewtwo coming towards them.  
"Yeah, are you the only other ones?" asked Ness.  
"No, someone…" said Samus, glancing over at Zelda sarcastically. "…gave Peach and Bowser one of our 50 tickets!"  
"Oh well, at least Falcon and Donkey Kong won't get tickets!" said Ness, optimistically.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Hi Falcon!" said Peach, cheerfully, walking up to Falcon. "I think Donkey Kong is a pear! Do you want a ticket?"  
"Uh… I guess babe…" said Falcon, looking confused.  
"Here you go!" said Peach.  
Peach did a twirl, and then looked at Bowser.  
"I think this is really good strategy giving Falcon and Donkey Kong tickets!" said Peach.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Since Falcon and Donkey Kong don't have any tickets to our flight, none of us will come last!"

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"I think this is really good strategy giving Falcon and Donkey Kong tickets!" said Peach.  
_  
Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Since Falcon and Donkey Kong don't have any tickets to our flight, none of us will come last!"

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"I think this is really good strategy giving Falcon and Donkey Kong tickets!" said Peach.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Since Falcon and Donkey Kong don't have any tickets to our flight, none of us will come last!"

_Rofl Pony  
_"Dubbayou Tee-Eff?"

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Wow, already? Last Flight, Samus," said Zelda.

"All teams are now on the Mushroom Air flight to Mushroom Kingdom that will land at 3:30 AM, local time! Teams must then travel to Princess Garden, and complete this maze, where they will find their next clue! Teams must hurry, as the finish line is near!" said Master Hand.

_1st Mushroom Air Flight Lands_

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Good thing I got seats near the front!" said Ness, running out of the plane. "Do you know which one's our taxi?"  
"Yes," said Mewtwo, running out the main entrance of the airport. "There's a taxi labelled 'Koopa Taxi Services',"  
"There it is," said Ness, pointing to a blue taxi.  
Ness ran over to a taxi, and ran in.  
"Hi, this is the taxi for Ness and Mewtwo, right?" asked Ness.  
"Yes," said the dark taxi driver.  
"Mewtwo, get in!" said Ness.  
Mewtwo levitated into the taxi, and sat himself down. The taxi didn't appear to move.  
"Are you going to move?" asked Ness, impatiently. "This is the last leg, you know!"  
"I know," said the taxi driver, in an evil-ish voice.  
"So?"  
"So what?"  
"That's it, we're leaving!"  
Ness was just about to open the car-door from inside, when suddenly, Ness heard a clicking sound. Ness tried to pull the lever, but the car door wouldn't budge.  
"Hey, Mr. Driver! The door won't budge!" said Ness.  
"I know!" said Ganondorf. Ganondorf took his head off from his head rest, and then smiled grimly at Ness and Mewtwo.  
"Hey, you can't trap us in here!" said Ness, shaking the car door. "Why us?"  
"Do you remember a particular incident in leg three?" asked Ganondorf, smiling.  
"No," said Ness.  
"Neither do I, but you two are nerds, so you're staying here!" said Ganondorf.  
"Hey, I'm not a nerd!" said Mewtwo.  
"Yeah, we're not nerds!" said Ness.  
"What are you talking about? You are, little kid, but I'm just skilled, but you're just a nerd!" said Mewtwo, poking his tongue out.  
"It's not helping!" said Ness, angrily.  
"Oh, sorry," said Mewtwo.  
"You can try and smash the windows all you want, but Samus and Zelda will get a comfortable win, from now," said Ganondorf.  
"You're letting Zelda win?" said Ness.  
"Oh- &&!" said Ganondorf.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_Samus and Zelda sprinted out of the plane, before seeing a giant queue lining up for the check-in desk.  
"Samus, how are we going to get through this?" asked Zelda.  
"I don't know!" said Samus.  
"I know," said Zelda, walking along, when she suddenly fell into a hole.  
"OH NOES! TRAPPORZ!1111 EYE CAN'T GET OUT FROM TEH HOLE!" said Zelda.  
Samus looked shocked, and then looked at the cameraman. "OH NOES! MURDER!111111111"  
"There is no murder…" said the Koopa cameraman.  
Samus shot the Koopa several times.  
"OH NOES! MURDER!11111111" said Samus.  
"OH NOES! TRAPPORZ!1111" said Zelda.  
"We can't go anywhere without you!" said Samus, shocked.  
"OH NOES!" said Zelda.  
"WHO WELL SAYVE ZELDAH/" asked Samus. "Oh look, it's Link!"  
Link walked triumphantly from about eighty-metres away, pulling his sword out from his belt, as if there was a fanfare awaiting his arrival. He smiled at Zelda, and slowly walked up to her. He tied a rope around his sword, and using the sword-  
"Excuse me Sir, but you didn't pass customs," said a Goomba, pulling Link back a few metres.  
"Don't worry, Zelda! I'll save you soon!" said Link, shouting out, as Goombas dragged him away.

_Link  
_"What is the reason that you came to Mushroom Kingdom?" asked the anthropomorphic flamingo at the customs desk.  
"To save Zelda," said Link.  
"Okay, can I see your passport?"  
"Yes," said Link, grabbing his passport.  
"Hmm…" said the flamingo, studying it. "You needed a new passport from yesterday."  
"What? But I just got this!"  
"Sorry, that's an on-the-spot fine of 100 dollars," said the flamingo.  
"Okay," said Link. Link reached into his wallet, and took a few minutes to take out notes that added up to 100 dollars.  
"HOW LONG WILL YOU TAKE?" screamed Zelda.  
"NOT LONG, HONEY," said Link, passing the notes to the flamingo.  
"Okay, thank you," said the flamingo. "Do you have anything to declare?"  
"No," said Link.  
"Can I check your bags?"  
"Yes."  
The flamingo opened up Link's suitcase, looked inside it, and then looked back at Link with a traumatized expression.  
"Why are there all these Danapol™ tablets in here?" asked the flamingo.  
"I didn't put it there, unless-"

_Ganondorf  
_"HA HA HA!" laughed Ganondorf menacingly, after realising his plan worked.  
"Ha ha ha," laughed Ganondorf slyly, after noticing what magazines Link had been reading…

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_Falcon and Donkey Kong ran out of the plane, Donkey Kong holding his luggage under his arms.  
"Come on, Falcon, we'll be late!" said Donkey Kong. "Hey, have all the other teams already left?"

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Come on Peach, don't stop at any gift shop, we have to get off quickly!" said Bowser.  
"Hehe, 'My little pony' goes to college!" said Peach, being dragged away.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hey look, there's Ness and Mewtwo!" said Donkey Kong, pointing at a taxi.  
"Hey, what are they doing there?" asked Falcon.  
"Let us out!" said Ness, banging on the windows.  
"Should we?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"No," said Falcon.  
"Why not?" asked Donkey Kong.  
"Hey DK, remember what I said at the start of this leg? This could be our chance to shine! This is our chance to show how good we are to others! This could be how we can prove that we are better than all of the other teams, with a fair, and equal chance!" said Falcon, triumphantly.  
"So you're going to keep Ness and Mewtwo locked up in a car?" said Donkey Kong, blankly.  
"Shut up," said Falcon.

_Link  
_"Would you like one of our super savers accounts?" asked the flamingo.  
"What, in customs?" asked Link.  
"Are you interested in some of our car insurance?"  
"No, why did you ask- wait, since when do customs have car insurance?"  
"Uh…"  
"Are you legitimate?" asked Link, angrily.  
"Uh…" said the pink flamingo, slowly backing away. "I think I have a…"  
The flamingo looked at a shop sign.  
"…Jloria Geans™ Coffee recital to go to… where we perform our Jloria Geans™ Coffees…"  
The flamingo exited abruptly.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Ah, Princess Gardens!" said Donkey Kong, looking out from the taxi.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Ah, Princess Gardens!" said Peach, looking out from the taxi.

_Jigglypuff and Rofl Pony  
_"Ah, Princess Gardens!" said Jigglypuff, even though she couldn't understand, or comprehend a single word of the English language, therefore, firstly, being out of character, and secondly, making some huge plot inconsistencies that could ruin the story, and the author's credibility from now on.  
"What are you smoking?" asked the rofl pony.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hey, isn't that Peach and Bowser in the other car?" asked Falcon.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hey, isn't that Peach and Bowser in the other car?" asked Peach.  
"Yeah…" said Bowser, staring.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Come on Falcon, get out, this is our chance to win!" said Falcon. "Cue the montage!" said Falcon in a triumphant pose.  
"Uh… how do we do a montage in a book?" asked DK.  
"Er… Hey look, Peach and Bowser are running out!"  
"Well, come on, let's beat them!" said DK, angrily.  
"I can't! The car door is suddenly stuck!" said Falcon, pushing against the door.  
"Then open it!"  
"I can't!"  
"Oh really?"  
"Yeah really."  
"OH RLY?"  
"YA RLY."  
…  
…  
…  
…  
"**I'LL KILL YOU!**" screamed Donkey Kong.  
Donkey Kong reached his hands over to Falcon's neck, when Falcon managed to open the door, and run out. Donkey Kong smashed open the window, (which happened to be made out of weaved sugar, like the movie studios do) and then jumped out, even though it wasn't possible for an ape his size to jump through a gap that small.  
AHH AHHHAAAHHAAA AHH AHH AHH said Falcon running and without any punctuation  
"I'LL GET YOUR LITTLE NECK AND GRIND IT UP!" screamed Donkey Kong chasing Falcon into the start of the giant maze.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hey, we're still seeing the red dots, I think that means that we've got the right route!" said Peach.  
"AHHAAHHHAAAAHHAAAA!" screamed Falcon, clobbering Peach and Bowser over, and running through the maze.  
Just as they were about to get out, Donkey Kong ran over Peach and Bowser again, and somehow followed Falcon's route precisely.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"I'LL KILL YOU!" screamed Donkey Kong, running out to the end of the maze.  
"NOOOOO!" screamed Falcon, who then was spear-tackled by Donkey Kong into the clue box.  
"Hey," said Donkey Kong. "Those are the clues!"  
Donkey Kong opened a clue and read.

"Teams must now travel to 'Wario Burger™', and they must eat a small burger each. However, this is a standard size Mushroom Kingdom burger, so it may take a normal human 40 minutes to eat," said Master Hand.

"Hey, I think this is the last task, and because we're first, if we can eat burgers, we can win!" said Falcon.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hey, can you hear that? I think they've got the clues!" said Bowser.  
"Maybe we can trace their footsteps in the dirt!" said Peach.  
"Or maybe we can just walk through the giant cartoon-like holes in the walls," said Bowser.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"We're trapped in a taxi, and the person that can let us out is dead! What do we do now? How do we escape?" asked Mewtwo.  
"Why don't we climb through the big space where the boot (luggage compartment) used to be?" asked Ness.  
"Maybe we should."  
"Why didn't we think of that before?"  
"_Insert witty joke here_" said Mewtwo.  
"_Insert witty reply here_" said Ness.  
"_Insert inappropriate joke bagging how stupid the president is_" said Mewtwo.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Thanks Link for getting out of the hole," said Zelda.  
"Yes," said Link.  
"Okay," said Samus.  
"?" said the rofl pony.  
(I am so sorry for the last three paragraphs.)

_At the finish line…  
_"What? Falcon and Donkey Kong are first, and Peach and Bowser are second? What happened?" said Master Hand, talking on the phone to a cameraman.  
"The other teams somehow managed to get trapped, one team in a hole, the other in a car," said the cameraman.  
"Okay, penalise Falcon and Donkey Kong 15 minutes," said Master Hand.  
"But… for what?"  
"For murder! …What? what were you expecting me to say? Uh… penalise them for… treason… yeah… treason…"

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"I'm sorry," said the cameraman. "I'm going to have to penalise you for 15 minutes, for treason."  
"What?" said Donkey Kong.  
"Peach and Bowser," said the cameraman loudly, "Apparently you need to hurry on to the finish line."  
"Okay-" said Bowser. "Hey, Peach? Why are you back there?"  
Bowser looked over at Peach.  
"My foot's stuck in this gum!" said Peach.  
"Oh, surely you can get out there if you yank hard enough…" said Bowser.  
"No, actually, I think it's better if I just stayed here and let it melt for about 15 minutes," said Peach.  
Bowser started crying.  
_  
Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Peach, come on! They've probably reached the burger place by now!" said Bowser, angrily.  
"But, my foot is stuck!" said Peach.  
"Take your shoe off!" said Bowser.  
"Okay," said Peach, yanking her shoe.  
Peach stared at her shoe, and then looked at Bowser.  
"Hehe, Bowser, I just glued my foot to my shoe!" said Peach.  
Bowser sighed.  
"Peach, I think we're going to have to amputate your leg," said Bowser.  
"I know a better method!" said Peach.  
"And from that day onwards, Peach knew the true meaning of Christmas: a holiday for togetherness, and it is a time of sharing, giving, and forgiveness. So then, Peach asked Santa for only one thing, the gift of happiness, and knowing that there will always be family, and also for Santa to hold off Falcon and Donkey Kong with a crowbar at Wario Burger. Yeah," said the narrator.  
Bowser stared blankly at Peach.

_Rofl Pony  
_WTF?

_WTF Chicken  
_Curse you for stealing my line!

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Here's 'Princess Gardens!'" said Ness.  
"Have you got any strategy?" asked Mewtwo.  
"Well, we could start off by sticking to the left, where we are sure to reach the finish, but usually they don't make the finish easily accessible if you 'stick to the left'. This means that usually the maze does a sharp right, and then usually bends back to roughly around the centre cross-section in the middle about halfway through the maze. From then onwards, about 46 percent of the time, it roughly goes about straight from there, 30 percent of the time in keeps on going leftward, and then bends back in to the right to reach the exit, and the other 24 percent it goes a sharp right, and then bends in leftward to reach the exit. Now, obviously we would go with the odds, but we need some sort of marker to place on the ground when we feel we have got to the middle cross-section…"  
Samus and Zelda walked into the gift shop, and played on the horsie rides for about ten minutes.  
"…but when we think we have reached the middle cross section, there should be on average about three access points that don't look like they would reach a dead end. But some mazes are easier to solve then you would think, which in this case, if it were actually to happen, the first thing that we would try to do is do it the traditional human way, and roughly work your way towards the exit in a general area…"  
Samus launched a missile at the maze, shattering all of the walls, and walking straight through it to get to the clue box.  
"…Now that I've taken the samples of about twelve mazes, they all seem similar in their pathways about from the first third of the way, to the second third of the way. This is because there are lots of more open sections, therefore potentially confusing the person that is doing the maze. This means that if we worked our way around, trying to avoid most sealed areas, then we would need more markers and also have to label them, so that in a way, there would be a few chances that we could stop our mistakes more quickly…"  
Peach actually untied her shoe, managing to let her foot get free.  
"…Now I'm thinking, hopefully after we had done the maze, other visitors to this establishment hopefully wouldn't get the route of the maze spoiled for them, so much that the exit could actually easily be seen…"  
What was left of the maze biodegraded, helping the environment.  
"…so if you divide the number of walls, with the many small and insignificant cross-sections, then that will equal the number of corners that we will have to turn. This means that if we have a small gap in the formations of the maze, the ending result could turn into an easier solving of the maze, therefore, helping us get a lead into the race, we could turn leftwards at the end, but left is the colour of shpiggamedoos, crossdressing the ulcer of time. Now what we could do with the leopard zebra, is that George W. Bush would lose in an IQ test with a doormat. In other news also, J-Lo has been married as many times as INXS have made a comeback. Also, that day was quite a sunny day for a picnic with Pauline…"  
Mewtwo started to get bored.  
"And in other words…"

_Lindsay  
_"And now, for the punchline…"

Mewtwo took a tower out of its foundation, and squashed Ness with it. The sadistic studio audience laughed sadistically, as they gave a standing sadistic ovation. Uh… Falcon and Donkey Kong…

"All teams are now heading on their way to 'Wario Burger', which will be the last task of the race," said Master Hand.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Come on, Falcon, I think we just have to eat this burger, and then we go to the finish line!" said Donkey Kong.  
Falcon and Donkey Kong sprinted out of the taxi, and ran into the burger store.  
"Hi, can we have our burgers?" asked Falcon.  
"Yes, you can," said a sly voice coming from the other end of the room.  
"GANONDORF?" said Falcon and Donkey Kong at the same time, looking over at Ganondorf, with the backstage crew using their miniature smoke machines, because, you know, smoke machines make the villain seem more villainous, and also show that the school play is more high-tech, and that the staff and the school board are underestimating the potential of all of the performers, so that means that there are better marks in the feedback forms from the parents?  
…  
…  
…  
Oh yeah, the story…  
"Ganondorf's last chance at sabotage!" said Ganondorf, grinning slyly, who then promptly started coughing. "Turn it off, will you?"  
"ROFL" said the backstage crew.  
"What are you going to do to us now, Ganondorf? Even if you poison our burgers, we can get to the finish line before it affects us?" asked Falcon. "And plus, if you did, we could tell Master Hand, and you'd be in a lot of trouble, right Master Hand?"  
Falcon peered over at Master Hand, who then by reflex threw the magazine over his head, and looked nervously.  
"Uh… Yeah… Heaps of trouble…" said Master Hand, still looking nervously. "Because… like… everybody loves you two…"  
Due to a continuity error, Master Hand used Mary-Sue's magical teleportation powers to go back to the finish line.  
"Well guess what? I'm going to give you, not a small burger, but a medium sized burger! Mwahahahahaha!" said Ganondorf, evilly.  
"Whatever," said Falcon, grabbing the burger. "Come on, Donkey Kong, let's eat!"

"Falcon and Donkey Kong are first, on the final task of the race, and everyone else is lagging behind? Did you all just spontaneously give up or something?" said Master Hand. "THEY CAN'T WIN!"

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"He-"

"THEY CAN'T WIN!" said Master Hand.

_Falcon and DK  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Th-"

"STOP WINNING!" shouted Master Hand.

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in Last Place  
_"He-"

"NERDS AND WEIRDOES, LET THE COOL PEOPLE WIN!" shouted Master Hand.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Hi, can we have our burgers?" asked Bowser, rushing in, holding Peach under his left arm.  
"Here you go," said the Koopa waiter, passing over the burgers.  
"Come on Peach, eat the burger!" shouted Bowser, shoving the whole burger into his mouth, and swallowing without chewing.

_Falcon and DK  
¼ of a burger left  
_"Eat that burger," said Falcon. "A quarter to go, and we'll win!"

_Peach and Bowser  
1 burger left  
_"Come on, Peach, eat that burger!" said Bowser.  
"But I can't do it!" said Peach.  
Bowser took a deep breath, and started his motivational speech.  
"Peach, you haven't been useful this whole race," said Bowser, turning on the triumphant music behind him. "Now's your chance to shine, now's your chance to help us win! Everyone will be thankful that Falcon and Donkey Kong won't win, and we'll be the heroes of the race! We're the unnoticed team! We're the ones that haven't won a single leg! Now's our chance to win, to show that we're not a joke! Are you with me, Peach?"  
Bowser looked at Peach, worriedly.  
"Are you with me?" asked Bowser.  
Peach removed the focus of her eyes from the untouched burger, and slowly glanced over at Bowser. She stared blankly at Bowser, took a deep breath, and…  
…  
…  
…  
…  
…  
…stared blankly even more.  
"What?" asked Peach.  
"**UYrvedfuybruiefnioenfoinefuin!11111**" screamed Bowser, using a delicate, carefully thought out phrase to express his thoughts.  
Bowser stuffed the burger into Peach's mouth, kicked her in the stomach, and ran up to the waiter, got the clue, and read it.

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Finished  
_"Yes! We're done!" said Falcon, grabbing Donkey Kong and dragging him up to the waiter, and receiving the clue.

_Peach and Bowser  
_"You must now make your way to Peach's Castle…" read Bowser.

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
_"Where you must search for the Red and Yellow flags…" read Falcon.

_Peach and Bowser  
_"Which will be the final pit stop…"

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
_"And the **finish line** of this race around the Nintendo Universe!" said Falcon.

"Teams must now make their way to the Peach's Castle, where they will find the **finish line of 'A Smashy Amazing Race'**!" said Master Hand. "The first team to arrive will be the first winner of 'A Smashy Amazing Race', and also will receive 1 million dollars! I will sue the government if Falcon and Donkey Kong wins, so don't win! Please!"

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Here's a taxi!" said Captain Falcon.  
"Yes," said Donkey Kong, "a taxi."  
"Let's get into the taxi!" said Captain Falcon.  
"Yes," said Donkey Kong, "let us do so."  
Falcon got in.  
"You got in," said Donkey Kong.  
"Yes," said Falcon. "Did you?"  
Donkey Kong didn't get in.  
"No," he said, "I didn't."  
"Ah," said Falcon.  
"Yes," said DK.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"I think I'm choking!" said Peach, as Bowser dragged her towards the parking lot.  
"Wonderful," said Bowser. "I care. Really, I do."  
Peach made a weird noise and hit herself in the back with a hammer. "Yay! I feel better!"  
"Oh, really?" said Bowser, grabbing a motorcycle and shoving his claws into the ignition.  
"Are we winning?" said Peach.  
Bowser ignored her. "Get on!"  
Peach got onto the motorbike.  
They fell off.  
"I think I must be too heavy," said Peach. She began to cry. "Wah! I'm too big for the funny bike!"  
"No," said Bowser, "you're-"  
"I wanna die!" cried Peach. She pulled out a popsicle stick and started ramming it through her neck.  
Bowser groaned, and used Peach's hair to tie her to the back wheel of the bike.  
"Is this going to feel happy?" said Peach.  
Captain Falcon and DK drove past in a taxi.  
"NOOOO!" screamed Bowser, and he quickly drove off after them.

_Falcon and DK_  
"Uh, Falcon?" said DK.  
"What now?" said Falcon.  
"Peach and Bowser are right behind us."  
"WELL, DO SOMETHING!" shouted Falcon.  
"Like what?" said DK, pondering.  
Captain Falcon flushed red with fury. "Do a scary face! Do something ridiculous! Do something involving a drawbridge! Do _me_!"  
"What?" said DK.  
Captain Falcon drove on, wide-eyed.

_Peach and Bowser_  
"Whee!" shouted Peach, as she was dragged behind Bowser by her hair.  
"We're winning, Peach!" shouted Bowser, just before DK threw a traffic light at his face.  
"OW!" yelled Bowser, crashing.  
Crashing, incidentally, involved spinning off a bridge and landing into the famous Plumber's River, which was made of oil. So, of course, the bike exploded, and Peach and Bowser went flying…

_Falcon and DK_  
…suddenly, without warning, Peach landed inside Falcon and DK's taxi.  
"AUGH!" screamed Falcon, and their car plummeted off a bridge, into the same river. They went flying…

_Bowser_  
…DK landed on Bowser.  
"HELP!" yelled Bowser.  
A bus landed on them because it could.

_Rofl Pony_  
"OMG ROFLZ," said the Rofl Pony.

_WTF Chicken_  
"Was that the punch line? This story sucks."

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Samus and Zelda  
Currently tied in 3rd place  
_"Come on; let's eat!" shouted Ness.  
"Fine, mortal," snapped Mewtwo.  
"I'm not eating!" said Samus. "This helmet always gets in the way!"  
"But I can't eat lots of food!" said Zelda.  
"Well," said Samus, "can you drink?"  
"Oh, yeah," said Zelda. "I like to scull wine."  
"Yes!" shouted Samus happily. She shot a missile at their hamburger, causing it to melt.  
"What?" said Zelda.  
"SCULL! SCULL! SCULL!" shouted Samus.  
Zelda scooped up the melted hamburger and began to drink.  
"Hey!" said Ness. "They're winning!"  
Mewtwo said, "Good idea." He psychically melted his and Ness' hamburger. "Scull!"  
"NOO!" shouted Samus, firing an ice beam at Mewtwo's hamburger.  
"Not so fast!" shouted Metwo, melting the hamburger.  
Samus froze it.  
Mewtwo melted it.  
Samus froze it.  
Mewtwo melted it.  
Samus froze it.  
Mewtwo melted it.  
Samus froze it.  
Mewtwo melted it.  
Samus froze it.  
Mewtwo melted it.  
Samus froze it.  
Mewtwo melted it.  
Zelda finished sculling the hamburger.  
"Let's go!" shouted Samus, grabbing Zelda by the hand and leaving.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Hey, Peach, is that the finish line?" asked Bowser, pointing over at the flag.  
"Yeah," said Peach.  
"Hey, that's the flag, and we're the first one here!" said Bowser, excitedly. "I think we've won!"  
Bowser looked ahead, at all of the cheering teams that were eliminated.  
"Come on Peach, we've made history!" said Bowser, walking slowly towards the finish line.  
Bowser kept on walking, peering at all of the crowd that were shouting out their messages of support, some of the teams clapping, some of them celebrating.  
"Peach, we've done it!" said Bowser, standing a few metres away from the finish line. "What are you going to do with the money-"  
Bowser looked up.  
"Peach! What are you doing in that tree… naked?"  
"I'm gonna win the bus!" said Peach, peering down at all of the people.  
"But… GET DOWN!" screamed Bowser.  
"Oh, well," said Master Hand, "it's not like I wanted you two to win anyway. Peach, stay up there."  
Falcon and DK appeared on the horizon.  
"Quick! GET DOWN NOW!" shouted Master Hand, trying to pull Peach out of the tree. "THE FOOLS MUST NOT WIN!"

_Ness and Mewtwo  
Currently in 3rd Place  
_"Hey, is that Peach's castle?" asked Ness.  
"Yes," said Mewtwo.  
"Come on, hopefully we're the first ones here!" said Ness, slamming the door shut from behind him.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place  
_"Hey, there are the flags!" said Zelda, straight forwards.  
"Oh no, we're the last ones here," said Samus.

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Okay, that's it!" screamed Bowser, who started to shake the roots.

_Master Hand  
_"No! No! No! This can't be happening!"

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Look, they're all cheering for us!" said Falcon, waving at the Smashers who were taking their crowbars out, and cracking their knuckles.

_Master Hand  
_"Everybody! Attack!" screamed Master Hand. "Samus and Zelda, come in!"

_Falcon and Donkey Kong  
Currently in 2nd Place  
_"Oh no, they're coming for us!" whimpered Falcon like a little schoolgirl, at all of the crowbar-wielding smashers coming towards them.  
"Really?" asked Donkey Kong, pushing Falcon aside.  
All of the crowbar-wielding smashers changed direction towards Falcon.

_Samus and Zelda  
Currently in Last Place  
_"If we can overtake the nerds, then we can win!" said Zelda to Samus.  
"Let's go!" said Samus, who promptly started to sprint towards the finish line.

_Link and Jigglypuff  
_"Isn't it nice how everyone gets along?" asked Link, looking at almost everyone bashing Falcon.  
"Jig Ig," said Jigglypuff. _"Yeah."  
_  
_Falcon  
Currently being beaten badly  
_"Aagh! My Kidneys!" screamed Falcon as (s?)he was **beaten to death by three million random bystanders**. "Aagh! Please! Ow! Ow! I want babies! Aagh! Gaah! Aagh! No! I want to breastfeed! Why won't you let me breast- Aagh! Gaah! Aah! My- Oh yeah, I don't have one- uh- Well- Aah! My groinal region!"

_Peach and Bowser  
Currently in 1st Place  
_"Come on, Peach! We're 5 metres away from winning the race!" said Bowser, taking the tree out of its roots, and resting it on the finish mat.  
Peach hopped down from the tree onto the finish mat.  
"There, Master Hand, we've won!" screamed Bowser.  
"But… but… you're not supposed to win either! **BUEYFSS-UYDFVIVIYEADBF!**" screamed Master Hand, expressing clearly the burning emotions of anger. "uh… Peach and Bowser, you haven't actually won, because…"  
Master Hand looked over at Samus and Zelda.  
"Uh… the spot where Samus and Zelda are currently standing is the finish line!" announced Master Hand, nervously.  
"What?" asked Samus and Zelda, at the same time.  
"But… isn't that unfair?" asked Zelda.  
"That's it!" screamed Falcon, walking out from being beaten.  
Falcon tossed the finish line over to where Samus and Zelda were standing.  
"There, they've won!" screamed Falcon.  
Samus and Zelda stared at Falcon, and then glanced over at Master Hand.  
"See, you've won!" announced Master Hand.  
…  
…  
…  
"Woo," said Samus.  
…  
…  
…  
"Do we get money or something?" asked Zelda.  
…  
…  
…  
"Here's your cheque," said Master Hand, handing over the cheque.  
…  
…  
…  
"Woo," said Samus.  
…  
…  
…  
"Go home," said Master Hand.  
…  
…  
…  
Everyone went home.

**THE END**

**Winners: Samus and Zelda  
**_2nd Place: Peach and Bowser  
3rd Place: Falcon and Donkey Kong  
4th Place: Ness and Mewtwo  
_5th: Kirby and Yoshi  
6th: Link and Jigglypuff  
7th: Nana and Popo  
8th: Young Link and Ganondorf  
9th: Pichu and Pikachu  
10th: Fox and Falco  
11th: Marth and Roy  
12th: Mario and Luigi

Thank you to all of the readers for supporting me and reviewing.

February 2006: Watch out for Season 2!

_Samus and Zelda_

_How do you feel about your place, and the race?  
_"Even though I don't think we deserved to win this leg," said Zelda. "I thought that we were by far the strongest team, and we should've deserved it, after placing second and third so many times."  
"It's been fun," said Samus. "Yeah."  
_What are you going to do with the money?  
_"Missiles," said Samus.  
"Uh… buying presents for… special people… not apes… no apes…" said Zelda, who then promptly had a nervous breakdown and ran out of the room crying.

_Peach and Bowser_

_How do you feel about your place, and the race?  
_"We were robbed of winning! We were the real winners, the first people to both get on the map! We won! Even if we didn't get the prize money because it was rigged, we won!" said Bowser.  
"I like one," offered Peach helpfully.

_Falcon and DK_

"We were always the underdogs, and since we came close to winning, I think we proved ourselves to be stronger than anyone thought, and we managed to make our way to the final four, and that's an achievement!" said Donkey Kong.  
"Mommy," muttered Falcon, hugging his stomach.  
"_Everyone_ wanted us to win!" proclaimed DK, "so Master Hand was just being evil!"  
"Ow…" moaned Falcon.  
"It's Captain Falcon's fault that he threw the mat at Samus…"  
"My lungs…"  
DK considered. "Well, at least Zelda won," he said.  
"What?" said Falcon.  
"AH! It's a LIE! THERE IS NO ROMANTIC INTEREST HERE! GO AWAY!"  
Falcon broke down and started crying.

_Samus and Zelda_

"For goodness' sake," said Samus, "stop it."  
Zelda started crying harder and clawing at people, and, for unknown reasons, screaming out DK's name.

_Ness and Mewtwo_

"We were teased and bullied because we were seen as the nerds of the-" said Ness.  
"You're the nerd, nerd-boy! I'm just intellectual!" said Mewtwo.  
"We were seen as the smart-"  
"You're not even smart! You're just a nerd! Playing too many video games, nerd!"  
"Okay, everyone saw me as a nerd, and I managed to prove myself by-"  
"I did all of the work, nerd!"  
Ness sighed. "Mewtwo, can-"  
"Nerd!"  
"Oh, yeah? _You're_ the nerd!" shouted Ness.  
"NOOOOO!" said Mewtwo, dying.

_Kirby and Yoshi  
_  
"Even though we missed out on the finals because of the buffet, I exchanged those two expensive holidays for vouchers at a Yoshi café!" announced Kirby, cheerfully.  
"Yoshi hup herr hup herr Yoshi up, herr Yoshi up herr?" asked Yoshi, nervously. _"When you mean Yoshi café, do you mean that, you know, it's a café _for_ Yoshis, and not a place where you eat them?"  
_"Yoshis taste like pineapples," said Kirby.  
"Arurururu!" said Yoshi.

_Link and Jigglypuff_

"I think we were one of the most successful teams, we won three legs, and from that, got three holidays!" said Link. "I think we-"  
"Jig, Iggly Uff Puff?" asked Jigglypuff. "_Is it okay to steal the camera crew?"  
_"I'm not too sure!" said Link. "Did you know that it's _against the law_ to steal camera crews?"  
"That's right!" said Lindsay.  
"Lindsay? What are you doing here?" asked Link.  
"I thought my witty commentary along with the race got me accepted as a role model, so I thought I would lend my hand for the community. From now on, call me, Cindy, the Cameraman!" said Lindsay, waving his hand across in the air as he said the last three words.  
"Yay!" shouted everyone, forgetting the actual purpose of this educational talk.

_Nana and Popo_

"The dog stuffed it all up, I did everything perfectly, blame the dog," said Nana, crossing her arms and nodding at Popo.  
"Nana, I'm-"  
Nana choked Popo by tightening his collar.  
"How dare you question my authority!" said Nana, angrily.

_Young Link and Ganondorf  
_  
"The reason why we placed so low is that Young Link is inexperienced, and naïve," said Ganondorf, facing the camera.  
"I'm not na-"  
"You're a fairy."  
"Yay! I'm a fairy!" shouted Young Link, doing twirls and then running of into the distance. He then promptly cast a play-spell on Peach, who promptly obeyed it.

_Pichu and Pikachu_

Due to translation problems (and unpopularity), Pichu and Pikachu are unable to give an interview. However, Pichu looked rather cute.

_Fox and Falco  
_  
"The reason why we placed so low is that Fox is inexpert, and naïve," said Falco, facing the camera.  
"Am I naïve?"  
"You're a fairy."  
"Yay! I'm a fairy!" shouted Fox, doing twirls and then running of into the distance. He then promptly ran up to Young Link, and they both did play-spells on each other, which they promptly followed.

"ZOMG Repetition" said the rofl pony.  
"ZOMG Repetition" said the rofl pony.  
"ZOMG Repetition" said the rofl pony.  
"ZOMG Repetition" said the rofl pony.

_Marth and Roy_

"I reckon our evil plans worked successfully, and we managed to give everyone in the race a hard time!" said Marth, evilly.  
"Uh… none of our plans worked…" said Roy.  
"Whatever, let's look at some CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED," said Marth.

_Mario and Luigi_

"We came-a last," said Luigi.  
"O RLY?" asked Mario.

_Rofl Pony_  
"Well, after all this excitement, I'll see you around," said the rofl pony. "ROFLZ."

Thanks for reading!

**Www. Hoogi. Brickfilms. Com/Forum**


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